


Darkness and Insecurities: Alec's Not So Successful Mundane Life

by Twiggy31



Series: Alec's Accidentally Successful Mundane Life [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, F/M, M/M, Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Post-it Notes, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-01-01 04:08:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 49,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18328334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twiggy31/pseuds/Twiggy31
Summary: Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.





	1. Why Hello

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back everyone! If you haven't read the first part in the series I highly suggest you do. I want to give a warning before you start that this, like part one, has dark undertones. Although Alec doesn't have any desire to do anything, he is severely depressed and has a lot of anxiety. I did my best to portray his depression realistically. I promise you the story will eventually have happier times just stick with me. Again thank you for joining me on this journey! Cheers, Angels!
> 
> Similar to the last fic, I will usually update this story every Friday. Chapter one is different because I have a weekend class that will interfere with me posting and my schedule for work has changed so I'm not sure if I'll be able to post on Thursday. So aren't you lucky to be having this posted a few days early?

Alec was buzzing around his apartment trying to make sure everything was cleaned up and he was put together. Lunch had been eaten, put away, cleaned up, Jafa should be here soon, and then he could leave. All he needed to do now was put on his boots, his jacket, scarf, and hat and he would be ready for work. As he laced his boot, there was an aggressive knock on the door. _Jafa’s here early… and apparently had a bad day. And forgot his key._ Pulling the laces tight, he pushed off the arm of the couch and crossed the floor in five strides. Knocking came again this time even more impatient. “I’m coming.” He called, pulling the door open. “Jaf-” Then he froze. His blue eyes widened as they took in his friends and family. Izzy, Jace, Clary, Simon, and Magnus stared back at him equally shocked at finally, finally finding the wayward Lightwood. After over a year of looking, there he was standing before them in a turtleneck, a baggy holey sweater, messy black hair, a beard, and black jeans. He looked so much like his old self and yet so different. The pain that once gripped and gnawed at him, that he wore like a second skin that wouldn’t shed was nearly gone. He looked better, almost happier.

The frozen atmosphere was shattered when Izzy cried, “Alec!” And slammed into him with arms thrown around his shoulders. With Shadowhunter training kicking in, he easily caught, spun, and settled her on the ground. Once the initial ice was broken, Jace was the next to throw his arms around his brother. Chaos followed as would be expected from seeing a lost loved one after so long of looking. Alec was pulled into hugs as questions were asked in rapid succession. The man looked on helplessly, suddenly overwhelmed with relief at finally seeing everyone yet anxious at their sudden appearance. Surprisingly, Magnus was the one that hung back, watching as Izzy, Jace, Clary, and even Simon pounced on Alec in welcome. For him it was almost too much. His search was over, but even though Alec was right in front of him, he felt like a chasm was between them. Something was itching at his skin. Something big and he couldn’t figure out what. 

As everyone talked over each other, Alec gave a weak smile. He could feel his chest tighten and tears threaten him. He missed them. Oh how he missed them. Then his eyes shifted up to look at dark brown. Eyes that he’d come to know as home, love, and warmth. Ones he knew he abandoned because he didn’t feel he was worthy of the man who owned them. He saw it. The vulnerable hope and love in them, but also the hurt and questions. Alec wanted to say something, to reach out and pulled Magnus in. To include him because finally after months of moving around, sending others to the man he still undoubtedly loved, and missed more than almost anyone, he was finally within reach, but he paused. A slight noise just inside the apartment caught his attention. He tuned out the others as he listened. A little louder this time, even his family heard it.

“Alec, what was that?” Izzy stared into the wide open space that was the living room.

Biting his lip and turning towards his apartment, he replied, “It’s… Come in and sit, I’ll be right back.” With confusion on their faces, the five walked in after Alec only to be left in the living room as he disappeared into what they assumed was his bedroom.

While the others looked around the living room lined with bookshelves mostly filled with books, the desk that was off to the side neatly piled with papers, the TV, couch, a love seat, two matching chairs, and a recliner that didn’t match the set but looked to be the most comfortable, Alec entered his room where his waking son was making grumbly noises. In a soft voice he greeted, “Hey, Maxie.” The baby cooed sleepily as Alec lifted him from his crib still wrapped in his favorite knitted blanket. After doing a quick check of his diaper, he whispered, “You want to meet your aunts, uncles, and others?” He could feel himself getting jittery at having to introduce Maxie to his family. He wanted to, but it was still terrifying. So much had changed for him that he wasn’t sure how to tell everyone what he’d been through. Hell, he barely knew what they’d been through. His Downworlder friends gave him tidbits of information, but for the most part the last he knew about anything was Magnus’s kidnapping and that was about a year ago.

He bounced his son as he cradled him to his chest. “Alright Maxie, time to meet almost everyone.” As his heart tried valiantly to beat out of his chest, Alec gently pushed his bedroom door open with his free hand. His friends were too busy looking over his new life to notice his return, except for Magnus who turned the moment he stepped into the area. The man froze with eyes fixated on the small bundle snuggling into Alec’s neck.

For a few seconds Magnus’s brain couldn’t function. All he saw was his boyfriend holding with practiced ease a baby. Then it hit him, there was something off about the child that chewed sleepily on the holey neck of the dark green sweater Alec was wearing. Shaking the metaphorical ice from his brain, Magnus noticed that the child was blue. Not cyanotic, but literally the baby’s small tufts of hair and skin were blue. Suddenly, feeling protective and a little angry he asked, “Alec, did you steal a Warlock child?”

Izzy, Jace, Clary, and Simon all turned suddenly to stare at Alec who stood looking appalled, “What? No!” Maxie made an unhappy sound at the sudden loud noise. Alec looked down and mumbled something the others couldn’t hear as he ran a soothing hand on his son’s back.

“Are you watching him for someone?” Jace was a little creeped out at how Alec was acting with a stranger’s kid. He was really good.

Rolling his eyes, Alec replied, “No, he’s… He’s my son.”

“What!?” Everyone exclaimed.

“But you’re gay!” Izzy followed up as Jace pointed and said, “He’s a warlock!”

Sometimes his siblings were idiots. “Yes, I’m gay and yes he’s a warlock. I adopted him.” The group stared between him and Maxie. It was a little uncomfortable and caused his anxiety to rise. How did they feel about him adopting a Warlock child? He really didn’t think it would change their opinion of him, he was dating (was he still dating?) Magnus, but a small part of him had his reserves. What if after everything, it was too much? What if Magnus wanted to take Maxie away from him? He wasn’t really part of the Shadow World anymore and a Warlock raised by a mundane/ex-Shadowhunter was probably not ideal. His son would learn so much more if he was raised by someone like him, but Alec didn’t want that. He loved Maxie and he knew he would be heartbroken if Magnus thought it better for him to be raised by one of his own. 

“What’s his name?” Clary asked, being the first to step forward and look at the bundle in her friend’s arms. She knew a little about babies, but unlike Simon had never really been around them. She had never been a babysitter and she was too young to remember what Simon’s sister was like during her first few years of life.

“Max.” With redding cheeks, he continued with, “But I call him Maxie.” Unconsciously he rubbed his cheek to his son’s head who made happy noises while he continued to drool on the sweater.

“Oh Alec.” Izzy threw her arms around his waist and gave her brother a hug. She loved how sentimental he was and it reminded her that even though he had disappeared he still thought of them. He still loved them even if he was no longer a part of their world. “How old is he?”

With one hand around Izzy’s shoulders he replied, “Roughly six months? He wasn’t exactly a newborn when I found him but he was no more than a month.”

Looking scandalized, she glared at no one in particular as she voiced, “How could someone do that!”

“It’s not uncommon.” Magnus finally chimed in, his eyes still not leaving the interaction between Alec and the Warlock baby. “Especially when a warlock’s mark is as distinguishable as his.” Cocking his head, he asked, “How have you been taking him out without alarming anyone?”

“He has an amber necklace that glamours his outward appearance. I put it on him when I go out or if a mundane comes to visit.” Alec replied easily.

“Where did you get that?”

“I-” A knocking cut Alec off causing him to look over at the clock on the wall. He swore under his breath as he darted towards the door. 

Upon it opening, a tall Seelie with an eyebrow piercing, spider bites, dark green vine tattoos on his face, neck, and arms, and casual clothes barged in already talking, “Alex, you’ll never believe what-” He stopped mid stride as soon as he saw three Shadowhunters, a Vampire, and Warlock in his friend’s apartment. “Did I miss something? Am I walking into a joke?”

Today was not Alec’s day. “Jafa, I’d like you to meet Izzy, Jace, Clary, Simon, and Magnus. Everyone this is Jafa Birch.”

His eyes opened in understanding as he grinned wickedly, “Ooooh, your family. Didn’t know you got in touch with them.” He turned and punched Alec lightly in the arm. “Why you keeping this shit from me? I thought we were friends? Besties even.”

Rolling his eyes, he shook his head, “They found me today.”

“Oh, awkward. Well, I hate to break this party up, but… shouldn’t you be getting to work?” He smirked, pointing at the clock as Alec groaned. He needed to go, he was still relatively new to the job and couldn’t call out now. They needed him. “You’re going to be late.”

Letting out a sigh, Alec nodded. “Yeah.” He easily passed Maxie to the Seelie as he started towards his room once more. Jafa grinned down at Maxie with an excited smile. He cooed at the baby and wiggled his fingers in front of the boy while he waited for the frantic father to return. Maxie squealed trying to catch the long fingers in his chubby navy blue hands and pull them towards his mouth. “He’s just woken up from his nap. He hasn’t eaten and will probably need to be changed soon.” Alec came back out with a hat and scarf on, both a cobalt blue that brought out his eyes. A gift from his friends. As he slipped on his black peacoat, he paused with an apologetic look geared towards his family. “I have to go, but… I’ll be back around seven. If you want, we can talk then. Or whenever is best for you… You know where I live now.” He scratched the back of his head before turning to leave. As he passed Maxie, he leaned over to kiss the top of his head and whispered an ‘I love you.’ At the door he turned and pointed specifically at Jafa. “I’ll be back no later than 7:15, be good and don’t kill each other. Bye.”

To say Alec was a bit of a mess would have been an understatement. All through the train ride into the City, his hands rubbed his face. His mind running through all the different scenarios of what could be happening in his apartment right now. More importantly what was he going to do when he came back? He had mentally prepared himself to talk to everyone, specifically Magnus, in three days. There should have been no surprise that they put a wrench in his plans. Now, the young man couldn’t remember anything he was going to tell them. He had it all planned out, but now he couldn’t recall a single word of his explanation. With a low growl, Alec sat up and leaned the back of his head against the window. The day was going to be long.

Arriving ten minutes before he was due in, Alec went straight to wardrobe for his first outfit. Today he was starting with light bootcut jeans, a navy and white button up, a navy blue sweater, and brown shoes. Once he dressed, he was whisked away to makeup and hair. This was his least favorite part. The feeling of the foundation caked on his face during the shoot only for more to be put on for touch ups was annoying. But he’d gladly take it over having to work nights any day. Modeling enabled him to enjoy most days with his son so he’d put up with some makeup and being dressed up like a doll. 

With his transformation finished, Alec was ushered to where some of the other models were waiting. There was only two out of the ten of them Alec had worked with before. With the last model joining the group, the photographer clapped his hands. “Alright, I need Alex, Jenny, Marco, and Krissy first.” With those announced, the photoshoot started. Alec posed in the same outfit for two hours shifting around who he interacted with. Sometimes he was only with one other, then he was with all the other guys, and finally he was alone. Luckily for this shoot he wasn’t expected to smile. If he had been, it would have been a disaster with how his mind was fixated on his apartment. He definitely would not have been able to fake a grin.

At break his manager sat down next to him. “What’s on your mind?” Her fork stabbed at her chicken salad. “I can tell there’s something going on up there. I’ve known you long enough to notice when you might be on the verge of panicking.”

In all honesty, Alec actually really liked his manager. She had found him wandering the streets one day and convinced him to attempt one shoot. If he wasn’t picked or he didn’t like it, she would never bother him again. His first official shoot was a little uncomfortable at first. Unlike the Institute or Magnus’s loft, Alec hadn’t exactly been comfortable standing before strangers in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs for whatever company he was posing for. He knew he looked alright aesthetically. He wasn’t in the tip top shape he had been in when he was hunting, but he was still well defined if not a little on the skinny side. Ultimately, the whole experience hadn’t been that bad and he continued modeling. Now he posed for a few hours and earned usually $225. With the clause that he was a single parent and needed some leeway with scheduling, his manager eagerly compromised with him until they were both satisfied. Almost five months later he had a steady flow of two to three shoots a week on average with an increase in demand quite possibly upping the average to three to four times. He couldn’t complain and most knew that working with him meant having to deal with him having a son. On an occasion or two he had to decline a job because no one could watch Maxie. At first he was afraid that would put photographers and companies off, but apparently he was attractive enough that many were willing to work with his schedule or allow him to bring the baby to the shoot. Although rare, Maxie had gone to work with Alec on an occasion or two.

Picking at his meal, Alec replied, “My family, they’ve found me. I’m happy, but…”

“Nervous?” She supplied.

“Yes.”

“Well, if you need anything let me know. I’ll smuggle you and Maxie out of here and we can head to California or something. I have connections there and we can make you disappear.”

“I’m a model, I’m pretty sure they’ll be able to find me. I’m in ads and my boyfriend loves fashion. I’m a little surprised they haven’t found me faster.”

Pointing her fork with an impaled piece of lettuce and strawberry, she stated, “I’ll think of something. How do you feel about going blonde?” He gave her a seething look that only made her laugh. “I’m mostly kidding, relax. Everything will be fine, Alex. Clearly they want to see you as much as you do them. They wouldn’t have somehow found you if they didn’t.”

“I know.” Alec sighed. “But I’m the one who left. I hurt them…” _I hurt Magnus._

“Family forgives even when we do something stupid. I mean look at me. I love my sister to death, but she was stupid enough to land years in prison for robbing four banks and seventeen stores. Pretty sure running away is something that is easily forgivable.”

“You make it sound easy.”

“It’s a gift. Now since you’re halfway done and don’t look like you’re going to finish, Drink the rest of your water and head to wardrobe. Maybe we can get you out early and back to Maxie.”

“Thanks.” Alec did as his manager said. He downed the last of his water and walked towards the changing rooms. With a touch up to his makeup and somehow gently taming his wild hair, he walked back out into the photoshoot. Initially he was fine. He posed individually and with his fellow models. He gave a few grins and spoke with his eyes. The shoot was beginning to end on a high note, however his insides started to get jittery as six thirty crept closer. It was like a switch was suddenly flipped and Alec could barely contain his nervous energy. Although the photographer loved his newfound drive, all Alec wanted to do was run to the range and sink a few arrows into a dummy. Once he was no longer needed and was allowed to leave, he booked it out of there as if the building was on fire. Before he knew it, he was on the half hour ride back to Jersey towards his waiting family and friends.


	2. Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will start his journey that lead him to where he is now. This chapter was, not going to lie, influenced by Born to Endless Night by Cassandra Clare. If you haven't read it, it's cute and one of the characters is from it. If I remember correctly though, this is where the author influences start to fade and it becomes more independent. Some events from the show may happen so full credit for their ideas. I hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of the story. Cheers, Angels!

Rushing off the train, Alec made it to the bakery in record time. As he stumbled through the door Mrs. Piro, the Italian grandma that owned the bakery and the apartment Alec rented, turned with a smile. “Alex, my Polpetto. Why are you in a rush? Come over here and give Nonna a kiss.” She barely stood tall enough to stare at his belly button, but nonetheless she was as commanding as she was loving. The way she held herself, it was as though she stood at the same height as Alec.

“Hello, Nonna.” He greeted kindly and with warmth. She may not be his biological grandmother, but he loved her just the same. When Alec first arrived in New Jersey, he was lost and cold. He stumbled into Piro’s Bakery to seek warmth and maybe a hot drink. He hadn’t left after that first day. The Piro’s took him in under their wing and helped him get on his feet. They let him stay in the upstairs apartment if he helped them in the bakery. After hours of correcting, learning proper Italian, and a few slaps upside the head for having subpar people skills, Alec finally made Italian baked good well enough for the Piro’s stamp of approval. Even with having a full time job, he found time to help them out once to twice a week. They even adopted his son as their great-grandson. 

He bent down to hug her before kissing both her cheeks. “Where is Nonno?”

“He and Luci are out to get more heavy whipping cream. So many orders to fill, we are running out of ingredients!” She smiled as she patted his hand. “Now, what has you in a rush? Tell Nonna Piero.”

He sighed as he stood at the counter while she returned to her post. “My...my family came to my apartment today.” He traced runes on the dark wood counter top.

“That is not good?”

“No! No, it is I’m just…” He trailed off trying to put his words into a coherent sentence. “I haven’t seen them in over a year and I’m the one that left… I’m ecstatic, but it’s… it’s just…”

“Overwhelming?” She held his hand in her’s. “Go to them. Admit your mistake, but don’t let them get away. Don’t let them bully you either.” She pointed her finger at him. “You’ve come too far. You a good boy, my Polpetto. Who is watching, my Passerotto?”

“Jafa is upstairs, which is also why I’m freaking out a little.”

“He won’t harm your family. He cares about you. He is also a good boy. Now, take this to Jafa and see your loved ones. You’ve waited long enough.”

“Thank you, Nonna.” He leaned over the counter and kissed her cheek. “Tell Nonno I said hi. When you’re ready to leave you can bring Luci up or she can guard you on your way home. Whatever you want.”

“See, you a good boy looking out for your Nonna and Nonno.” She patted his cheek and then shooed him away. With his package, he went through the back up to the apartment he felt ambivalence towards. Taking a deep breath, he unlocked the door and pushed it open… only to be greeted by complete chaos. He watched with wide eyes as Izzy stood with a bottle in hand and a towel over her shoulder talking with Simon near the kitchen. Clary and Luke walked around pointing at the floor and walls talking about something. Jace and Max were in a deep conversation that apparently had to do with some of his son’s toys. His mom and Magnus were also talking with what looked like a spell book and weren’t too far from where his father was trying to coax Jafa down from the table where he held Maxie close to his chest. For a brief moment he thought about going back downstairs where he’d rather deal with the wrath of Nonna Piero than the mass amount of people in his apartment, but he knew he couldn’t. He wasn’t going to abandon his son who looked overwhelmed and ready to cry.

Weaving through the crowd who barely registered his presence, Alec looked up at Jafa and asked, “What are you doing?”

“Oh thank God you’re here!” Jafa visibly relaxed as he stepped back and gracefully jumped behind Alec. “You’re family is crazy. One minute it was four of them and then suddenly the entire Institute is here and the Alpha of the New York pack. If you hadn’t have come I don’t know what I would have done!”

“Alec, tell your… friend here I just want to see your son.” Robert crossed his arms as he glared at the Seelie.

Before he could say anything, Maryse detached herself from her conversation and pulled Alec into a hug. “Alexander.”

He locked up for only a second before relaxing. “Hi, mom.” He wrapped his arms around her and let himself melt into her embrace. He never thought he was going to be able to hug her again. It soothed some of his anxiety and fears. “As much as I love seeing you all, but why is everyone here?” He pulled back a little.

“When Izzy informed us that they found you we had to come.” Her face softened as she looked at her eldest she thought would be forever lost. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Then he turned his head to look at his friend. “Now why were you hoarding my son from my family?”

“I don’t know them!” He looked scandalized at the thought that Alec might think he’d give Maxie to just anyone. “I aint trusting little blue to people I don’t know.”

“They’re my family.”

“They’re also Shadowhunters, Vampires, Werewolves, and a Warlock.” He pointed at Magnus with especially narrowed eyes. Magnus glared at the man as he crossed his arms. Alec wanted to say Jafa just described their friend group but refrained. “How do I know they won’t take him and run? They may be your family but ‘the Law is the Law and it is hard’ or whatever bullshit the Clave says. Little Blue aint going nowhere on my watch.” Jafa held Maxie closer to him as he continued to glare. The infant made a grumbling sound as one hand reached out for his father.

“I appreciate you protectiveness of my son, but I’ll take him now.” Maryse dropped her arms from around him as Alec once again cradled Maxie to his chest. The baby snuggled into his father’s neck and made happy gurgling noises. His little blue hand went up to play with the beard on his father’s face. “And I relieve you of your duty, thank you for watching him.”

“You sure, I can stay? Two against eight, I think we can take ‘em.” The seelie bounced on the balls of his feet with a grin, he sure loved a good fight.

However, Alec wasn’t entertained by the idea. “This isn’t a cage fight, they’re my family. I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so. Need anything, you can always call me or the others.” His eyes sparkled as he looked over the unfamiliar faces of Alec’s friends and family. It was a warning to them as much as a reassurance for his friend.

“Stop subtly threatening them. I’ll walk you out.” He ushered Jafa away from the crowd and towards the door. “As payment.” He held up the bag that Nonna Piero had given him not ten minutes earlier.

Jafa’s face lit up as if he was a child on Christmas. Easily snatching up his prize, he opened the medium sized box and inhaled the heavenly scent. “God I love you. Please, marry me. I promise to give up my polygamous ways and stay loyal to only you. All you have to do is bake me these and I will be the happiest man alive.”

Not amused, Alec replied, “Good night, Jafa. Stay safe on your way home.” Before shutting the door in his friend’s face. He didn’t realize the party behind him looked on in shock at Alec being proposed to.

“I’m serious!” The Seelie’s laugh as he said it ruined his intention.

Alec looked down at his son shaking his head. “Why are we friends with him again?” Maxie gave him a gummy smile as he laughed at the attention he was getting. Letting Maxie wrap his chubby fingers around his pale thumb, Alec brought it up to his lips and kissed it. For a moment his anxiety was settled and it was only him and his son. Then it was over as he felt nine sets of eyes on his back. It was time for the talk.

Turning around, Alec looked at his family and friends. “Has everyone eaten?” He asked. It was going to be a long story even if he didn’t go into details. If he was going to do this, he was going to eat a little something and it would be extremely rude not to feed everyone. They’ve waited over a year to see him, the least he could do was offer something to eat.

“We ordered Chinese food fifteen minutes ago. It should be here soon actually.” Jace replied. “Little man needs to eat though.”

“Which I have ready!” Izzy grinned holding out her hands for Maxie.

Alec looked at his sister wearily. Her history of food making suddenly sending him into protective father mode. “Did… Did you make it?”

Izzy glared at her brother as Simon replied, “Don’t worry, your mom did.” Seeing a nod from Maryse, Alec stepped forward and carefully handed Maxie to his sister. Her face lit up as the boy looked up at her with eyes a little darker than her brother’s. Within seconds she was even more smitten than she was before. They stared at each other, with Maxie looking as though he wasn’t sure he trusted her. However, his baby mind was made up when she offered him his bottle. Content for the moment, he suckled on the bottle while Izzy went to sit down. The rest of the motley gang followed after her with Alec sitting in the chair that didn’t match the rest. He played with Maxie’s blanket that had found its way onto his chair.

The party sat in silence as Alec stared at his son but saw through him. Deep thought etched on his face. Trying to break the ice, Maryse asked, “Alec, where did you get that blanket? It’s beautifully made.”

Looking over at his mother for a moment, he then looked down at the soft material. “The woman who owns the bakery below and the apartment. She’s taken us in as her family of sorts… The Piro’s son lives in New Mexico and they don’t see each other much. We’ve become their surrogate family.”

“They’ve been taking care of you?” Although her heart was breaking at knowing that someone else had been taking care of her son and now grandson, she was also eternally thankful for the kindness of the strangers below.

“Yeah.” He picked at the blanket making sure he didn’t pull a thread loose. “They’ve been wonderful and they adore Maxie.”

“Why is his name Maxie?” Max asked staring at his brother confused.

Alec’s face softened although his cheeks did darken a little. Just enough to show that the name was specifically picked for a reason. “I named him after you.”

Staring at his brother awestruck, the youngest Lightwood didn’t know what to say at first. “Really?” Was all he could manage.

“Of course.” It was a simple sentence that held power. It dawned on the rest that although Alec had disappeared there wasn’t one second he hadn’t thought of his family and friends. Mildly surprising Alec, Max ran over and wrapped his arms around his brother’s shoulders. It was a few seconds before either let go. Before anything else could be said there was a knocking at the door. “Alright, I’ll-”

“You stay there, I’ll get it.” Maryse stood up and walked towards the door. After retrieving the four paper bags stuffed with food. She turned and observed everyone’s interactions. More specifically the one not happening. Alec was talking with Max probably about the younger’s training, while Izzy cooed over the baby. Clary, jace, and Simon tried their hands at playing with the infant even though all he was concerned about was eating. Robert’s attention flitted between watching his two sons talk and what the baby was doing. Lastly her eyes went to Magnus, where he stood by the only bookcase piled with books. He didn’t look at them though, rather he had on arm wrapped around his stomach watching Alec. In turn, although her son talked animatedly with Max his eyes would flick up. It was like watching a game. Each round lasted mere seconds before one of them looked away. 

“To the kitchen everyone.” She announced as she marched into the simple yet well kept space. As she opened the brown bags and placed the items on the counter, Alec started retrieving plates and instructing Max where the utensils were. Jace began helping Maryse set the rest of the food out, while Simon and Clary figured out what everyone wanted to drink. The kitchen was a bit chaotic, but within a few minutes everything was set and a line formed for piling plates with food. Magnus was one of the last to get his food having stayed back to talk with Izzy and officially meet Maxie. The baby gave the Warlock a smile as his hands demanded Magnus’s. Easily giving in, he let his eyes shift allowing the child Warlock to see that they were the same. Maxie stared with wide blue eyes that reminded Magnus of Alec’s.

“He likes you.” Izzy smiled while shifting to place the finished bottle next to her. “Does he recognize that you’re the same as him?”

Retrieving his hand back, he wiggled his ringed fingers causing Maxie to squeal with glee. “Yes, like any other Downworlder we can recognize each other even if we are as young as him.”

“Magnus?” She didn’t continue until he looked up at her, his eyes back to the brown she was used to. “Are you going to take Maxie from Alec?”

“Why would you think I would?” A small blue orb formed danced along his fingers, enthralling the tiny baby.

“He’s a warlock and Alec… Alec isn’t even a part of the Shadow World anymore.”

“Or apparently he isn’t.” Although his voice didn’t change, for a brief milisecond the blue orb sparked red before settling once more.

She reached out and placed a hand on his forearm. “We don’t know the whole story. My brother does everything for a reason and him having a Seelie as a babysitter has got to be one interesting story. Let’s be real, he was getting over his prejudices but still had his reserves about the Fair Folk. But back to my original question, are you going to take Maxie from him?”

“I have no reason to currently. Maxie is a very happy child who deeply loves your brother and vice versa. It would do more harm than good to separate them.” He answered honestly.

“Good. I know Alec and he’d be devastated if you decided it would be best for Maxie to be raised by another Warlock… You know he would though right?” Magnus raised a brow. “Give him up if you told him it would do Maxie better for him to be with his own. If he thought-”

“I know.” And he did. If it meant that Maxie would have a better chance, a happier life Alec would give his son up for a better life. Magnus couldn’t do that to him though. He couldn’t take someone else away from the young man he loved. 

“Even if you did try, I’d fight you. You may be the High Warlock, but I’d still kick your ass.” 

“I don’t doubt it. Would you like me to get you food?”

“Yes, please.” Izzy grinned leaning back on the couch. She turned Maxie towards her and started making faces much to the infant's delight.

By the time Magnus entered the kitchen, everyone else was finishing their plates and heading back into the living room. Part of him timed it so he would end up being the only one left. He still had no idea what to say to Alec should they find themselves alone. All through the awkward silence after the young man had returned home, informing the youngest shadowhunter that the Warlock infant was given his namesake, and the short pause when Maryse got up to get the food, the two had been eyeing each other. So much had changed and so many questions and explanations created a chasm between the two. As much as Magnus wanted to pull Alec close to him and never let him go, he had some reserve. What if everything smoothed out only for Alec to up and leave again? What if Magnus was left behind once more?

“Do you need help?” Magnus startled a little at the sudden intrusion into his thoughts. To his pleasure and distress, Alec stood a few feet next to him. His stance and behavior reminded Magnus of when they first met. The man’s uncertainty around him pained him.

“I should be fine.” Magnus watched as Alec looked down disappointed. “But if you could get Isabelle and me something to drink that would be helpful.” Alec smile at the simple request. Magnus felt his heart stop for a moment as the young man’s face lit up. He never thought he’d see that smile again and yet there it was. Suddenly he felt lost, all his emotions warring with themselves.

“Anything in particular?” Magnus watched as Alec walked over to the refrigerator. Although he could tell there was some tension in the man’s posture, the chore of getting something to drink was a comfortable act. It hit the Warlock suddenly that this place, these walls, appliances, and furniture was Alec’s home. This small cutout in the universe was his sanctuary. He felt the ground underneath him shift. All at once, Magnus was at a loss of where he fit into his boyfriend’s life. Alec gave him a concerned look. “Are you alright?”

Brushing it off with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, He replied, “Of course. You wouldn’t happen to have anything strong do you?” He doubted it, Alec wasn’t exactly a drinker or at least he hadn’t been.

Not calling Magnus out on his lie, Alec shook his head. “Currently I am all out of alcohol. Sorry. I have tea, almond milk, water, cider, and four different kinds of soda.”

“I’ll have water. You know better than I what Isabelle would like.” As Alec fetched the drinks, Magnus finished filling the plates. The pair silently walked into the living room together where everyone was already digging in. Once he placed the glass of cider in front of Izzy, Alec took his seat in his chair while Magnus pulled up a kitchen chair.

For a little while the only sounds that could be heard was the clatter of utensils on plates, Maxie making noises for Izzy to give him parts of her meal, and various stages of eating. Maryse watched with some concern as her eldest picked at his plate. Unlike the rest of the party, Alec had grabbed small amounts of everything nothing like he used to. Even then, a good portion remained uneaten. Mostly moved around the plate like a child who pretended to be eating his meal.

The time finally came for Alec to tell them what had been happening in his life halfway through the meal. No longer starving and able to focus on what he was telling them, Jace pointed his fork at his ex-Parabatai. “Alright Alec, enough stalling. What happened to you?”

Tapping his fork on the plate three times, he gave up any pretense of eating. Placing the plate on the coffee table, he leaned on his knees while running his hands over his face. Where to begin? “After I left Magnus’s Loft…”


	3. Happier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***WARNINGS! Please Read!***  
> Another Friday, another chapter. So begins Alec's journey to where he is now. It's a long journey filled with depression, meeting new people, helping others, navigating mundane life, and trying to stay out of the Shadow World. I would just like to warn everyone that this isn't a happy time and Alec is spiraling into depression. Nothing like in "Love is the Devil" occurs, but a large part of this section is not happy. I hope You enjoy it and remember things do start to look up for Alec. Please bare with as we following his journey. Enjoy, Angels!
> 
> Title credit: Happier by Marshmello ft. Bastille  
> I read through it a few days ago and since I've been travelling all day I haven't re-read it. All the mistakes are mine since I don't have a beta reader.

With his note written, Alec headed for the door. Pausing to look at the loft one last time, his heart hurt. He didn’t want to leave, but that didn’t mean he should stay. “Goodbye.” He mutter to the nearly empty loft (Chairman Meow was somewhere). Shutting the door behind him, he walked out of the building with only a plan to continue moving. He merged with a small crowd heading deeper into the city and forced himself to not look back for if he did his resolve would crumble.

Knowing he didn’t have a lot of time before Magnus would return home and thus try to find him, the ex-Shadowhunter found the closest bus station and entered. It was standing in the Greyhound station that Alec was first hit with the realization that he had no idea what he was doing. He knew absolutely nothing about being a mundane or how being one worked. All common knowledge about mundane life was foreign to him. If he was smart, Alec would turn right around and go back home. Magnus never needed to know that he thought about leaving, but that wasn’t fair. He was only ruining the Warlock’s life by staying. Standing helplessly in the bus station proved how useless he really was. Clenching the strap to his pack tight, he walked up to the closest line and waited. His eyes scanned the board for times and locations. Whatever bus was about to leave to the farthest location, he would hop on. He just needed to get out before someone tried to find him.

“Next!” Was called announcing that it was his turn. “How can I help you?” The bored tone in the man’s voice made Alec relieved. At least he probably wouldn’t remember him.

“Um, one ticket to Astoria, Oregon.” He answered, booted foot tapping on the ground.

“What time? Is it a round trip or single?”

“Ah, the next one out and single trip.”

The man made a noise as he typed on his computer and continued to ask basic questions. “Are you paying with card or cash?”

“Cash.” Yet another thing to be guilty about. As he counted out the borrowed money, the acidic feeling sloshed in his stomach knowing he had taken it from Magnus without asking. Although he had every intention to pay the man back, it felt like just another black mark against their relationship.

“It’ll be $275.” Passing the money over, the man counted out and handed back the change. “ID please.” Alec pulled out the driver’s license Magnus and Luke managed to procure for him since he now needed to exist in the world. Back at the loft in a secured lock box, was his Social Security Card and birth certificate. He probably should have grabbed them.

The man handed him his license and bus ticket. “You’ll have three transfers along the way. It’ll take about three days to complete the trip if nothing goes wrong and you’ll stop for bathroom breaks and something to eat about 10 times. You’ll be boarding in fifteen minutes. Next!” Alec hurried along looking for the right place to wait. When it came time to board, he felt like an animal being herded. Roughly forty-five people swaying side to side marched in a single file into the Greyhound coach. He dropped onto a plush seat near the back unable to get a window to lean against. He hugged his bag to himself fearful someone would try to steal it. He didn’t have much, but the few belongings he grabbed were important to him.

For the first half day on the bus he attempted to sleep trying not to watch his home fade into the distance. Luckily his nightmares were kept to the bare minimum as the bus bumped along the highway. Upon the first stop for a bathroom break and to get something to eat, Alec got out and stretched. He didn’t realize sitting could leave him feeling stiff. It was a strange concept not to be either training, running around researching demons or some Downworlder activity, or spending the day with Magnus. Shaking it off, he wandered through the center that had five different fast food joints, a small convenience store, and public bathrooms. 

With a bottle of water and a few pieces of fruit, Alec returned to the bus. The second half of the day was anything but easy. His mind started turning over everything that had happened over the last month and a half. He’d lost his job. He’d lost his purpose. He’d lost his family. Now… now by his own doing, he lost Magnus. His head dropped back hard against the soft headrest. He was an idiot. Why did he have to ruin everything good in his life? 

Alec placed a hand over the scarred Parabatai rune that was as silent as the day the bond was ripped from him. Phantom pains burned at his side. Memories from when he forced the bond to call out for Jace. When he almost died trying to help Jace. The day they first became Parabatai and the burn of the rune being placed on his side. The day he thought he lost his brother forever and the rune faded. A foreshadowing to what his life was now. A hollow black hole that never spoke; a maddening silence he could barely stand. Gritting his teeth, Alec stared forward until the pain settled to a gentle sizzle. Even though he tried to remind himself it was all in his mind, the pain still persisted through the rest of the night.

Just under two days later, those traveling to Oregon transferred for the second time to another bus. Alec wiped the grit from his eyes as he went to use the bathroom, buy some more water, an apple, and then collapsed in his new seat. He was exhausted. Bus travel was not conducive to sleeping and to him every second counted since half the time he woke up panting and covered in cold sweat. Using his bag as an uncomfortable pillow, he threw his jacket over himself and tried to catch a few more hours of rest.The next time he woke Alec found his seat partner sleeping on him. Unsure of what to do, he closed his eyes again and pretended to sleep until the man woke up and got off of him. If it had been Jace, he probably would have shoved him off the seat depending on how annoyed he was with his brother. However, the person currently snoring into his arm was a stranger and Alec was too tired to care about what was proper etiquette. 

Finally, three days after Alec boarded the bus to Oregon, he made it. Stepping out into the cool weather, the sun shone brightly nearly blinding the young man. The slight breeze cut through his leather jacket, dropping the temperature just enough to give him a slight chill. He debated on heading into a local coffee shop, but instead headed straight for the harbor. The water was calm with gentle waves rising and falling lazily. He leaned on the railing looking across the Pacific Ocean. The soft sound of the waves crashing on the nearby rocks was soothing. At least, it was for a while until his mind went back to the last time he was on a beach. Back to the day he and Magnus were still fighting and dragon demons were escaping from a hole in the beach. Alec groaned as he thought about him failing at keeping the demon away while at the same time being protected by his boyfriend. A small sliver of hope that Magnus still cared for him even if he was mad at being kept in the dark about the Soul Sword. 

Shaking the memory from his mind, Alec pushed off the railing and started wandering around the port town. He decided it was time to have some sort of plan. Or at the very least decide if he was going to stay in Astoria for a few days or immediately move on. Upon finding a little tourist store with maps and then a quaint cafe to order a black coffee and pastry, he sat down and tried to figure out what to do.

It turned out he really should have thought up a plan before leaving. He stared at the map with no thoughts coming to him. In all honesty, he wanted to go back home. He missed watching Magnus move around his apartment either collecting ingredients for potions or spells, watching his body gracefully move as he practiced magic, and most of all just being near him. Even if they had been fighting more often than not lately, Magnus had always been a balm for him. When he was around his boyfriend he was free to express himself in ways he was never comfortable doing back at the Institute. He was free to be himself without judgement. Well, a little judgement. Magnus still liked to tease him about his snoring even though Alec Lightwood does not snore!

However, going back wasn’t an option. It wasn’t fair to expect Magnus to deal with him when there were Downworlders who needed the Warlock more. Alec knew how much of a mess he was. Most days he couldn’t look in the mirror because he didn’t recognize himself anymore. The shattered glassy eyes staring back at him revealed how hollow he felt inside. There were festering, pus filled wounds oozing out of the missing pieces of his soul. The world had dulled making it harder to get up and attempt to do something, anything. It was like Alec’s world had suddenly become a black, white, and grey movie. The only color in it was Magnus and even then he watched helplessly as the man’s brilliant shiny aura dimmed and dulled the longer Alec stayed with him. Of everyone Alec knew, Magnus didn’t deserve that. He was meant to shine and color the world around him. Alec was only destroying the man by staying with him. He refused to be like the many lovers before him who had hurt Magnus.

Deciding to stay the night, he packed his few belongings and headed back out. He spent the rest of the day walking the city aimlessly. When he got too cold, he stepped into a shop or store to warm up before continuing his journey to nowhere in particular. It was a beautiful city that reminded him nothing of New York. For a short time it made leaving a little easier. He didn’t think about who he left behind, but rather Astoria enabled him to take in new sights and a different culture. New York was always busy. The lighting for advertisements, the constant traffic, the people hurrying to their destination, and even the supernatural was always present and demanding to be attended to. In Astoria the atmosphere was slower. Alec was able to pause and look around without fear of some horde of angry CEOs yelling or running him over because he chose to take the scenery in. Granted, mundanes could never see him but the rush of the city was still a presence in and of itself.

By nightfall, Alec decided it was time to find a place to stay for the night. After looking around for an hour he settled on Quality Inn Seaside since they were one of the cheaper inns and they offered breakfast. The man at the check-in desk gave him his key and wished him a great night. With a small nod, Alec headed to his room. Exhaustion finally hit the man and the moment the door locked behind him he collapsed on the stiff bed. To his surprise, he didn’t fall asleep the moment his head hit the bed. His tired eyes watched the red digital clock slowly change. By the third hour Alec was frustrated. His body was on high alert because of the new environment and the sanitary aroma permeating the air. Around two in the morning, Alec rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling counting the popcorned texture. He finally fell asleep at roughly six hugging a down feather pillow to his chest.

Four days later Alec found himself in Northern California. He thanked the trucker that had picked him up a day out of Astoria and headed to find something to eat. The town was small yet busy. He quickly checked the cash he had on him and bit his lip. Moving around was expensive. Shaking his head he found a small diner and ordered a tea and bagel. The woman serving him gave a disgusted look as she placed his dinner before him. Ducking his head down, he stirred his tea even though he hadn’t put anything in it. He knew what he looked like; he looked like a bum. His facial hair was growing in which he never let happened but currently he found himself without a razor and they were expensive. His hair was a little greasy after not having been washed after his first night at the inn. Although he changed, it was evident he didn’t have many changes of clothes before he would either have to find a laundromat or cycle through the ones already worn. Even a few days into his destination-less journey, Alec’s bag and jacket looked dirty. Granted they were old, but still. After finishing everything, he wandered back out into the cool night searching for anywhere warm and cheap to sleep. Or at least in Alec’s case, lay down and pretend to get some shut eye.

It didn’t take long for Alec to really start cutting out non-essentials from his life. Keeping his head down and not reacting to anything from the Shadow World, Alec’s travel consisted mostly of hitchhiking, squatting in abandoned buildings, and rationing his meals. Luckily it was closing in on holiday seasons thus Alec started looking around the towns and cities he arrived at for jobs. However, he realized early on he had no practical skill set in the mundane world. He could kill a demon fifty different ways, but had no idea how to work a coffee or espresso machine at a cafe. At his first job he lasted a week.

“You’re the new hire, right?” A late teenager asked in a bored tone. Alec merely nodded. “Awesome. Here’s the apron you are required to wear, a visor, and write your name on this.” He handed a maroon stained apron, maroon visor, and a blank name tag to the clueless man. “As for the rest of the uniform clean jeans and shirt should be fine as long as the shirt isn’t offensive. Let’s teach you what to do. We’re dead right now but in an hour we’re getting rushed for lunch.” He started towards the back. For the next hour the manager went over everything to which Alec maybe retained five things. 

Seeing the confusion on the man’s face, the manager rolled his eyes and stuck Alec on the register. “Greet the customer politely and ring up their order. Everything’s right in front of you. Good luck.” He turned and left leaving Alec to stare at the machine. 

Although he wasn’t technology illiterate, he’s used plenty of Ipads, computers, and smartphones, the register was proving to be especially evil. On top of him figuring out what everything was called, seriously what was a unicorn frappe under, customers weren’t especially patient to new employees. By the end of the day, Alec said a dozen words to each customer before remaining silent and apparently expressing everything else through facial expressions. 

The second day went by better and worse. The first half of the day he was on front register, but after his lunch break he was put on the window where he could hear nothing. Five screwed up orders in a row landed him to janitorial duty. Cleaning the woman’s bathroom after a particularly nasty customer, Alec decided he’d rather clean demon ichor covered blades than the bathrooms of the establishment. People were gross.

Third day Alec was entrusted with making coffees. Within an hour he had spilled four on him, made three coffees wrong, and shattered one coffee pot. He wasn’t even sure how the last one happened. One second he was hold it and about to pour a cup of coffee and then next thing he knew there were shards on the ground in the cup. None of the dark liquid actually made it into the container. He was quickly put in charge of the front register where he remained for the rest of his shift. 

His fourth and fifth day at the cafe the other employees tried giving him the job of restocking and other odd end jobs they didn’t want to do or didn’t have time for. After a particularly rough fight with some coffee grounds that left Alec covered in it along with the floor, he was shifted to coffee making again. At the end of the shift he had to only remake three coffees and dropped only two.

His last day as an employee of the cafe started out alright as it usually did. He swept the floors, took out the trash, cleaned the few tables the shop had, restocked the pastries, and started brewing a few new pots of coffee. His downfall came after his first break when a nasty couple marched in. Right from the start the place knew the pair was going to cause trouble. They were loud and told an old couple speaking in what sounded like Vietnamese to go back where they came from that this was America so speak English. Alec already disliked these people. If the other employees were smart, they would have swapped Alec out for someone else. However, since no one wanted to deal with them and they had no idea the snark Alec actually possessed they let him handle the customers.

“Hello, may I take your order?” He asked in a tight tone.

The woman glared at him as her cigarette breath puffed out towards him. “Is that any way to speak to a paying customer? Your tone is lacking.”

“And your courtesy for others is lacking yet here we are. What is your order?”

“How dare you!” She cried. “Listen here young man, if you don’t start treating me with respect I will speak with your manager!”

His dark brows rose unfazed by her threat. “You have given me no reason to respect you. You’re obnoxious, rude to others, and currently being rude to me because you feel privileged.”

“Do you know who I am!?”

Switching over to his faux polite tone that clearly meant ‘I may be playing nice but I will figure out a way to eviscerate you legally’, he replied “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were anyone of import. My mistake. What do you want?”

This tone apparently did not appease the woman. “I want to speak to your manager! Where is the manager!”

_And I want a good night's sleep._ “Shouting does not help your case.” He commented before turning to find Tiff. Upon seeing her in the back, he said, “A customer would like to speak with you.”

As the two stepped out, Tiff froze. “Please tell me she isn’t the one who wants to speak with me.”

“I can lie if that makes you feel better.”

“Oh Alec, what have you done?” She sighed, defeated. “Come on.” Stepping out into the floor and giving the enraged woman a slightly panicked smile she greeted. “Hello Mrs. Carlise. Mr. Carlise. How may I help you to-”

“This young man is beyond rude. He should not be taking orders!” The woman cried.

“What has he done?”

She sputtered for a moment before her voice rose even more. “He called me rude, said he was not going to respect me, said I was obnoxious, and the list goes on.”

Turning to Alec so her back was to Mrs. Carlise, she asked in a quiet yet mad voice, “Did you say that to her?”

“Yes, because she was. She should not speak to others as she does.”

“Alec, she is the owner of this store.” Tiff gritted her teeth.

Narrowing his eyes, he stared right into her's. “I don’t care if she’s the president of the United States. If she wishes for respect, she’s got to earn it.”

“You are not helping your case.” She turned back towards the owner and with a placating smile said, “I’m sorry for everything. Alec is new and is still-”

“I want him fired immediately!” The woman’s red face looked like it was ready to explode.

“But Mrs. Car-”

“Immediately!” Her beady grey eyes glared at the dark haired man who didn’t flinch under her stare. “Hand over your uniform now!”

“With pleasure. Why would I want to work for mundanes such as yourselves?” He easily slipped the hat and apron off. Folding the article of clothing he handed it to his ex-manager. “Thank you for the opportunity. I’m sorry that she is your boss.” He turned and exited the work area. Before leaving he turned back towards Tiff. “How shall I collect my wages?”

Flicking her eyes to the owner for a moment, she replied, “Come back tomorrow, we’ll have your check then.” With a nod, Alec left. Letting out a sigh, his head dropped so his chin hit his chest. What was he supposed to do now? With his bag thrown over his shoulder, he kept walking until he found a park to sit in until it was too cold to stay.

Most of his time traveling ended somewhat like his first job. He excelled at nothing that came easy to a mundane. Even his people skilled never reached a satisfactory level for his employers. Most of the time he was fired because a customer complained that he wasn’t friendly enough or he broke too many things for him to be an asset to the company. He had more broken cups, plates, glasses, and trinkets in his wake than money on him. On average he lasted a week and two days at a job. Never enough time to find a place to stay and become a part of. Every time he was fired, he stayed the night and moved on.


	4. Moving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forget how it started. I think I saw something online about a SO writing notes to a lover or something and it stayed with me. I thought it would be a nice idea for Alec to have a way to communicate how he feels without bottling his emotions up. I hope you enjoy this chapter and next we meet someone I enjoyed writing. Cheers Angels!

Feeling like he belonged nowhere and always getting fired caused the hollowness inside to grow. With each passing day he found himself losing more of a will to try. Almost a month into his self imposed exile, Alec was feeling especially low. Losing jobs, forcing himself not to talk to anyone from his past, not really interacting with anyone, and developing a bad case of insomnia left Alec emotionally falling apart. Everything felt like it hurt. His silent Parabatai bond mocked him while whispers of how much of a failure he was ate at him. 

During one mentally hazy day, he walked through a craft store to pass the time before trying to find another ride to a location he didn’t care about. They were playing some music Alec never cared for and only one employee asked if he needed help. When he shook his greasy head, he was left alone to his own devices. Entering an aisle with dozens of markers, pens, and pencils for artists he thought about Clary and how much she would have loved all the options. His heart began to hurt more. On one of the displays was a small stack of post-it notes to try out some of the wares. On an impulse, he grabbed a glittery dark blue pen and wrote _Magnus, I’m lost. Everything hurts_. Then he capped the pen, replaced it, and stared at his confession. He wished more than anything he could call the man up and talk to him. To hear his voice. He felt a tear slip down his cheek as he continued to stare at Magnus’s name.

Some time later he pulled the note from the stack. Loosely closing his hand around the note he debated crushing it, but then thought better of it. Pulling out his wallet, he slipped the post-it note into one of the sleeves taking special care not to crease it. Replacing the wallet back in his pocket his hand reached out to grab a cheap sparkly pen and a stack of the yellow post-it notes. Leaving the store with the two items, Alec headed towards the truck stop to see if anyone was willing to take him to wherever they were heading. 

One night he found himself sitting on a railing at the ledge of a cliff of some town in Nevada. There was no true desire to do anything other than stare down where darkness and rocks awaited. Currently there was nothing swimming inside him. No negative memories, no phantom pains from his scarred runes, or feelings of inadequacy. Just silent; numbness. He’d already written a note that day and thus those feelings bled away until he was left feeling empty. Alec was so despondent that when someone spoke he didn’t flinch.

“Ya thinking of jumping?” Alec turned his head to find a young woman with a multicolored fauxhawk walking towards him an unlit cigarette between her lips. Trailing behind her was one guy decked out in leather and silver studs and two woman, one in a short plaid skirt and the other wearing ripped tight skinny jeans.

"You shouldn't smoke." Alec looked back down at the darkness before replying, “I'm just sitting.”

"It's unlit, it ain't hurting anyone." The woman snickered saddling up next to him. She leaned her elbows on the railing as she peered down. “Quite a place to sit. Ya sure you aren’t thinking of… you know…”

“I promised someone once I wouldn’t.”

“Wow, quite the promise.”

“I’m not that bad anyway. This place is quiet and that’s what I wanted.”

“Ya ain't wrong. We found this place by accident. It’s off the beaten trail,” Her eyes scanned his appearance. “And you don’t look like a local.”

“I’m not.”

The group was quiet for a little while as Alec stared off into the distance and the small group of friends passed a cigarette around. “Aight, I gotta ask.” Alec turned his head to look down at her. “Do you like live music?”

“It’s alright I suppose.”

“Can you carry… oh fifty pounds or so?”

Frowning, he replied, “Yes?”

“Awesome, I have a job for you. My friends and I are touring around and we could use a roadie.”

“A roadie?”

She laughed at how clueless he was. “Someone who rides around with the band and does set up and strike for us. Basically is our bitch, but you get into the shows for free and we’ll split some of our earnings with you. Whatcha say? Wanna hear some awesome music, drink, get laid, and earn some money while you’re at it?”

“Is it only for here?”

“If you aint bad and promise not to murder us, we could use you for the rest of the tour.”

“Mara!” The girl with the plaid shirt groaned.

Mara waved her hand at her friend. “He’s fine. Look he’s a puppy.” _A puppy that could easily kill you._ Alec thought but remained silent. “Whatcha say?”

“Where else are you going?”

“Next stop is Texas, then Louisiana, Georgia, North and South Carolina, Maryland, maybe Virginia, New York, and finally Boston.”

“I can probably stay with you as far as Georgia.”

“Good enough for us! Where ya stayin?” Her face lit up like a Christmas Tree.

“I haven’t thought about it yet.” _I don’t have much money either._

“Come on then.”

“Mara can we talk to you for a minute?” The guy of the group asked in a low urgent voice. Rolling her eyes she walked a few yards away with her band to discuss Alec joining them. The young man waited patiently not really caring either way. The money would be nice, but if they didn’t want him he wouldn’t be heartbroken. “Sorry ‘bout that.” Mara grinned as she walked back over to him. “Friends being overprotective ya know? Anyway, come on we have to get back to the dive bar we’re playing at. You can help us strike tonight and then we have another gig here tomorrow and then we head out for Texas.” Looping her arm with his, she dragged Alec down the dirt road towards the venue.

After being introduced to security so they knew he was with the band and dropping their few belonging off in the green room, Alec stood in a dark corner watching as the people he met a few hours earlier jammed out. Even though the group wasn’t exactly the type of music he listened to (not that he listened to much anyway), they all played their instruments well and he liked that the male, Corbin, and Mara were both the lead singers. Not many bands had two primary vocalists. When the show ended, they performed an encore before strike began. Taking that as his cue, he started breaking down the set with some of the employees. Although he wasn’t the fastest, he slowly got what his job was. Not that it was particularly hard to understand. He was mainly slow because he didn’t want to break or tangle anything. An hour and a half later everything was taken care of and stored away for the following night. 

Alec waved good-night to his new friends, sure let’s call them friends, and looked for an abandoned building to squat in. As he nestled in a corner of the building for the night, he stared ahead thinking about nothing in particular. The only real thought in his head was that he hoped tonight he would be able to sleep. It’d been at least a week since his last full night’s rest and he could feel it wearing on him. He had caught a quick glimpse in a mirror as he carted part of the drum set into the band’s car and noticed dark purple bags under his eyes. He was pretty sure if it wasn’t for his beard he would have seen slightly sunken in cheeks too. To his relief he slept a full eight hours before his eyes opened and he packed up. 

The rest of the day happened as he usually spent it in a new place: walking around aimlessly. Spending five dollars on an actual meal, he eventually ended up at the local library where he spent a few hours getting lost in a different world. For a little while he could forget what his life had become and be free.

Mid afternoon, Alec walked to the dive bar and waited patiently for the band to arrive. After helping them set up, Mara stared at him long and hard. “Are those the clothes from yesterday?” Not having to look down he shrugged. “Why?”

“I don’t have much.” He lifted the shoulder his bag was on to indicate it was all he had.

Becoming concerned she pried, “Wait where did you go last night? Have you showered? Your hair looks a little greasy no offense.” When he didn’t answer, she dragged her hand down her face, “Why didn’t you say you didn’t have anywhere to go?”

“I don’t have much money, I spent most of it on a ride here and food.” He answered simply.

“As a new member of this merry band you’re coming with us tonight where you are taking a shower, doing some laundry, and apparently sleeping in a bed for the first time in forever.” Before he could protest about being able to take care of himself she pointed a perfectly manicured purple finger at him. They reminded him of Magnus. “That’s an order. Now come on we don’t have much time before the show starts.” 

Like the previous show, the fans loved the music and the performers were amazing. Instead of watching from the shadows, he sat at the bar. No one bothered him, partly because he looked like a hobo that probably shouldn’t have been allowed in the establishment. Once the show was over, Alec dropped a few dollars into the tip jar even though he bought nothing and headed backstage to start loading the instruments into the band’s van. By one in the morning, Alec was exhausted while the the band was still high from playing. Slightly drunk and very loud, the small group stumbled into their cheap motel room where Corbin, Selena, the girl who wore the plaid skirt the first night Alec met them, and Zeva collapsed onto one bed laughing and nearly falling off the bed.

Mara on the other hand started shoving Alec towards the bathroom. “Alright, you take a shower. You can use some of my shit. It’s tea tree so it’s not too girly. I’ll grab some of Corbin’s sweats and shirt so you can wear something clean.”

“Won’t he mind? He’s not exactly friendly towards me.” Alec asked.

“Don’t worry about it. Big bro won’t mind too much as long as you give the shit back. At our next stop we’ll find a washer so you can clean your clothes.”

“Like I said I don’t-”

“Pay us back later if you’re that determined, but let us help. We got plenty right now.”

“I’m not a charity case.” He glared. Once again he was feeling his insides gnaw on themselves. 

Mara groaned, “Jesus, just let us be nice. Now shower.” She shut the door behind her letting him strip before dropping off the clean clothes.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Alec pulled off each layer carefully. Making a small pile on the floor he turned on the spray until it ran warm and then stepped inside. As he braced his hands on the wall he let the water fall over him. He watched as the water ran in rivets down his growing hair. He wasn’t used to strangers being kind to him. Most looked at him in disgust as they moved to be as far away from him as possible. Some even made snide remarks about him being a drug addict or alcoholic. His mind was lost as he replayed his journey thus far even if it hadn’t been long. Bouncing around and interacting with people was tiring and made him feel even more alone than when he first started.

He turned his head when he heard the door open and then close. Why was Mara being nice to him? What was she expecting out of all this? He understood that he would be helping them with the concerts, but still why him? He was a nobody; a homeless man with no purpose. He was broken and messed up a good thing. Magnus probably wanted nothing to do with him now. With a feeling as though his heart was constricting or being held in a fist, Alec felt tears start to run down his face combining with the water. He leaned forward until his forearms and forehead pressed on the wall in front of him. His hands clenched his hair as he silently sobbed. Suddenly he felt like he was being crushed. Once again he felt like Atlas, but rather than holding the world up was instead he was collapsing under its weight.

By the time Alec had exited the bathroom, everyone was asleep. He picked up his bag and placed it right next to the couch he claimed as his own. Using the blanket the trio had pushed off their bed, he settled down and waited for sleep to claim him. It was at least an hour before his body was too exhausted to care that he was in an unknown territory with people he hardly knew.

“Time to wake up!” Zeva shouted into his ear as the sun started peaking over the horizon. He jumped up and easily landed in a defensive position. She cackled at the confused man’s stance. “That was awesome. You some kind of ninja?”

“Zeva!” Mara crossed her arms. “Don’t do that. You could have hurt him. Or better yet he probably could have hurt you.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t’ resist. Sleeping beauty here was just too damn peaceful not to.” She wiped the tears collecting at her eyes. “Sorry, won’t happen again. By the way,” She grinned while her eyes started at his feet and slowly trailed up. “Nice outfit.” Then she turned with a chuckle.

Alec turned away knowing he looked silly. The sweatpants Mara had borrowed for him were several inches too short. It looked like he was wearing capris instead of pants and the shirt was short in the arms but a little baggy for him. Over the past few weeks he had been losing weight. He knew he needed to eat more, but he neither had the money nor the desire to do so. Licking his lips, he grabbed his bag and followed the band out to their van.

The ride to the next location took two days with pit stops in between. A few times they stopped because the group wanted to do some sight sightseeing before moving on. Alec would get out but wasn’t as excited as everyone else. Sometimes he’d wonder if Magnus had seen whatever he was looking at before. Had the warlock ever done a cross country trip? He looked up at the clear blue sky and wondered what his boyfriend was doing? He hoped that he was happy. Although he knew he had hurt Magnus, he honestly hoped the man would heal and move on. Alec was more attached anyway. He was a Shadowhunter who had given his heart away to the first man he fell in love with. There was no going back for him and he didn’t regret it. Magnus was different however. He’d loved thousands before him. The man would move on and although it hurt to admit it, Alec was also praying Magnus would soon so he wasn’t hurt more than he already was. The ex-Shadowhunter wasn’t much of a praying man, but he did pray that the man he loved would find someone whole, strong, and caring. Someone that would treat Magnus as though he was the most precious thing in the world because that is what the man deserved. Sending out one last prayer, Alec headed back towards the van where he would act as navigator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a friend of mine made me realized that this is the year of endings. Many movie series, quite a few shows, and even some personal things in my life are ending and it's made me a bit sad. I was never very good at endings because I grow attached to characters and the safety of routines. I even refuse to continue some series because of my attachment. I brings this up because I just watched Avengers: Endgame and... it's the end. It's made me reflect on how many things are now ending including the show that started this series. I'm not ready to say goodbye and although this story is really just beginning, the show is coming to a close. I guess realizing how many things are ending this year just really hitting me hard now and I wasn't expecting that.


	5. Helping Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is about double what the others have been so buckle up and be prepared for Alec to be Alec.

Once they arrived in the first Texan town, the road tired group found a cheap motel to crash in for a few hours. Even Alec didn’t complain. Rather he face planted onto the bed Selena and Mara were already fast asleep on and darkness enveloped him. Later that day, the group got food and walked the city. It shouldn’t have, but it surprised Alec how often one of the band members would wind up in a conversation with someone and end up with another person possibly attending their show. Even he suggested to a few people if they didn’t have anything to do that there would be a show at a local venue they should attend. Mara and even Zeva beamed whenever Alec suggested it to someone. The group also quickly learned that even if Alec was self-deprecating, he was protective of those around him. He always kept an eye out for the group and tended to trail behind to keep them in his eyesight. 

Before the gig, Alec managed to get away for a little while. He liked his new friends, but being around people constantly after spending weeks on his own was tiring. Thus he found himself walking the streets like a ghost in the crowd. People milled about talking to friends, speaking on the phone, or walked determinedly to wherever they were headed. He turned to start towards the bar when someone crashed into him while simultaneously stepping on his foot. 

“Woah, are you alright?” His hands automatically went to the girl’s shoulders to prevent her from falling. Startled eyes looked at him as if he was about to kidnap her or something.

“Ima sorry, sir.” The tall tale drawl of a true Texan greeted him.

“Don’t worry.” His eyes looked down to find a pair of black hooved feet shifting uncomfortably. “My boots tend to get in the way of everything.” He gave her a small smile. She looked at him confused for a moment before letting out a laugh. “You alright?”

Looking up she bit her lip, “Yessir.”

Not believing her but also not wanting to scare her off, he cautiously asked, “Do you need help with anything?”

“Nosir, Ima be alright. Thank you sir.” 

The way she casted her eyes around as if she were searching for someone. “I don’t want to make you think I’m calling you a liar, but you don’t look alright. Do you want me to walk you somewhere so whoever is following you won’t hurt you?”

“Why do ya think someone is lookin’ fa me?”

Giving a soothing smile, he replied, “You were just running and you keep looking around as if looking for someone. I know a thing or two about that behavior.”

She looked down at her feet holding her bag tight. “I aint got nowhere ta go sir.”

Frowning, “Why not?”

“My mama… mama died last month and…” Alec placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “My mama’s boyfriend don’t like me much.”

Staring at her for a few seconds he pulled out his post-it notes and pen. “And you have no one else? No other family?”

“Nosir. It was just me and mama.”

“If you want somewhere safe to go where your mother’s boyfriend can’t find you I have a friend who will help you. He helps people like you.” He started writing down Magnus’s address and drawing out a rough map of how to get there. “Those who feel lost and need a place to go. He’ll gladly help you.”

The girl looked down at the note. “In New York!”

“If you don’t mind traveling he’ll take you in.”

“I aint got that kinda money.”

“Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to, you know. It’s only an offer.”

“I could use some help. He’s nice?”

“One of the best men I know. He’s saved me more than once.”

“Really?” Her eyes widened.

“Yeah.”

She bit her lip as she thought the offer over. The man before her was a little weird. He was helping a stranger and in most cases he’d be a person she would avoid. He was wearing jeans that had seen better days, his hair looked greasy, and he creepily wore his sweatshirt hood up. Her mama taught her never to talk to strangers, especially ones that looked like a drug dealer. However, the way he stood hunched over and hands in his pockets was relaxed. The girl also had a unique sense about people. She usually knew if someone meant her or another harm. The man before her had a soothing presence if not a little sad. Deciding to trust him, she nodded, “I’d like ta meet this man. He won’t… He won’t think me a-” She cut herself off unsure how to ask if he would throw her out for being different.

Catching her drift however, Alec replied, “He won’t throw you out unless you mean him or anyone harm. He’s unique like you.” 

With a nod she agreed. “Okay. Thank you, sir.”

“No problem, a bus station shouldn’t be too far. Come on.” The pair walked to the closest bus station where Alec found out the girl’s name was Dani and she wanted to be a fashion designer. Her dream had always been to go to New York, but with her mother being sick it was never in the plans. 

At the station, Alec payed for her one way ticket and handed her a couple tens so she would be able to eat along the way. Before she boarded he looked at her sternly, “Don’t talk to anyone unless you need to. Stay near the bus and if someone bothers you aim either between the legs, throat, or eyes and then run to find someone. Once in New York follow that map. It might be a little confusing so if you get lost go into a store and ask for directions. Other than that don’t talk to anyone. Remember his name is Magnus Bane and he’ll probably address himself as the High Warlock of Brooklyn, don’t worry just say you’re lost and I sent you. He’ll take care of you. You have my number right?” She nodded trying not to laugh at how protective he was being. “Alright, you’ll be fine and call me before you go in so I know you made it. Be safe.” He gave her a smile that held some sadness.

“Thank you!” She cried colliding with his chest. He let out a soft oof as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “Ya can’t come with me?”

“No, I have to stay here. Maybe see you later.”

“Bye!” She called and waved as she darted off to her bus. He waited for it to leave before headed towards the bar. The walk was uneventful until he arrived and Mara cussed him out for almost being late. Aside from making faces he didn’t object to anything she said. Finishing setting up, he took a seat at the bar where he was left alone. He was always left alone. Very few wanted to talk to a man that looked like he never heard of words such as shower and clothing stores. Honestly, he preferred it that way. 

The gig lasted two hours and then the group did strike. Once everything was packed away Alec headed back to the motel while the rest of the group hung out for a few more hours with their new groupies. Having some time alone in the room, Alec stared at himself. He was surprised Dani even agreed to talk to him; he looked creepy. His beard needed trimming, his hair fell in strands a little past his chin, and the purple under his eyes stood out against his pale skin. Unzipping his hoodie, he stared at his scarred Deflection rune. Even though Alec’s ivory skin was especially pale the rune stood out even more with its silvery pink coloring. His fingers ran through the design feeling the cool smooth skin under his fingertips. Unable to look anymore he stripped off the rest of his clothes and stepped into the shower. By the time his friends returned to the room he was pretending to be asleep hoping that sometime soon he would be unconscious. He managed three hours that night.

At the next stop in Texas, Selena and Zeva pulled Alec to a barber shop to get his beard and hair trimmed. When he tried to protest they stubbornly informed him that he could not be their roadie and look like a hobo. “Come on Alex, think of our image!” With almost the last of his money, he paid the barber who managed to make him look less homeless. His beard was neater and his hair, although still long, looked like it had purpose instead of Alec being lazy. He refused to let the girls pay for his haircut since they had done so much for him already. 

Upon their drive to their Georgia location, Alec’s pre-paid phone started chiming. “Hello?” He answered knowing exactly who it was.

“Hi!” Dani’s voice greeted him. “Ima at Mr. Bane’s.”

“Great.” He breathed with a smile. He’d been worried about her since he saw her off. “He’ll take care of you. Have a great day.”

“Thanks for everythin’! Goodbye, sir.”

“Goodbye Dani.” He hung up and leaned on the window ignoring the girls asking him who he was talking to. He literally had to crush the phone in his hand to prevent himself from calling back and asking Dani to put Magnus on the phone. He could feel himself start to hyperventilate as despair ate itself deeper into his core. By the Angel did he wanted to go home.

He stayed with the band through their North Carolina show before he split off and started west. All through his travels he stopped keeping a blind eye to the Shadow World and would help those that looked lost. If they needed help he would send them Magnus’s way before moving on. Like when he first started wandering, he stayed somewhere only if he found a job and once he was fired, because he was always fired, he would pick up his check and move on. At some point he splurged on a gym membership to Planet Fitness for the 24 hour access to somewhere warm, a place to get back into working out, and a shower. 

 

While in Pittsburgh, PA, Alec was working the night shift at a gas station. It was close to two in the morning and the station was basically dead. The humming of the refrigerators really the only noise as he quietly read a second hand book he picked up along his travels. The job was one of his longer stints. He managed to survive a week so far and it was looking like he might break his streak.

That hope was snuffed out when a young man looking to be in his early twenties stumbled in. Raising his cool blue eyes off the yellowed pages of his book, Alec noted the man did not look well. He stumbled in a daze and twitched. To the untrained eye a person may assume the man was tripping or detoxing. Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead and he curled into himself as if cramping. 

Placing the book down and standing up, Alec’s eyes tracked the man to the back fridge where he grabbed a bottle of water and started chugging it. He knew exactly what the man was and what he was staving off. “Sir, are you alright?”

For a moment or two the man didn’t reply. He was curled against the glass of the fridge trying to cool down. When he finally looked up his eyes flickered between his natural brown and werewolf green. “I do… I don’t feel… well.”

I would imagine not. “When did this start?”

“Not long… ago.” He shook his head. “I went… to see my girlfriend and she-” He cut himself off with a sob before violent shakes raked his body.

“I know this rarely ever helps, but I need you to try and calm your heart rate.” Alec slowly rounded the counter. His arms out in a calming yet non-threatening way. 

“What is happening?” The man started to panic. “Do I have rabies?”

“Were you attacked by a large dog recently?”

“Yes.”

The rise in octave in the man’s voice had Alec lowering his. “It’s okay. I assure you, you don’t have rabies. What’s your name?”

“What?” The man was suddenly thrown.

“What’s your name? I am Alec.”

“Carter. Carter Cadwell.”

“It’s nice to meet you Carter. Were you bitten a few days ago?”

“Yeah. I was coming back from a party. I just dropped Misty off when out of nowhere a giant dog attacked me. I went to get the bite looked at and they said it was fine. I even got the shots.”

“No one else was hurt?”

“No it was just me.”

“Okay. I know this is scary, but I need you to listen to me. Everything is going to be okay.”

“No it’s not!” He cried. “My girlfriend is cheating on me with some crack head and now I’m dying!”

“Carter. Carter, you aren’t dying.”

“Then why- Oh go- Oh God.” He started cramping again and spasming. “What- AHHH!”

“Carter!” _Shit._ Alec back peddled as Carter started to shift. As much as he wanted to help the other man, Alec knew he needed to keep the newly turned werewolf from getting away and hurting someone. With his decision made, Alec turned and quickly locked himself and Carter in the station. He really hoped nobody would come by. He also really hoped he survived this.

Growling and scraping of claws vibrated through the little store. Grabbing some rope, Alec slowly moved towards where he thought Carter was. “Carter?” He called gently trying not to startle the confused wolf. “Carter, it’s me Alec.” When the ex-Shadowhunter turned a corner, wild green eyes stared at him with drool dripping from the wolf’s chops. “Car-” Alec was unable to finish the man’s name before he was forced to dive out of the way. After that, everything was a flurry of fur, scattered food and other paraphernalia, some blood, and a body remembering how to dodge. At one point, Carter slammed into the glass doors of the refrigerator shattering it and causing the drinks inside to tumble onto him. While the wolf was still dazed from the crash, Alec acted and threw himself at the wolf. Leaning all of his weight onto the powerful creature, he quickly tied a rope muzzle on him before binding the flailing legs.

“Carter! Carter, you need to-” _By the Angel._ It was like trying to stay on a bucking bull! Alec pushed that particular memory away of Magnus trying to convince him to ride a mechanical bull. The Warlock nearly succeeded with some of the promises he whispered in Alec’s ear. “Carter, remember you are human. Come on!” The scared wolf inside Carter was too dominant to allow Alec’s words to penetrate through to the human aspect. Muttering, “Sorry. I’m so sorry.” Over again, Alec wrapped his arm around in a sleeper hold and waited until the Werewolf passed out before sitting against another freezer door. He let himself pant and calm down before throwing the wolf over his shoulders and figuring out what to do next.

Finding Carter’s keys in his discarded shredded pants, Alec went through the back to erase the surveillance feed. After looking around the store that looked like a tornado went through it or an angry bull, he picked Carter up again and headed out towards the lone car. Once the wolf was secured in the back seat, Alec went to lock up and close for the night. He’d figure out what to do later but right now he had more pressing issues. Said pressing issue would be waking soon and probably more pissed than before.

Alec currently had two predicaments now that he had Carter away from the gas station. First and foremost, he was unsure if the basement of the decrepit house he was staying in would hold the wolf should he wake. Second, he had no idea who the local Alpha was. He didn’t even know if the small town even had a local pack. Clearly there were Werewolves, or at least one, running around but there was no way he was going to find the wolf that had bitten the young man. He just hoped that by the time morning came, Carter would naturally transform back into a human and they could figure something out.

At 6:41 in the morning, an exhausted and very naked young man collapsed on the floor covered in blood, dirt, and bits of house. Finally entering the miraculously still standing basement, Alec brought the man some food and water. “Here. You’ll feel better once you’ve drank something.” Like the previous night, Carter chugged the bottle of water and leaned against the cool concrete of the wall.

“What the hell happened?” Terrified eyes looked up at Alec with tears streaking down dirty tan cheeks. “Where am I? Who are you?” Panic started pulsing through the man’s veins sparking green to flash into his eyes. “Have you kidnapped me? Are you going-”

“Carter.” Alec cut through his ramble. “What do you remember about last night?”

“I… I was- I went to see Misty.” Brown eyes scanned the air in front of them even though he wasn’t really seeing anything. “We had a fight and I… I wanted to make things right.”

“Go on.”

“I opened the door and- Fuck!” He covered his face with his hands. “She’s cheating on me. I found out she was fucking the druggie in our Social Justice class. I got mad and left… I wasn’t… I didn’t feel good. The anger it… It felt… it felt alive and I hurt. I don’t remember much. Then I was at the gas station.” He looked back at Alec in recognition. “You were there.”

“I was.” Alec nodded.

“You were the clerk.” Again the Shadowhunter nodded. “You asked if I was okay. My head was fuzzy and I felt hot… I don’t-” He shook his head as if trying to clear it. “I don’t remember much after that. What did I do? Did I chug a handle of Jack or something?”

For a moment Alec didn’t answer. He’d never had to give The Talk before. It was never something he had to do. An Alpha had always been the one to do it or when he found someone they already knew. Even when Simon turned, Clary had been the one to break the news to him. But here he was, an Ex-Shadowhunter about to tell a scared man not only about the Shadow World, but that he was a Werewolf. He was supposed to be staying out of this world…

Taking a breath, he handed Carter a shot of amber alcohol. He didn’t know what kind it was, but the percentage seemed kind of high and was one of the few bottles in close range when he left. “That bad?” The man frowned staring at the mini bottle.

“You’re probably going to want it.” Also handing over a blanket so the man didn’t have to be completely naked at this vulnerable time.

“Wonderful. Cheers.” He held the bottle up before downing it in one go. Shaking his head at the bitter burning taste, Carter motioned for Alec to start talking.

_How would Jace or Luke explain this? How would Magnus?_ Vaguely remembering how his Parabatai broke the news to Clary, Alec started with, “All the legends are true. Just beyond your world is another. A world just beyond your sight known as the Shadow World. This is home to what mundanes, or regular people, know as mythical beings.”

Paling face, Carter asked, “Do you have another?”

Passing another nip over, Alec continued, “You have those who have angelic blood known as Shadowhunters and they are like the police of the Shadow World.” _And tend to be dicks._

“Angels?”

“Part angel.”

“So Nephilim.”

“Yes, but we are not from the union of an angel and human. It’s complicated and currently not that important.”

“You said we. Are you one?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Before Carter could say anything he continued, “Then you have those beings with demon blood or… affliction. Warlocks are children of a woman and a demon. They have magic and are considered immortal. Vampires have a demonic disease that makes them undead and immortal. There is no cure. Then there are Werewolves,” Alec was a bit more careful when explaining this species. “They are those that have also contracted a demonic disease, but are very much alive. They can shift into a wolf especially when their emotions are running high.”

Carter was looking up with a new set of tears blurring his vision. “I’m a... that, aren’t I? I’m… I’m a Werewolf.”

“Yes.” He confirmed. 

Carter started laughing hysterically. It was the type of laugh that only happened when a person was at their breaking point and of course this happened. Of course there was another world just beyond his normal human sight. Of course there was a whole other society that dealt in fantasy. Of course he was a mythical creature now. “Let me guess,” A manic smile spread across his lips. “Fairies also flutter around dancing in nature and sprinkling people with fairy dust so they fly if they really believe.”

Alec frowned not understanding the reference. “Pixies do fly and dance, but never trust the Fair Folk. They are as beautiful as they are cruel. Their ancestry stem from the union between an angel and demon. They cannot lie, but they are clever in their speech.”

“Wonderful. Just fucking wonderful.”

Scratching his head, Alec offered, “It’s going to be okay.”

“Really?” Carter shouted. “I’ve got a fucking demonic disease because some asshole bit me and now I turn into a wolf when I- ARGH.” He curled in on himself and rocked trying not to shift.

“Breathe” Alec reminded as he hovered, unsure if it would do more harm than good to touch the man. After several long minutes of intermittent growling, Carter finally settled. “It will be. Okay, I mean. I understand it’s terrifying,” I should know, I was thrown into a world that I knew nothing about. “But… Downworlders, er that’s what Warlocks, Vampires, Seelies, and Werewolves are called, um anyway, they aren’t that bad. They tend to stand by each other. Wolves have packs and usually take care of their own. There can be assholes that don’t, but most do. They’ll help you through this and aside from heightened senses and being able to shift you’re still the same person.”

Mulling over what Alec said, Carter asked, “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You said you were a Nephilim and the police of the Dark Realm. What were you doing at the gas station? Does your kind go undercover or something?”

Alec looked away and placed a hand to his side. “No. We rarely interact with the Mundane world… I broke the rules and was kicked out of my society. I’d… I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Nephilim sound like dicks.”

Letting out a snort, Alec nodded. “Some can be. Just be careful. I’ll help you find the local pack and if there isn’t one I can send you to a friend. He’ll help you. Only thing is he’s in New York.”

“I have school, Alex.”

“Controlling the shift and adjusting to your heightened senses trumps school. Trust me you don’t want to shift there. You’d be putting yourself and others in danger.”

Carter slumped in defeat. “I guess you’re right.”

“For what’s it’s worth, I’m sorry this happened.”

“What can you do, right?”

Alec merely nodded before getting up. “I’ll go find you some clothes.”

“I have some in the trunk of my car. I keep extras because of work.” With a nod, Alec left and returned not much later. After Carter changed Alec suggested he rest after such a stressful night while he went in search of the local pack.

It took a while mainly because first Alec had to face the wrath of his boss and yet another firing. Even though he thought he was convincing in his acting when trying to spin a story about a random coyote somehow getting in and causing trouble, his stingy boss wanted to hear none of it. He accused Alec of tampering with the camera footage even though the system was easily 20 years old and the police said it wasn’t uncommon for outdated systems to fail. The officer even told him it hadn’t been working for months. It was still all Alec’s fault and the man tried to get Alec arrested for vandalism. The officers merely shook their head, got Alec’s statement, and allowed him to go on his merry way. Without so much as a look back, the ex-Shadowhunter went in search of the town’s pack. 

By the time Alec found the Den of the pack, he was thoroughly impressed. He had been trained basically since birth to recognize Downworlders and be able to track down a Lair, Den, or Clan in no time. This pack had proven to be elusive or maybe Alec was losing his touch. It was a toss-up at this point. 

Looking at the sign it intrigued Alec how packs tended to run some sort of business. He guessed it made sense to keep everyone together and working to earn money so they could take care of each other. It was just interesting that the two packs that he currently knew of ran a bar. Granted The Hunter’s Moon wasn’t New York’s Den, but still it was pack run and many of the wolves congregated there. Shaking off memories he didn’t particularly want to remember, he pushed the door open and was almost immediately slammed into a table. A woman with emerald glowing eyes and sharp teeth snapped at him as her forearm held him down.

“What do you want, Shadowhunter?” She snarled the last word as if it dirtied her mouth just by saying it.

He didn’t bother to correct her. He didn’t think she’d listen anyway. With his hands raised in surrender, he carefully said, “I need to speak with your Alpha. No one’s in trouble, but there is a matter of importance I need to speak to them about.”

“You tell me what it is and I’ll decide of what you say is worthy to be granted an audience.”

Taking a second to think it over he figured why not? What he was going to inform the Alpha of wasn’t a secret. “There’s a new Werewolf they need to be aware of.”

For a split second the woman’s face morphed into surprise before the mask of hatred and aggression returned. “And you know because?”

“He attacked me.”

The woman cursed as she pressed Alec harder into the table. It was becoming difficult to breathe. “Kai, get Shiva.” The wolf snapped not taking her eyes off the Nephilim.

Within five minutes, a cool musical voice drifted over to the pair. “Nina, please release the Shadowhunter.” The woman, Nina, snarled at Alec before backing off and falling back to the Alpha’s side. “I apologies for how my Beta treated you. She is protective of me and the pack.”

“I understand. No harm done, don’t worry about it.” Alec straightened his old clothes to be a little presentable. “Thank you for allowing me into your Den.”

Shiva’s eyebrows raised in surprise. Shadowhunters don’t tend to be polite. “You’re awfully polite for a Shadowhunter.”

Alec winced before admitting, “I am no longer one.”

“Oh?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Then why are you here? Kai said there was a werewolf that attacked you.”

Nodding Alec explained, “He’s newly turned and didn’t know what he was. His first shift was last night. I was working at a local gas station,” A few wolves snickered but quickly went silent when their Alpha glared at them. “When he came in. He didn’t look good and I asked if he was alright. He replied he wasn’t and then shifted.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, a few bruises but nothing serious. I was able to subdue him and ah,” Alec started scratching the back of his head. “I locked him in a basement until he shifted back. He’s currently sleeping since he didn’t get much last night and I informed him what he was.”

“That was brave of you. Not many would have helped him.”

Alec cocked his head with a frown. “I was only doing my job.”

Shiva looked at him with her clear grey eyes as if seeing deep inside him. She hummed before saying, “Right.”

“I don’t want to sound accusatory because that is not my intention, but you should be aware someone bit him without his consent. You can ask him to confirm, but he said that he was attacked by a large dog and was bitten. He even went to get the bite looked at.”

Shiva narrowed her eyes, “I will talk to him about the matter and deal with it accordingly.”

“Okay.”

“Not going to inform the local Institute?” Nina snarled.

“Nina.” Shiva warned while Alec shook his head.

“Why would I? You seem to have it under control and I am no longer part of the Clave.” Turning his eyes back to the Alpha, he said, “I’ll go see if he’s awake and then bring him to you.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“Shiva…” Nina glared at Alec but the concern in her voice was clear.

Caressing the Beta’s cheek the Alpha whispered, “I’ll be fine and this pup needs me. I’ll be back soon.”

“Don’t hesitate to kill him if he tries anything.”

_I’m right here._ Alec didn’t bother saying anything as he turned to leave. He wasn’t even three steps out of the bar before the Alpha was beside him. “Does it bother you that she is my partner?”

“No, I myself am gay. I don’t appreciate her attitude towards me.” He sighed. “I get it, I just...” He was tired and lonely and frustrated and wanted to go home. “Downworlders don’t tend to like Shadowhunters and how she acted towards me I understand. Most Shadowhunters treat all of you worse. I know I used to, but it still sucks.”

“That it does.” The rest of the way was silent. While the Alpha watched the man before her, Alec was lost in his own head. Evaluating all the interactions and snide comments he’d made about Downworlders before he met Magnus. The guilt weighing on him and adding more to his shame.

Once the pair arrived at the decrepit house Shiva paused. “You kept him here?” The alarm in her voice almost made Alec wince.

“I had nowhere else to hold him.” Was his simple reply before he continued inside. Trudging down the steps to the basement surprisingly quiet, the Nephilim knocked on the door. “Carter? It’s Alec.” Pushing it open he found the man groggily sitting up. “How are you feeling?”

“Like absolute shit, but I think it’s an upgrade from yesterday.” The man’s eyes drifted to the figure behind Alec.

“Carter, I’d like you to meet the local Alpha Shiva. Shiva, this is Carter Cadwell.” Alec introduced.

She stepped further in and did her best to not frighten the young man. “It is a pleasure to meet you Carter. I’m sorry that we are meeting under these circumstances and I was unaware you were walking around unprepared.”

It took a moment for Carter to say anything. He stared at the woman slightly shorter than himself, but held herself as if she were an Amazonian Queen. “Hello and it’s not… it’s not your fault. What happens now?”

“The Pack will take you in and we will help you navigate being a Werewolf and Downworlder society.”

Unable to help his visceral reaction the young Werewolf looked to Alec for confirmation. They may not have known each other long, but the older man had helped and kept him safe when he didn’t know what he was doing. With a nod, Alec confirmed, “If they are anything like the pack where I am from, Shiva and her pack can help you. They’ll watch over you and keep you safe while making the adjustment period as painless as possible. It’ll be hard, but not impossible.”

“Will you be around?” If I need help was left unsaid.

Sadly Alec shook his head, “I’m moving on and I don’t belong to the Shadow World anymore.”

“Why? You can get kicked out?”

Alec shifted uncomfortably, “You really can’t, but… I was kicked out of Nephilim society.”

“They can do that?” Carter’s eyes widened. “What dicks!”

“I broke the rules and I’m paying the consequences. Besides, the Shadow World is too dangerous for me now. I can’t protect myself.”

“We could? Couldn’t we?” His eyes looked to Shiva.

The Alpha’s posture softened to almost defeat, “Unfortunately not. Our kind and the Nephilim do not tend to get along and if he, no matter the reason, was str- kicked out, it would be foolhardy for us to take him in. We could offer him sanctuary for a bit, but he isn’t a Wolf. The Nephilim… They are a part but don’t really belong in the Shadow World. They’ve always taken care of themselves and I’m sorry, but I can’t risk my pack.”

Alec shook his head in sad understanding. “I know. I knew I wasn’t going to last long here anyway. It was only a matter of time before I got fired-”

“You got fired!” Carter shouted and was suddenly on his feet. It should have alerted the Alpha that something wasn’t quite right with Alec when he barely flinched at the sudden movement. But then again she was too busy worrying about the newly turned Werewolf to be paying attention to him.

“Yes. Don’t.” Alec commanded. “It wasn’t your fault. I’m not very good at this whole mundane thing. I was bound to get fired sooner or later.”

“But-”

“Think nothing of it. Worry about yourself. I’ll be okay.” He gave a weak smile that didn’t reach his tired eyes.

Shiva stepped in to try and relieve some tension. “Let’s get back to the Den. My Beta Nina will have cleared some of the other members so you won’t be overwhelmed. We can talk more there.” With a nod, the trio made their way back to the bar where they Shiva spent hours answering all of Carter’s questions and reassuring him. By the time night fell Carter looked ready to pass out again. 

“We have some beds available upstairs for those who are either too drunk to get home or need the safety. Both of you may use a bed if you’d like. It’s the least I can offer tonight.”

Alec was tempted to politely refuse. He shouldn’t stay longer than he had to, but he was exhausted. There was no way he would be making it anywhere other than the floor. With a thank you, the Nephilim stumbled upstairs where he quickly washed the day off and waited for Carter to pass out in his bed. Although he could barely keep his eyes open, Alec’s mind remained awake. He could hear everyone downstairs boisterously having a grand time. It reminded him of his dates with Magnus at The Hunter’s Moon. The nights spend sipping his beer and trying to out play Magnus at pool. He wished to go back in time just to spend one more carefree night with Magnus.

By eleven the next morning, Alec was packed, not that he had much to pack, washed, and ready to go. To his surprise Carter was taking his leaving a lot harder than he thought. They barely knew each other and he didn’t think he left that big of an impression. But eventually the younger man was settled enough that seeing Alec leave wouldn’t have been that traumatic for him. 

With his bag shoulder, Shiva stepped forward to wish him luck. “Thank you for helping Carter and informing us about the rogue wolf in my territory. It will be dealt with swiftly.” Pulling out a piece of paper, she handed it to him. “If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call. We will do our best to assist if we can.”

Looking down Alec saw her name written down with two phone numbers. One for her cell phone and one to the bar. “Thank you, but you didn’t need to.”

“You helped my pack.”

“You gave me a place to sleep.”

Her eyes softened somehow understanding that a bed to sleep on was a rarity for him. “Take it just in case and if you are ever in the area don’t hesitate to visit.”

“Okay, thank you.” He would probably never use it, but it didn’t hurt to have. “Thank you for the bed, but I should be going. You’re in safe hands Carter, you’ll be fine.”

“Thank you. For everything.” Without hesitating, Carter pulled a surprised Alec into a hug. “Stay safe.”

“You too.” Looking at the few Werewolves he nodded at them. “Have a good day.”

He turned to leave and had only take a few steps before Shiva called out, “Wait!” He turned and looked at her expectantly. “Somehow it never came up, but what is your name? I apologize for never asking.”

“Alec Lightwood.” With a final nod, he turned and left not seeing the surprised look on the Alpha’s face. His name had made it far and wide. A Shadowhunter who had not only come out as gay in a society that was considerably homophobic, but had kissed a Downworlder at his own wedding. Not just any Downworlder, the High Warlock of Brooklyn. What the hell was he doing wandering around on his own? More importantly, what the hell had he done to get stripped of his runes?


	6. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a few days late. Last week was wicked busy and then I had my animal chiropractic course. I would have done it Friday once I was back but I went out with my group and didn't get home til 12am and then I had an accident on Saturday that had me staying with a friend of a friend. I'm okay, but now I don't have a car and things are a bit stressful. BUT! Here it is. Another wonderful chapter. 
> 
> To all the moms out there: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! Cheers, Angels!

While on the road he had his good and bad days. Some days he would end up sitting in the abandoned building he was squatting in, a small shop, or library staring unseeing before him. Other days he only moved to relieve himself. On really bad days he’d sleep fitfully or stare at the ceiling until the sun set and rose signaling a new day.However, not every day began and ended in a depressed haze. His best two weeks was spent shelving books, cleaning CDs/DVDs, and helping patrons find books. Working at the library made him feel useful for the first time since helping Mara and her band. It was a pretty low key job where his co-workers were nice and often kind to him. One even offered him a room in her house upon finding out he was staying in a motel (read abandoned building). His depression seemed to be at bay as he found himself in a stable job, warm, safe house, and a home cooked meal waiting for him at the end of the day. The couple even offered him a few hand me down shirts and sweaters their son and grandchildren no longer wanted. Unfortunately, the library was unable to keep him. Due to budget cuts and since he was the newest of the employees they had to let him go. With a sad farewell from the librarians and two other Pages, he gave a small smile and moved on. He thought about staying (the couple even offered to let him stay in the room while he looked for another job), but decided against it. He’d stayed too long. Who knew when he would bump into someone from the Shadow World or was somehow found by his family? 

While in Ohio, Alec received a disconcerting phone call. He was sitting in a local cafe that was busy due to it being around lunch time. Feeling his pocket vibrate, he picked it up. “Hello?”

“Hey Alec, Magnus wasn’t home so I’m walking to the… the Jade Wolf.” Rory, the werewolf he ran into in Indiana replied. “I’m almost there. This is a wolf’s den, right?”

“Yes, ask for Luke and Magnus. Luke is the local Alpha, he’ll know where Magnus is. Although, you might have better luck with him.”

“Because he’s a werewolf?”

“Yes. Magnus would probably send you to him anyway.”

“Okay, I’m entering.” Alec heard the bell go off from above door. “Um, does anyone know where Luke Galloway is? Or Magnus Bane?” Alec waited patiently as Rory talked with another wolf. Within a minute Luke’s voice could quietly be heard through the phone’s speaker. “Wait what?” Alec sat up at the slight distress in Rory’s voice. “Um… Hold on.” Alec knew the words weren’t for him, but the next ones were. “Hey so there’s a problem with Magnus.”

“What do you mean?” Panic bubbled up inside him as worst case scenarios went through his mind of what could possibly be wrong. “Magnus is missing.”

“Put Luke on now.” Alec instructed. Before Luke could say anything, Alec demanded, “Luke, where’s Magnus?”

Skipping pleasantries, Luke answered, “We currently aren’t sure. Him, Maia, Raphael, and Meliorn have been kidnapped.”

“By who?” Alec hadn’t hated more than now not being a part of the Shadow World.

There was a slight pause before Luke’s voice dropped. “We believe Sebastian. A lot has happened since you left.”

Gripping the edge of the table he was sitting at, the young man breathed out, “Is there anything I can do?”

“No.” Luke replied sadly. “We’re still looking. All Shadowhunters have been pulled from the Institutes. Your family is safe as far as we know. We will find them Alec.”

“Thank you.” Then he pressed the end button as panic flooded his body.

_Magnus was missing._

The statement repeated in his mind and wouldn’t stop. His breathing picked up making it harder to pull air into his lungs.

_Sebastian was back._

How could he have left? How could he have abandoned his family when that psychopath was still running around? He felt his body shake and clench.

_His family was in Idris and in danger._

_He wasn’t there to help or protect them._

Alec’s eyes stared at the chipped wooden table unseeing as tears formed in his eyes. He gulped for air even though his chest barely expanded. His hands gripped the table to the point of becoming a milk white.

_Magnus was missing._

The Soundless rune on his forearm and wrist stood out as especially silvery pink against his bloodless hand. The edges of his vision were beginning to darkening. What was he supposed to do? He was a stripped ex-Shadowhunter. He was as useless as a newborn. He would be more trouble than helpful if he tried to do anything. But he couldn’t keep bouncing around knowing his friends and family were missing and in danger. He needed to do something, anything.

Twenty minutes later Alec finally released the table. He flexed his hands a few times to relieve them of the cramping that had set in from contracting them for so long. Wearily, he stood up with his body feeling like lead. Once outside he stared up at the overcast sky while rubbing the back of his neck. What was his next move? Sleep. His body demanded it after experiencing one of his worse panic attacks in a long time. When he arrived at the boarded up building that two other transients were residing in, he hugged his bag and curled up for a nap. The next time he woke up the sun was setting and the temperature was dropping again. Adding more layers and stuffing his clothes with newspaper, his fingers brushed against a smooth strip of paper. Pulling it out he ran rough fingers over the four pictures of him and Magnus in Japan. “Magnus, where are you?” He whispered to the pictures. Magnus didn’t reply. He was the worst boyfriend ever.

The next day he went to work and informed his boss that he had to quit. He was sorry, but there was somewhere he was needed to do. With his last shift ending, the manager gave him an advance on his check and a wish for the best. Lifting his bag on his shoulder he started toward home. After months on the road, he was finally heading back to the place he had vehemently been avoiding. 

 

Walking through the streets of New York City was like breathing a breath of fresh air even if the air was actually polluted. This place was home. Oh how Alec had missed the atmosphere. Keeping his hood up, he walked through the streets anonymously. The familiarity of everything calmed his nerves that never quite settle while he traveled around. Making his way towards Brooklyn, Alec made sure to be extra careful. He may be back in New York but he didn’t want anyone to know. He didn’t plan on staying. It was a crushing decision, but he knew he couldn’t. He’d almost been caught by a few demons and other Downworlders while traveling. It was better if he kept moving.

Upon seeing Magnus’s building he felt his soul call out. This was his home. This was where he should have been. He failed his boyfriend. In all honesty, Alec would be surprised if Magnus ever wanted to see him again. Taking a deep breath, he started towards the door. To his surprise it still opened to his touch. His heart jumped with hope that maybe if he ever came back Magnus wouldn’t automatically shut the door in his face. 

Looking around he softly walked through the building until he arrived outside Magnus’s door. Fear and anticipation pumped through his veins as he stared at the handle. Maybe the Warlock had returned in the five days it took Alec to reach New York. No, he couldn’t chicken out now, he needed to do this. He needed to know for sure that Magnus was either missing or home safe. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door to find a silent loft. It felt lifeless. The energy that always surrounded Magnus was absent and left the loft feeling cold. “Hello?” He called only for his whisper to bounce through the apartment. To his surprise his greeting was answered by Chairman Meow.

“Hey Chairman.” He greeted as the cat rubbed against him and complained. “I know, Magnus is missing. Come on, let’s get you something to eat.” Placing his bag next to the door, Alec walked through the apartment as if he never left. Easily finding the expensive wet food, the only thing worthy of Magnus’s beloved cat, he cracked the can open, plopped the contents on a plate, and placed it on the floor. The Chairman greedily consumed his supper while Alec filled the water bowl. Heading outside with dry food, he filled the bowls for the strays Magnus always fed. After replacing the cat food where it was kept, Alec couldn’t help but walk the loft. Everything was in disarray as it always was when Magnus was working on something. He noticed some scorch marks on the floor, almost fully melted candles clumped together off to the side, and dozens of books piled on different surfaces. He missed a lot while he travelled. Regret burrowed deep as he realized once more that he had abandoned everyone he loved.

Debating on whether or not to stay and see if Magnus did return home, Alec ultimately decided against it.“Alright Chairman, I’ll be back probably tomorrow.” He scratched the cat’s chin before turning and leaving. He couldn’t stay in the loft any longer because it hurt too much. Memories of the time he spent with Magnus after being stripped crashed through his mind. Memories of them happily together hurt more. Pulling his hood back up, he walked around trying to decide what to do. Too many people knew him in the city.   
Hopping on the train towards Long Island he spent almost a month commuting back and forth to take care of Magnus’s cats while keeping his ear out for information. The second day back in the City, Alec pulled out Shiva’s number and stared at it. Even though she wasn’t from New York he wondered if maybe she had heard something. News from a source he didn’t have. From someone that maybe wouldn’t spread rumors or gossip all around the Shadow World. Maybe she had a friend in the Shadow Market or went herself and knew something. Taking a chance, he pulled out his cellphone and called her.

“Hello?” Shiva’s familiar voice greeted although it did sound a little distracted.

“Hello, Shiva. It’s Alec.” He greeted back as his foot tapped rapidly on the ground.

There was a note of surprise as she said, “Alec! I never thought I’d hear from you. How are you?”

“I’m… okay I guess. How are you? How’s Carter?”

“He’s settling in well and actually broke up with his… girlfriend. He’s sad but in a much better place and I am fine. Something tells me this isn’t what you want to talk about.”

He felt bad that he was only calling her for information. “You wouldn’t be wrong.” He heard her chuckle and shift. “I was actually wondering if you had heard anything about Sebastian or those he’s taken?”

She hummed in thought. “Side from the Institute being abandoned, I haven’t heard much. I can ask the rest of the pack. I know a few of them have friends around the world and I’ll keep an ear out. Is everything okay?”

“No.” He replied honestly. “It’s really not. Thank you.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help. Do you need anything?”

“Please let me know if you hear anything… I know the ones that had been taken.”

“I’m sorry, Alec.”

“Thank you. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yes. Don’t throw this phone away until I hear something or they’re found. Have a good day.”

“And you.” He pressed end feeling himself start to shake. It was going to be a long night.

Most days he either worked as a bartender (after one too many broken glasses they fired him) or a delivery guy. He actually managed to keep the delivery job for a few weeks. The six to eight hour shifts enabled him to jump on the train early in the morning or late at night, feed the dramatic cats, and then head back where he ended up at the local Planet Fitness to workout and shower. 

As the days slowly passed Alec’s bad days started outweighing his better ones. Anxiety over his friends, family, and Magnus started triggering attacks at least once a day. On several occasions his co-workers suggested seeing someone for it. Each time he refused knowing it wouldn’t help much. It wasn’t like he could tell anyone about what was causing him so much panic. Mundanes weren’t supposed to know about the Shadow World and even though he was new to being a Mundane, Alec was well aware he would sound crazy if he said something. Thus he powered through each attack exhausted and uncaring about much else.

Finally, about a month or so after the phone call to Luke, Alec heard rumors that Sebastian had been defeated. Said rumors had even reached Shiva and she called him with the news. He nearly broke down on the phone from pure joy that they had been found. Although he kept working, whenever he went to Magnus’s loft he watched for the return of either life in the Warlock’s building or the Institute. At the first indication that someone was moving around the apartment, Alec turned around and headed back to Long Island. It was the hardest thing he had ever done. He stayed at his job a week longer before moving on towards New England. 

Arriving in a small farming community in Vermont, Alec found a payphone that still worked. Tapping his finger on the dial he finally pressed the ten numbers he had memorized the moment Luke said Magnus had gone missing. Within three rings Rory’s familiar voice answered. “Hello?”

“Hi, Rory.” Alec greeted. “How are you?”

“Alec!” The werewolf grinned. “I’m doing great. The pack is really nice and took me in. How are you?”

“Alright. Would you mind finding Luke and putting him on? If he’s nearby.” Alec’s stomach began to churn and his body felt like a live wire burning with too much energy.

“Oh yeah hold on.”

“Thank you and I’m glad you are fitting in well with the pack.”

“Thanks, me too.” Moving towards the back of the Hunter’s Moon, he found Luke talking with Bat. “Luke, it’s for you.”

“Hello?” Luke’s confused voice answered.

“Hi Luke.” Alec bit his lip as his fingers played with the cord of the phone.

“Alec! Are you alright?”

“Is Magnus okay? Is everyone safe?” He suddenly felt like he was going to pass out or fall into a full blown anxiety attack.

Hearing how tense his friend’s voice was and the shallow breathing, Luke quickly answered, “Yes. Those kidnapped were brought back safe… well except Raphael. Magnus is safe. Your family is also safe.”

Breathing out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, Alec muttered, “Good.” Leaning heavily against the glass wall he started sliding. “Thank you.”

“Alec-”

“I have to go. Stay safe and thank you for taking care of Rory. Goodbye, Luke.” He hung up before Luke could say anything else. Everyone was safe. Magnus was back home and no longer in danger. His family wasn’t in danger anymore. Sebastian was taken care of. He felt warm tears slide down his cheeks as relief replaced all the panic he had held inside. Wiping his hand down his face, he pushed off and headed out of the booth. Alec stayed in Vermont for two days before moving further north.


	7. Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a rough chapter to write and finish. I don't know why but it was. It really shouldn't have been that bad since I knew the setting, but alas the situation Alec found himself in was a doozy to write. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and have a great weekend. Cheers, Angels!

By hapchance, Alec found a job as a farm hand in Maine. At first he and the owner thought he was going to be fired or dead within the first week. Prepping the fields for spring seeding was not his forte. He jammed machines and nearly got ran over four times. The donkey guarding the fields nearly took his hand and a few fingers off at least seven times. If it wasn’t for his natural Shadowhunter reflexes he would have been missing body parts. Donkeys were mean.

He found his niche caring for the animals (excluding the donkey. She still looked at him like she was planning his murder), especially the four cows the farm had. For whatever reason the cows loved him and eagerly greeted him whenever he was around. The family laughed the first time Azalia, the oldest of the four, fell asleep on him while he was taking a break. Half an hour later his laughing employer came over and woke Azalia up. She was quite unhappy with no longer being able to nap on her favorite human. 

A part of Alec liked working with the animals better than the farm equipment. It didn’t take much to make the barn presentable and waking up early to feed, brush, and let them out didn’t bother him. Most days he had fitful rest anyways therefore waking up to do something enabled him not to think much about his nightmares. The farm started calling him the animal whisperer because no matter the temperament of the creature they all seemed to like Alec. Even the stubborn gelding, Loki, came in for the night when the young man called him. Only a few times did Loki try to bite Alec when he was brushing him. A slice of an apple was always nearby to entice the horse to behave became a staple. The only one that barely tolerated him was Cynthia, but the donkey didn’t like anyone but the miniature horse Pablo.

Like most of Alec’s jobs it came time for him to say farewell. The farm no longer needed him and he was getting antsy to leave. Although the farm had done some good for the lost ex-Shadowhunter, he was ready to move on. He left looking healthier and feeling less like the world was crushing him.

He ended up stopping for a time in Massachusetts. Originally he was supposed to breeze passed the state but the train he was on ended up breaking down and they were transported to Lawrence. With at least a day before he could catch the next bus to his next destination, Alec found himself wandering the streets. It was a mill city with more parts sketchy than safe. He found it odd how many barber shops existed in close proximity to each other until he realized you were probably able to get more than just a haircut at these places. He kept walking.

As the night drew closer and more questionable people started emerging to work, Alec started looking for somewhere to go. He thought the worst of it would be trying to find a place to stay (he was told by one couple to check out Lazarus House) or avoiding the various women offering him a good time for price. However, what ended up causing him to stay up most of the night and almost die was running into a turf war between the Lawrence Vampire Clan and the local Werewolf Den. All Alec could think was ‘of course this was his luck!’ All he wanted to do was find somewhere to pretend to sleep, get to the train in the morning, and then leave. But no. No, he had to accidentally walk into an almost full out war. 

The moment he stepped onto the sidewalk after crossing the street, a blur of motion crashed in front of him. The locals started running for cover as the streets started to flood with wolves and hissing Vampires. As he looked around for somewhere to go, a light brown wolf crashed into him. For a moment he honestly thought it was going to rip his throat out thinking he was a Vampire, but then it froze. Inhaling deeply near his neck, it backed away and snapped at him. Then to Alec’s surprise, the fighting around him stopped. All eyes were on him as he slowly stood up and adjusted his pack.

Finally an older man stepped towards him with glaring eyes. “What do you want, Shadowhunter? This isn’t your concern.”

Part of him wanted to argue. Clearly the Clan and Pack didn’t give a rats-ass about being caught which was against some major Shadow World rules. Of course he refrained since he didn’t feel like dying any time soon. With his hands raised, Alec replied, “Does the local Institute know about this?”

A wolf snorted. “They don’t care. Clearly you aren’t from around here.”

“Clearly. Just passing through.”

“So no one will care.” The older man muttered with a fanged smile.

“I wouldn’t say that.” He hoped his voice was steady and they didn’t hear the slight uptick in his heart. No one knew where he was and he highly doubted anyone back home would hear of his death if anything happened. “What are you fighting about?”

Everyone present looked at him as though he was being dumb. “What do you think? They’re wolves, we’re vampires. Eternal enemies forever.”

“Plus, they’re trying to take our territory.” Snapped the wolf from before.

Suddenly the relatively calm atmosphere stormed with tension as the Vampires turned and snarled at the Werewolves. “Your territory?” The Clan leader let out a harsh laugh. “This was never yours. This has been ours since before the turn of last century.”

“Your memories must be fading grandma. Our Pack has been running this place since 1895. Get off our land!” Thus the temporary truce was broken as the two species once again started tearing each other apart. Dodging out of the way, Alec crashed into the metal barrier protecting the store from being broken into. As he tried to escape Alec felt a hand grab him and pull him into a duplex.

“Stay here. You’ll get killed if you try to get away.” A young woman of about 18 whispered. “They do this every night. It’s best if you stay inside. Everyone knows to escape into the closest building once they start. Less casualties that way.”

“This happens every night?” Alec asked. Against his better judgement he followed her inside where her mother, father, and four younger siblings were having dinner.

“Papa. Mama. We have a guest.” 

The family looked up surprised. “Ana?”

“This is-”

“Alec. Alec Lightwood.” He introduced.

He watched as the family spoke without saying anything. Finally the father nodded and Ana ushered him to the table where another chair was brought for him. “How do you know our Ana?”

“Ah…” Well this was going to be awkward. “She saved me from the fight outside.”

The mother sighed. “Ana. You know better.”

“But mama!” The girl cried. “He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Aren’t we supposed to help those who need it?”

“Ana.”

“Don’t Ana me. He clearly isn’t from here.”

“Yes, how did you end up here?” The father asked.

Scratching his neck, Alec replied, “My train broke down and the next one doesn’t run until tomorrow.”

“See, he needs our help.”

Ana’s father gave her a stern look before looking back at Alec. “Where were you headed?”

“Virginia sir.”

“Oh?” He looked surprised. “What’s in Virginia?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“You don’t have family there?”

“No, they’re in New York.”

“I see. Well, best not go out tonight. They sound like they’ll be fighting for a while.” He shakes his head. “They weren’t always like this. Or at least that’s what my great grandfather said.”

“What do you mean?” Alec inquired.

“It was as peaceful as Lawrence could be until my grandfather’s generation. No one seems to remember when the hostilities began. Some say it was soon after the Bread and Roses Strike, while others believe it was in the 60s when immigrants from Cuba and Dominican Republic arrived. The reason has been lost. The turnover and death on both sides has made it impossible for anyone to know what happened.”

Something stirred in Alec as he pondered this new information. “I might be able to help or at least find out the history.”

“That’s kind of you, but don’t bother. They’re rival gangs, nothing will stop them.”

“I have to at least try. You aren’t safe while they fight.”

The father sighed, “You can stop them, but this is Lawrence. Even though we try our best, it’s not a great place to live.”

“Well, I can at least prevent some harm if I can get them to stop or form some truce.” And so Alec went to work the next day trying to figure out what went wrong. He started in the library archives to see if there was anything. He knew it wasn’t necessarily the place to find Shadow World information, but even the mundanes captures some Downworlder business. Besides it wasn’t like the two species were keeping their war under-wraps. 

It took a while. The time for him to catch a train came and went without him even glancing at the clock on the wall. With half a page worth of notes, Alec went to ask where he could find the business the Wolves ran in the city. Although he lived most of his life in New York City and fought demons for as long as he could remember, meeting the wolves of Lawrence scarred him. The way they looked at him made him realize one false move and he would be sleeping with the fishes of the Merrimack River.

Somehow he managed it. Alec by some grace was able to talk with the pack Alpha about possibly forming a truce or smooth over some of the tension between the two factions. It took several hours but eventually he was able to ask about the pack’s history. After getting everything he needed, Alec took a breath and headed towards the Clan. The Clan was even more terrifying than the Werewolves. Alec watched as they shifted in their stances ready to attack him. After being granted audience with the leader, he spent the next five hours talking with her. She was a lovely woman turned in her early thirties with long wavy chestnut hair and dark alluring eyes. She had taken over a decade ago when the last leader had been pulled apart by Werewolves.

After learning the history behind the Vampire Clan, Alec thanked the woman for her time and returned to Ana’s parent’s house. As he poured over the information he had gathered, a few details weren’t adding up. Sleeping for about five hours, he headed back out to gather more information. 

The last step for Alec was making his way to North Andover where he met an older vampire that lived quietly in his mini mansion tending to his gardens. The place was grand yet simple and homie. It soothed Alec and made him forget he was in the presence of a Vampire. The man spoke of his time in Lawrence and everything he had seen. Then he spoke of the rumors he had heard after he left. He had grown tired of living in the place that always reminded him of his family that had long since died. He moved far enough away that he didn’t have to visit places that held too many memories while still being able to visit his sister’s grave. After spending all night speaking with the man, Alec thanked him and went on his way so the man could sleep.

Four days after starting his impromptu research, he finally thought he had the story right. The leader of the Vampire Clan Jazelle, the Alpha Ricardo, Alec and one other member from each group met in The Claddagh. It was busy which made it a perfect place to talk without anyone listening. 

“What do you think you found?” Ricardo asked taking a swig from his pint.

“Well,” Alec began while pulling pieces of paper out. “Back in roughly 1848 Ireland an Irish family, the Riley’s, had their second child-”

“Why do we care about this?” Jazelle asked dully already bored. “We are hardly Irish and this is definitely not Ireland.”

“Because they are your history.” When the leaders looked at him questioningly, he continued. “This son grew up and married and had three children. The eldest we don’t particularly care about. It’s the twins we do. Their names were Liam and Mairéad Riley. When they were about twenty years old they came to America for a better life. Their family had never fully recovered from the potato famine and thus were sent to try and achieve the American Dream. They arrived in Boston in about 1887. That’s the closest date I could find for their arrival. Anyway, they both worked in the mills. This is where it gets interesting. Sometime between their arrival and the turn of the century, they were turned. Liam was bitten by a Vampire while Mairéad became a werewolf.”

“Good for them. So what?” The Vampire was ready to ditch the pub and go have fun.

“This is important because they ended up moving to Lawrence where Liam started his Clan and Mairéad her Pack. From what I can tell they remained cordial with each other and the territories between the two species was peaceful. There was very little fighting. I found maybe one or two incidents in the mundane papers, but aside from that Lawrence prospered and the growing Downworld population was stable. Even after Mairéad died of old age and Liam eventually stepped down as Clan leader there was peace.”

“How do you know this?” Ricardo asked skeptically.

Looking up from his notes, Alec replied, “I went over everything both of you told me, looked for days into the history of Lawrence, and spoke with Liam himself.”

“He’s still alive?”

“Yes and wishes to be left alone. As I was saying, peace lasted for a few decades before around the 1970s all hell broke loose. Backstabbing started to happen. Vampires started cheating the Werewolves while the Werewolves started cheating the Vampires out of shares that were rightfully theirs.” Alec flipped three pictures to face the leaders. “Anna-Maria Gallo, Michael Smith, and Tyler McVicar plotted to upturn everything. They liked to create chaos wherever they went. The trio I was able to link to fourteen instances where peace was collapsed. They waltzed in, became part of a Clan and Pack, found a way to cause distrust, and then they disappeared after about a year. They started rumors, altered books, convinced inebriated Vampires or Werewolves to steal, etc. This is where everything started.”

The leaders looked at each other and then back at Alec. Finally Ricardo asked, “So?”

Blinking, Alec replied, “So? So you can stop this nonsense and quit fighting each other.”

“I don’t think you understand Shadowhunter. They have killed I don’t know how many of us, there’s no way we can let that go unchallenged.”

Jazelle snarled, “Us? What of you? We’ve lost just as many! You think it’s that simple, Nephilim?”

“Yes.” Alec snapped, fed up with them. “I get it. I do. You’ve each lost many members of your species, your family but that doesn’t mean you should continue. All this… bullshit started because three beings that loved chaos decided to waltz in and topple a peaceful alliance. You are feeding right into their hand. Your fighting is pointless-”

“Pointless! I’ve lost a sister, two nephews, and a granddaughter because of her!” Ricardo growled while pointing at the Vampire.

“My condolences for that, but how many more family and Clan members are you willing to risk for absolutely no reason?” Ice cold eyes glared at both leaders. “You have a chance to stop this ridiculous territory war and work towards peace. Instead of destroying each other until neither side is left or the local Shadowhunters finally decide they’re sick of your fighting you could do something to heal what’s been broken. I suggest you start talking and compromising. You could literally rebuild this city and make it great. You could finally walk these streets and not have to worry about getting your throat ripped out.”

“Never thought I’d meet a Shadowhunter that’s an idealist. That’ll never happen. Too much blood has been spilled to stop now.”

“I have to agree with Ricky here. We could never stop them from fighting. There is too much hate.”

“Then maybe you should not be the leaders anymore.” Both Downworlders snarled at Alec but he remained unfazed. “If you can’t control your people or you don’t want peace then step aside and let someone else lead.”

“Maybe you should take your own advice. Your Clave isn’t exactly perfect.”

Alec held back a flinch and continued to glare. “First, don’t deflect with me. I basically raised my siblings and trying to throw the Clave at me won’t change what we are talking about. Second, my opinion doesn’t matter to the Clave. I am nothing to them and even if I wanted to change them I can’t now.” Standing up, he threw a few dollars on the table to pay for his water and tip. “Think on what we’ve talked about. I’m only here for a day or two so if you need me call this number.” He left his number on the table and turned to leave. “I’ve lost my chance to change laws for the better, don’t make the same mistake.” Then he disappeared to try and find somewhere to sleep for the night. Or perhaps walk until he was too tired to keep going. Either way he didn’t feel like interacting with the Shadow World any further.

Spending an extra two days in Lawrence meant being dragged into countless hours of arguments, almost fights, and a lot of talking in circles. As the two sides yelled and quarreled with each other, Alec quietly took notes on what both sides wanted. This was beginning to reminding him of the good old days of Venn diagrams and pros/cons worksheets. Eventually after everything was shouted and all the degrading terms were used up, Alec had the leaders once again sit across from each other and presented his options on peace. He had to remind them multiple times that compromising was necessary on both sides, but overall the amnesty would be beneficial for everyone. Another few hours passed as they went over the options, the leaders yelled some more, and changes were made to the treaty they decided on. By the time the three were done, Jazelle was ready to return to her house, Ricardo wanted nothing more than to go back to the Den and sleep, and Alec just wanted to leave. He wished the pair good luck and headed to the train station to finally renew his voucher. He was ready for a change in scenery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update to anyone who cares: My car has been declared a total loss. Now I must find another one -_-' I'm not thrilled at this but on the bright side I do need a car that can handle country roads. Poor Tobias could not.


	8. Stability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah this chapter. I adore this chapter. I hope you do too. Cheers, Angels! 
> 
> Fun Fact: some of these original characters are taken taken from other stories I have written

Alec made his way down to Virginia before homesickness sent him back up towards New York. Knowing he couldn’t return to Brooklyn, he found himself in New Jersey. He stopped in a Sicilian Bakery to warm up from an especially cool day and a rest. He was tired and mentally checked out. 

The shop was homie with a baby grand piano off to the right, chairs and tables on the left to sit and relax, and then the counter filled with pastries and breads a little deeper in. Taking a step in, the bell above the door jingled signaling a customer. An old Italian woman came out from the back and greeted him with a big smile and open arms. “Welcome to Piro’s. I am Nonna Piro, how may I help you?” Alec could hear the thick accent of someone who had been born and raised in Italy.

“Hello, may I have,” His eyes scanned the menu unsure what to get. “Ah…”

“You look like cappuccino man. Nonno will make you cappucino.” She turned to the back and shouted. When she turned around she smiled at the man in front of her who looked mildly startled. “Anything else for you?”

“Um, what would you suggest for a pastry to go with the coffee?”

She thought a moment and then pulled out a biscotti. “Never go wrong with our biscotti. That’ll be $5.25.” Pulling out his cash, he paid and waited for his coffee to be served.  
Not long later, an older gentleman walked out with a steaming cup with what looked like a tree designed in the foam. “Here you go. Delicious!”

“Thank you.” Alec took the cup carefully.

“Need anything, let us know.” The couple smiled as Alec nodded and went to sit down. With the store currently slow, Nonna Piro started cleaning up and sweeping. When she came to be near Alec, she sat down across from him. “You too skinny.” Alec’s eyes shot up wide and a little uncomfortable. “Gorgeous eyes and I suspect beautiful face. Why hide?”

He debated not answering, but after days without really talking to anyone the conversation was welcomed. “It’s easier to get around like this and I don’t have a razor.”

“You traveler?” With a nod she narrowed her eyes and stared. “Why? Your eyes say you don’t want to. You are sad.”

“It’s better this way.”

“No, you should be with the one you are missing.”

“I can’t…”

“Why? Tell Nonna.”

“I just… I’m the one who left and I’m too…” He broke off looking down at his cup still half filled.

“Too what?”

“Broken. I’m a mess I can’t… I can’t go back like this.”

Taking his hand, the old woman patted it comfortingly. “She forgive you. If she love you as much as you love her, she will have you back. No one too broken. You hurting yourself and her more by staying away.”

“He can do better than me. I’m no-”

“No.” She glared at him. “Your love will accept you and it is them who decide if you are worthy or not. Nonno Piro thought I was too good, he wrong. You good, Polpetto.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t even know me.”

“I can tell, only good people worry they not good enough for the one they love.”

“I’ll only cause him trouble. Back when I was living with him… it was a mess. Me being with him made his life more difficult.”

“How so? Did he tell you this?”

“His job got harder and we fought constantly. If we weren’t fighting he was trying to take care of me because even then I was a mess. I barely slept and when I did I’d end up waking him with my nightmares. I’d shut him out. Sometimes I couldn’t stand for him to touch me. I swear Nonna Piro he’s better off without me.”

“Nightmares, are they from these?” She held up the hand she held which also happened to have a faded rune on it. Then she nodded her head towards his neck where part of the deflect rune peaked out from his jacket.

Looking away he replied, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Alright, Nonna can wait. Where are you staying tonight?”

“I don’t know yet.” He could stay in a motel, he had a decent amount of money still from various jobs he’d had since re-entering New England.

“Wait here.” She got up and disappeared through the back. When she returned her husband took over counter duty as a patrons started slowly coming through the door. “Stay with us.”

“What?” Alec sat up and looked at her as if she was crazy.

“You stay with us. We have a room our son stays in when he visits. No trouble.”

Alec felt panic and uncertainty pump through him. “Why? Why are you being so kind to me? You don’t even know me.”

“You are boy that needs help. You are tired. Soul tired. You need safe place to rest. We help you with your boy. We teach you how to woo him back.” She winked at him with a sly grin.

“You’re mad.” The words slipped out before he could stop them.

She chuckled, she was too old to care what young people thought of her. All she knew was this young man was lost and needed her help. “Do you know Italian?”

“Ah, I can understand some. It’s been awhile since I’ve spoken or read it.”

“You learn. How are you with register? Cleaning tables?”

“Okay?” _Awful._

“Good. Go clean up in bathroom, you can keep area clean while we take care of customers.” She patted his hand once more before standing, saying hi to some regulars, and taking her place at the register while her husband went out back to bake. For a moment Alec sat there stunned. Had this old woman really just talked to him, gave him a place to stay, and then told him to clean up so he could help? By the look on her face yes, yes she had. Not wasting another moment, he stood up and did as he was told. He really didn’t feel like having the wrath of an Italian grandmother rain down on him.

Meeting the old Italian lady was how Alec ended up unintentionally settling down in New Jersey. First he stayed at their house for a few days where they gave him too much food, started teaching him how to make a proper Italian meal, and some old clothes their son no longer needed. Since he had nothing else to do and he wanted to return their kindness, he worked for them during the day. Most times Alec was keeping the place clean but on occasion Nonna Piro would trust him with the register. As he fell into a pattern of interacting with people and correctly making the orders, working became easier. Then they let him take the apartment above the bakery since they weren’t using it and currently had no renters.

Every few days, Alec found himself on the train towards New York City where he wandered around trying to figure out what to say to Magnus and by extension his family. He always came up with nothing and ended up going back to the Piro’s disappointed. They would smile at him and tell him he would figure out what to say. During this time he also practiced Italian, for the Piro’s rarely spoke English in their home, and slowly learned how to make real food. After dinner Alec would return to the apartment that had a fully functioning kitchen, bathroom, and a mattress. It wasn’t much but as he sat on his bed staring at the room he picked as his, he felt a little happy. He had a place to call his. Somewhere permanent instead of a smelly abandoned house. He could start working on moving forward. 

A few weeks into his apparently permanent residency in New Jersey, he was walking the shady streets of New York. It was dark, he probably shouldn’t have been out when he came across a fight in front of a nightclub. Without thinking, he jumped in to pull some of the participants apart. With only a glancing blow to his cheek that barely left a bruise, he managed to get one of the guys in a headlock while another man subdued the second fighter. The two fighting still argued, but at least no one would get hurt further.

“Alright you two enough!” A large man dressed in black snapped. “You’re grown ass men start acting like it. Call a cab, sober up, and get over whatever the fuck you’re fighting about.” Then the man looked at Alec and the other restrainee to let the guys go. “We better not see your faces around here for the rest of the night. Now get!”

The two men having been thoroughly scolded for their behavior sulked away while the large man walked over to Alec. “You alright?” His eyes taking in any injury the younger man may have procured.

“I’m fine, this is nothing.” Alec answered gently touching his injured cheek. He’d had worse, it was barely anything to be concerned about.

“You’re pretty good in a fight. You know how to restrain people.” The statement kept Alec quiet unsure where the man was going with his assessment. “You got a job, kid?”

Frowning, “I help out at a bakery.” Since the Piro’s have clothed, fed, and gave me an apartment. It’s the least I could do.

“Want a job here? We’re short on bouncers and unfortunately our club attracts… unruly sorts. We could use a man like you.” 

“You want me to be a bouncer?”

“That’s what I said.”

“What would working for you entail?”

“The usual. You’ll either stand outside, check ID, and keep people out if they’ve been barred for the night or the club in general or you’ll walk around inside to make sure everything is alright. You’ll have to break up fights and throw people out on occasion, but it aint that hard. The club opens at 10 so you’ll be expected to be here around 9. We close at 5 and you’ll be out between 5:30 and 6.”

“How often will I be working?”

The man looked up and thought out a schedule. “About 5 to 6 times a week depending. You’ll start off with $12.50/hour but if you don’t fuck up raises are given. What do ya say?”

Having nothing better in store for him, he nodded. “Sure.”

“Great. Do you have a pair black jeans?”

“Yes.”

“That’ll be your uniform along with a shirt that says SECURITY on it. Be here tomorrow for 8:30 so I can show you what to do. Also, don’t distract the waitresses or bartenders but keep an eye on them. You’re here to protect them as much as the patrons. I’ll remind you tomorrow. I’m Adam Chivez Head of Security here.” He stuck out his hand that easily ate Alec’s.

“Alec Lightwood.”

“Sound like you’re from New York.”

“It’s been a while.”

“See you tomorrow. We’ll fill out the paperwork and settle everything then.” Adam turned and returned inside the club. Alec may not have thought up anything to say to Magnus, but at least he got a job. One that he’d probably be alright at.

Heading back towards the train station, he boarded and waited the half hour for his stop. It was too late to inform the Piro’s that he’d managed to get a job so he’d just have to tell them tomorrow.To his surprise, he actually managed to fall asleep at a decent hour and not wake in a cold sweat.

Not long after waking up, Alec found himself in the bakery like he did almost every morning. Nonna greeted him with a kiss to his cheek and handing him a broom. After doing his morning chores in the store he leaned on the counter. “Nonna?” She looked up from where she was restocking cannolis, cookies, and a few different types of breads. “I found a job.”

“Oh, my Polpetto. Congratulations. What is it?” Her smile was full of pride.

Alec rubbed the back of his neck as he replied, “A bouncer at a nightclub in New York.”

“Very good.”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to do morning clean up everyday, but I’ll come in and help when I get up.”

“Don’t you worry. Come in when you can, just don’t forget about your Nonna and Nonno.”

“I would never.” He looked affronted before giving a small smile.

“That’s my good Polpetto. Now how does the display look?” 

Walking around to look, he nodded. “Looks great.” Spending the rest of the day doing little chores for the store that included wiping down the tables and picking up a few things from the grocery store, Alec didn’t feel any panic until the store closed. Like the usual routine, he followed the old couple to their house where the three had dinner. Once it was time for him to leave for work his anxiety spiked leaving him a little jittery.

Within seconds of entering the club, Adam spotted him. “Alex, glad to see you made it.” He stuck out his hand in greeting. 

“Hello Adam.” He shook the man’s hand before standing in attention; his default stance. 

“Follow me.” As they went deeper into the club Adam explained everything. “Back there is the entrance where people can coat check their belonging. Through these doors is the actual club with seating, the bar, the dance floor, and over to the right is the staircase to the upper levels. That area is for VIPs only so when you’re inside keep an eye on those who aren’t meant to be up there. VIP’s will have flashy wristbands while regular guests get their hand stamped. Always announce when you go up or leave the VIP area. We want someone up there roughly every twenty minutes. The DJ is up front. You don’t really need to worry about them, but still keep an eye on them just in case. There are two bars: one on the left and one of the right. The only time you really have to deal with that area is if there’s a fight or some drunkard decides to try and dance on the bar. That’s a big No. 

“The area may look big, but once peak hours hit be prepared to bump into people. Don’t carry anything valuable on you because sketchy patrons will try to pick your pockets. You’ll have a walkie on you to talk with the other security guards. Keep each other updated from time to time. If you’re inside, that’s all you’ll really have to deal with is your walkie and keeping an eye on the patrons and staff. Door duty you’ll either have a tracker so we don’t go over capacity and a blacklight flashlight to check for fraud IDs or the stamps and wristbands. There’s always two guards on door duty and three walking inside. We do hour shifts so guards aren’t outside for eight hours or inside.

“Through here,” He walked through a coded door with the words EMPLOYEES ONLY on it. “Is where staff is allowed. Back here is the offices for Head of Security. I’ll be back here watching the monitors with one other guard, and the Manager of the club. They’re to the right. Further down the hallway is the bathrooms, lockers for the night’s employees, and the breakroom. Everyone shares this space so you’ll get to know the other staff members. Any questions?”

Alec shook his head. “Not currently.”

“If you do don’t hesitate to ask. The other guys might try to give you a hard time since you’re new but they aren’t bad. We know how important it is to trust each other. Through here and we can have you sign everything, get you a temporary badge, and a shirt.” The pair went into the guard office that could fit the two comfortably but if another person arrived it would be cramped. After going over the rules, regulations, job duties, etc, Alec signed the employment papers, received two shirts, and a walkie with its earpiece attachment. “Go change. You can take locker #4 for the night to put your valuables in. Meet me on the floor in five.” Adam walked away leaving Alec alone to navigate the back hallway. Quickly changing into the short sleeved SECURITY shirt and ditching his belongings in the locker, he found Adam by the left side bar along with five other people dressed in black. “And here’s the new recruit,. Alex, your fellow guards tonight are Jackson, Trish, Lyla, Camdon, and Steve. Everyone this is Alex. The club will open in a half an hour. Jackson, Lyla, and Steve you’re inside with Jackson on deck followed by Steve and then Lyla. Camdon, you’re with me. Trish and Alec you’re outside. Trish show him how to check IDs and the counter. Alec you’re on stamp and wristband duty. After the first hour, you’ll move inside and so on. We’ll let you know when you have a break. Everyone got it? Good, get ready.” Adam turned to do last minute checks of the building and security feed.

The others looked Alec over. Of them all he was on the leaner side, not having muscles bulging like the others. Steve snorted, “At least your scars will show you mean business.”

“Dude.” Jackson hit his friend while Alec became self-conscious. “That was fucking rude.” Glaring at him before turning his attention to Alec he stuck out his hand. “Don’t mind him. If Adam thinks you can handle yourself you probably can. I’m Jackson, welcome to the night life.”

“Thanks.”

“Come on, I’ll show you the ropes before we have to start seeing people.” Trish, who was a good five inches shorter than him, wrapped her hand around his bicep and tugged him towards the exit. “It aint hard, but some fakes are impressive.” She spent most of the time leading up to opening telling Alec the different ways to spot a fake. Once the night began, she barely could talk to him as she checked ID after ID and clicked away on the counter. Alec got into the groove of stamping most people’s hands while having to attach the wristbands to some.

An hour flew by and before he knew it, the ex-Shadowhunter was ushered inside to walk the floor. As Adam had said, the floor was packed with bodies trying to ‘dance.’ On occasion he would see a waitress or waiter weaving through the crowd to serve patrons and then disappear as if they were never there. A few offered him a smile as they passed but no words were ever spoken. 

By two Alec was ready to sit down and pass out. He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten how tiring it was to spend the night on his feet watching for danger. A part of him laughed because this job was basically what he’d been training to do. When he was given the okay to take his first fifteen minute break, he grabbed a bottle of water and dropped onto the well-worn couch. He debated closing his eyes but knew better. His second break didn’t come until four fifteen to which once again he didn’t talk to anyone. After his first shift he was congratulated for surviving the night and a ‘see you tomorrow.’ The half hour train ride home was torture as all he wanted to do was fall asleep. Instead of walking into the bakery to say hello to the owners, he stumbled up the stairs to his apartment and passed out on his bed. He didn’t wake until almost four in the afternoon.

Having a body that remembered long nights and early mornings, Alec adjusted to his new schedule relatively fast. Within a few weeks he was able to do a shift and help Nonna and Nonno Piro with morning prep before sleeping for the day. It was unfortunate because he didn’t see the couple as much as he used to, but they understood. With seeing many of the same people most nights he worked, he started developing a friendship with mainly the waitresses who seemed to gravitate towards him. One especially adored him after he protected her from a guy who didn’t understand the word ‘No.’ By the end of the first month as a bouncer Alec had a group of three waitresses that loved talking to him during down time and he walked them either to the train station or saw them into a cab to make sure they were safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone knows Italian and wouldn't mind translating conversations for me, please message me. It would be greatly appreciated. If not I'll have to use good old Google Translate.
> 
> Also, I could use some positive thought as I look for a car. I really need want and am tired of paying for a rental. Cheers!


	9. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. I think next week I might do two or one next Thursday and one the following Monday because I'm heading back to GA to graduate and won't be bringing my laptop. Either way you won't have to wait a week before a chapter is posted. Stay golden, Angels!
> 
> Positive vibes that I find a car. I really need to find one. Having to pay for a rental is killing me.

One night, one of the waitresses, Petra Kekoa, slid in next to Alec with a plate of shepherd's pie. “Alex, eat. I need you to tell me if you think I can beat my daughter’s rival.”  
The man’s brow furrowed together as he took the offered plate. “I don’t understand.”

She sat back with her arms crossed, “The first grade is doing a potluck to raise money for a trip. _Marcie Petterson_ , thinks she’s God’s gift to the universe. She goes on and on about how amazing her cooking is. The school was having a picnic with the parents and I made my daughter something and Marcie sneered at the lunch I made her. Like who the fuck does that! Now I’m pissed and I’m going to show her that she isn’t as amazing as she think she is.” Alec hummed in understanding as he ate his dinner. “Well?”

“It is good. I suggest some onions for flavoring and you can never go wrong with cheese.” 

“I knew it was missing something! Thanks Alex!” she threw her arms around him nearly spilling the remaining contents on the meal on the floor. “You’re a lifesaver.”

“I don’t know about that-”

“Take the compliment.” She laughed. “Everyone is going to love my Shepherd’s Pie and you literally make sure I make it home safe almost everyday. You are a lifesaver. Now clean your beard that you should get rid of because you’ll win over the ladies that way and let’s head back onto the floor.” Before he could correct her, she already disappeared out the break room’s door. With a sigh, he threw the paper plate away, made sure his beard was clean, and headed out to scour the club for obnoxious people. Petra’s cooking really was quite delicious.

Two weeks later and an earful of how almost everyone at the potluck loved Petra’s dish, Alec was walking towards the club when a young woman of no more than 21 stopped him. With a seductive candy apple red smile and smoldering light brown eyes, the woman’s hand glided down his chest. “Hey stranger.” Her voice was low and enticing. “Looking for some company on this cold spring night?” He looked down at her with his brows tightly knit together. “What do ya say? Won’t cost much and you’ll-”

“I apologize, but no. I have to get to work and…” He trailed off a moment trying to decide if he actually wanted to tell the stranger he was gay. Over the course of his journey he’d gotten mixed feelings upon a person finding out he liked men. It rarely came up, but he’d seen and experienced enough people to know being gay was not always accepted and he had no desire to get told off. “You are not my preference.”

“I can be anyone you want, sweetie. Good girl. Innocent. Bad girl.” He fingers continued to circle on his chest. “Submissive. Domineering. Anything you need.”

With his hand gently wrapping around her’s, he stopped her. “I like men.”

“Oh!” She immediately stepped back as her cheeks lit up not from the cold but embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. Easy mistake.” He shrugged. It wasn’t the first time someone hit on him. He cocked his head at her as his eyes took in her appearance.

“What?” She frowned, rubbing her arms as a gust of chilled wind shot through the alley way.

“Why are you wearing that?”

“I think it’s pretty obvious.” Her once seductive eyes, narrowed in annoyance.

Alec nodded, “I mean aren’t you cold in that outfit?”

“Really? I just tried to hussle you into having sex with me and you’re concerned about what I’m wearing? Who are you?”

“Just a passersby.” He quickly checked his phone before stating. “There are outfits that accentuate your figure without you having to freeze.”

Gaping, the young girl nearly cried, “I’m a prostitute and you’re offering fashion advice? How gay are you?”

This time Alec narrowed his eyes at her. “I don’t particularly care about fashion however I believe in practicality. Also, my sister is comfortable with her body and thus has clothes that are both practical and compliment her. Do you work this alley often?”

“Why?” 

“I have to get to work and I don’t remember where Izzy gets her clothes. Next time I see you I’ll let you know of the company.”

The girl rubbed forehead suddenly unsure of what she’d gotten herself into. “Wait, what? I’m a lady of the night aren’t you going to like report me or something? Not offer me clothing advice?”

“We all do what we need to to survive. The least I can offer is something warm so you don’t freeze. Are you going to be alright?”

“Yes? I’m a big girl I can take care of myself.”

His eyes looked over her. “Do you have anything to protect yourself?”

Rolling her eyes, she replied, “I have pepper spray and a pocket knife. Happy?”

“I suppose. I have to get going. Stay safe and warm.” He tossed her an unopened pack of hand warmers before turning and leaving. The woman stared after the lone figure utterly confused. He walked into work that night lost in thought only interrupted when Petra waved a hand in front of his face with a laugh.

“What’s got you all deep in thought and almost late to clock in.” The waitress tied her hair up as Alec shoved his few belongings into his locker.

“I’m trying to remember where my sister shops for clothes.”

“You have a sister?” Alec nodded while slipping his earpiece in. “I never knew that.”

“I haven’t seen her in over six months.”

“Have a falling out?” She slung an arm around his waist since she couldn’t reach his shoulders.

“It’s complicated. I’ll see you at break?” His parting was made into a question unsure if their breaks would line up.

Petra tilted her head. “Maybe, not sure when my breaks are. Be safe out there!” She called as he headed down the corridor.

“You too.” Alec waved at his friend before entering the club floor. Like most nights the club was relatively quiet in the sense that no one tried to fight someone, no one got too handsey, or tried to dance on a surface they shouldn’t have. By the time Alec was free to leave the sun still had a few minutes before it rose. He scratched the back of his head as he decided what to do. If he was smart he would head back to the bakery like he did every day he worked, however he was in need of shady services. The spell on Ragnor’s necklace was wearing off he could feel it and the vibrant green was fading. It wouldn’t be long before demons and anyone looking for him could find him. Slipping the necklace free, he stared down at it. It was time to delve back into the Shadow World. He had been doing so well too.

Passing the alley he usually cut through and had recently been stopped by a woman of the night, he had a certain destination in mind. Although Alec tried his best to act blind to the world that had forsaken him, he still took notice to its movement. He was trained to observe and although he didn’t plan on returning to it, it was still essential to his survival to keep note. Currently, knowing where to find a shady Warlock was necessary to staying invisible. Alec skulked through the shadows with his hood drawn up only stopping when he came to a boarded up door that looked ready to fall off its hinges. With only slight hesitation, he pounded on the door.

“Yeeeeees?” The door silently opened with a tall Seelie with piercings and dark green tattoos. The way the man leaned on the doorway was casual, but Alec could feel how dangerous this man was.

“I am in need of some services.” He replied honestly.

The Seelie looked at him from head to toe. “No shit. What do you need?”

“Cloaking spell.”

“My, my that’ll cost you.”

“I’ll find a way to pay for it.”

“Right.” He narrowed his eyes. “Drop the hood. I like knowing who I’m dealing with.” Hesitating, Alec lifted his hand to push back his hood. The Seelie hissed the moment the man under the hood was revealed. “Leave! We don’t help your kind.”

Alec was afraid of this reaction. “I’m not-”

“A Shadowhunter? Yeah, I know. Everyone knows. But once a Nephilim, always a Nephilim. Stripped or not.” He spat the words causing the man before him to flinch. “Leave before I send word to your kind that their lost lamb is ready for the slaughter.” Alec opened his mouth to try and reason, but was quickly silenced by a dagger resting on his throat. “Leave or I’ll curse you and send the Nephilim after you. Don’t ever seek out our help again or I’ll be the one to have fun falaying your skin. Understand?”

With hands up in surrender, Alec gave a slight nod. “Understood.” Without another word, the Seelie withdrew his weapon and slammed the door. Running his hands through his long hair, Alec turned and left. There were others in the city he might be able to go to, but many knew and feared Magnus enough to probably inform him of his return. He couldn’t risk the exposure. He’d risked enough even attempting to talk to the ones he had. There was a chance this encounter would find its way to either the Institute or Magnus. Slipping the hood back over his head, Alec started towards the train station.

Although exhausted, by the time he returned to the bakery he knew it would be another few hours before sleep would be possible. Slipping off his coat and hanging it on a hook, the young man greeted the shop owners and then started preparing the floor for customers. When the chairs were set and tables wiped, he headed to the back to help Nonno Piro with any pastries that still needed baking or were about to come out of the ovens. By nine Alec was tired enough to possible fall asleep. With a good day to the owners, he headed upstairs to his apartment and face planted onto the mattress he had recently bought.

To Nonna and Nonno’s pleasure the apartment was beginning to look like someone was living in it. With the help of the club ladies, particularly Petra and her daughter Ionna, Alec now had a small kitchen table with three chairs, a worn yet comfortable loveseat, an armchair, two bookshelves, curtains, and hangers for his closet. The refrigerator was beginning to fill with each time one of the girls came over. The first time it happened, Alec was confused and didn’t know what to do. The moment Petra and Tara saw the state of their friend’s home they grinned and pulled him to the closest thrift store. He let them have their fun while he went and looked at sweaters. There were many more outings that ended in the apartment looking a little more lived in and supper being served. The Piro’s adored Alec’s new friends and were glad to know he was making some.

Alec spent the next few weeks watching his back for Shadowhunters stalking him, Magnus randomly showing up, or his family appearing out of nowhere because of his ill fated attempt at acquiring a spell. To his surprise however, no one bothered him. Work went by as usual. He helped out the Piro’s with the shop. They continued to teach him how to ‘properly’ cook, speak Italian, and how to woo. He did almost get into a fight with the young prostitute’s handler when he stopped by to give her the website Izzy used for her clothes, but luckily both walked away unscathed. The gruff looking man stormed towards them as Alec pulled out a piece of paper and spoke with the young woman Trixi. Since he had been trained from birth to fight demons and Downworlders, Alec was hardly afraid of the man. With a nod towards the girl, he headed to his job glaring at the handler for not taking the weather into account. Currently the weather was behaving cooler than normal even though the temperatures were rising. 

It became a routine after the fated day Trixi tried to seduce him. Almost every day he worked Alec would walk by and say hi if she wasn’t with someone and on the way back he would walk her and the other ladies to either a taxi or the station. At first the club ladies were weary, but over time they became pretty good friends. Talking about clothes, school, books, and anything that came to mind. Then Trixi’s, real name Ash Rook, friend Mila joined the morning walks having been almost assaulted a few times. Upon seeing and hearing how Mila was attacked a few nights earlier, Alec decided it was time to step in. Getting most of the girls to agree to meet him at a local Planet Fitness the following afternoon, he saw them to their locations and on his way home decided what to do.

The following day five women arrived in t-shirts and shorts ready for whatever Alec had for them. Since most of them never really had any self-defense classes before the ex-Shadowhunter began by going over the weakest points on the body, to always be alert, be as difficult as possible for the assailant, and then began showing them five simple moves to fight back before running. With Petra as his volunteer, he gave a slow demonstration before having her do the move back to him. Once she and the other ladies understood what to do, he had them partner up as he walked around correcting and answering questions. He ended the session by bear hugging Petra and walking her through how to slip out. To her surprise it was quite easy to do so since she was an average size woman against a tall man. Squaring off her stance, she dropped into a low squat and squirmed. She quickly slipped out of Alec’s gasp, faked a kick to his knee and bolted to the side. With a nod of approval, he had Mila do the same thing. It took her a little longer but she managed to relax enough to slip away accidentally elbowing him in the cheek in the process. 

“Oh God! I’m so sorry, Alex!” She put her hands out unsure where she should touch or if she should at all.

Rubbing his cheek, he waved it off. “Don’t worry, I’ve had worse than this. If it happens in real life elbow harder and don’t worry about the assailant. Excellent job, Mila.”

Beaming, she swooped in to hug him. “Thank you.” The rest of the women joined in the hug and thank you’s.

“It’s nothing.”

“Nothing?” Petra looked at him with a quirked eyebrow. “You’re teaching us how to defend ourselves. That’s not nothing.”

“Everyone should know.”

“And here you are teaching us. So take the thanks.” She grinned at him as the others nodded.

As the small group of people started packing up, Tara asked, “Alex?” He looked up from zipping his beat up bag. “Are you planning on holding more of these classes?”

“Um.” He straightened up and slung the bag over his shoulder. “I hadn’t thought about it, but I’m sure I can fit it in if you want to.” The five women looked at each other before nodded with grins. Scratching his head, he said, “I’ll look into my schedule, but this time every other week should work.”

“You’re the best!” With a farewell, the women and Alec split to go back home, do errands, or head to work. It was agreed upon that six of them would meet at the same time and same place every other week. 

All was going well in Alec’s life. He went to work, helped out at the bakery, continued to learn how to cook, play, and woo, started to pick up other languages as two of his friends needed help with their foreign language requirements in school, teaching self-defense, and on occasion actually hanging out socially. With a few dropped hints and some of the club ladies not being so subtle, eventually Mila and Ash stepped away from being prostitutes to work at the club. One as a waitress and the other as a bartender. 

One night when all of the ladies were working and walked the floor, he watched as Trish headed up to the VIP section. Usually very little happened upstairs. People partied, drank, danced, and made out (sometimes attempting more). As long as no one was doing anything illegal, the club didn’t really care what went on. However, as Alec scanned the crowd for riff-raff, Trish called over the headset, “I need someone up here. Now!” Quickly answering, Alec darted through the crowd of sweaty bodies and took the stairs two by two. It didn’t take long for him to see what the problem was. Five people were in a fight; three against two. The problem was the five weren’t mundanes but two werewolves, two Seelies, and a Warlock. Knowing how bad the fight could become, he started pulling the Downworlders apart, just enough to get them off each other. The Seelie from before was getting punched repeatedly in the face by a werewolf. Jumping in, Alec pulled the wolf off and settled him in a headlock applying just enough pressure to cause the woman to get drowsy. Managing to de-escalate the fight enough to have the group separated into two, Trish started yelling at the fighters while Alec turned to the Seelie on the ground.

“You alright?” He asked over the music. He offered a hand which was slapped away.

The Seelie glared as he pushed himself up. “I’m fine. Want me to owe you something or something?” His eyes shot to the Warlock to make sure he was alright.

“No.” He turned to Trish and said just loud enough for her. “You escort them, I’ve got these two.” The woman nodded before glaring the three offenders down the stairs and out of the club.

“What now?” The Warlock asked handing the Seelie a napkin for his bloody nose. 

“We wait a moment before I escort you out of the club.”

“We could just disappear you know.”

“You could, but we are being watched and I doubt the Shadowhunters would appreciate you being caught by mundanes. What are the chances those Downworlders are going to be waiting for you?”

The pair looked at each other, “Pretty good. They’re quite pissed at us. I mean they did fight us in front of mundanes.” The snark in the Seelie’s voice almost caused Alec to roll his eyes.

“Wonderful.” Alec muttered. Pressing the ‘talk’ button he informed the others he was taking the other troublemakers out. To the Downworlder’s surprise Alec didn’t take them out the front but rather the back that nearly blended in with the wall. “Don’t come back for the rest of the week.”

As he turned, the Warlock’s hand shot out to rest on his shoulder. “That’s it?”

“Yes?” Alec frowned. “This is our usual protocol unless you’ve been kicked out before. Have you?”

“No. Well, not recently anyways.”

“Then, have a good night.” Alec turned and shut the door behind him. Locking the hidden entrance the young man went back to work reporting everything that happened so his boss could take it down. During his break, he and Trish had to write up an incident report before heading back out. The rest of the evening was quiet with no one else being thrown out.


	10. Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. Due to unforeseen circumstances I have to post the new chapter today instead of Thursday. I hope you don't mind ;) I feel like I say this a lot, but I do adore this chapter. We meet a special someone <3
> 
> Forewarning: There is mention of panic attacks and Alec's mental health not being in the best state. Nothing overly dramatic happens, but he's slipped into a depressed state and wanted to warn everyone.

Unfortunately, the next day found Alec staring at the wall uncaring. His rest had been fitful and almost non-existent. Normally he was up showering, but he had no drive to move or do anything productive. Picking up his phone, he noted the time. He still had a few hours before he even needed to consider getting dressed. Thus he laid in bed until his phone’s alarm went off. With a sigh and with great self-discipline Alec got up and trudged to the bathroom to get ready. Taking longer than usual, the young man tied his boots and pulled on his sweatshirt before heading downstairs to say hello to the Piro’s.

“Polpetto! Where have you been? Are you alright?” Nonna Piero left her station at the counter to check him over.

Kissing both of her cheeks, he replied, “I was feeling… lazy today. I’m okay.”

The Italian looked him over not believing him for moment but knew better than to comment. She’d seen this many times before and knew all she could do was be there for him. “Alright. Would you like anything to eat or coffee to take with you?”

With a tired smiled, Alec nodded. “I’ll take a coffee please. I’m not hungry.”

“Okay.” She patted his hand. “Sit, I get you your drink.” She was gone for no more than five minutes. “Here is your coffee and some lasagna. If you don’t eat it for dinner give it to one of the girls. Be safe, Polpetto.” She kissed his cheek and then gave him a smile.

“Thank you, Nonna.” Setting off for work, his pace was slow. He kept his eyes scanning and ears listening for any strange noises but for the most part the walk was in a partial haze. He sat spacing out on the ride into the city and didn’t find any need to quicken his pace. As he stripped off his sweatshirt, Camden nudged him to hurry up. With his uniform on, earpiece ready, and dinner in the community fridge Alec headed out for the quick meeting before the shift started. The night went by slow and with him quieter than normal. The other security guards and a few of the waitresses looked at each other with a frown knowing Alec was having a low day. The following day ended with him staring at the ceiling having called out sick for the first time since starting his job. It was another two days before he started eating instead of picking and talking again.

July lead to a few intense panic attacks that left him frustrated and exhausted. The apprehension of having another one threw off his sleep scheduling leading him to many sleepless days and overall a bad month. As July faded into August, Alec hoped he would get some sort of reprieve even though he knew it was unlikely.

His saving grace and renewed sense of purpose arrived a quarter of the way through the month. Most of the week had been good. Sleep had come easy, he had a few nightmares that made him lay wide a wake for an hour or so, and no panic attacks were in sight. The ladies had decided to have a ‘girl’s night’ at his apartment where they hung out, ate, drank, and watched _10 Things I Hate About You_. It had been a nice night where he was able to relax and be entertained by a modernization of Taming of the Shrew.

After a quiet night of roaming the club floor, checking IDs, and handing out wristbands, Alec did his nightly routine of making sure his friends were safe before boarding the train home. He was passing the church he always did when leaving the station in New Jersey when he heard a sharp cry. Looking around he found a small bundle on the steps of the sleeping church. Walking through the hallowed ground he cautiously ascended the steps to where the quieted whining came from. With eyes scanning the area for anyone in the vicinity, Alec knelt down to unwrap part of the basket’s yellow blanket. To his surprise a baby of navy blue looked up at him with tears streaking its cheeks. “It’s okay.” He whispered, stroking the child’s wet cheek as he picked up the note with him.

**How could anyone love such a monster?**

Alec glared at the note before crinkling it in his hand. _How could someone not love the child?_ The baby had quieted the longer Alec gave it attention. “Hey.” He spoke soothingly to the baby as he carefully picked it up. The baby pouted as it reached out for the man in front of it. “What am I going to do with you? I can’t leave you here, the mundanes wouldn’t know what to do with you.” Cradling the baby to his chest as he did when Max was an infant, Alec picked up the few belongings the child was left with and headed home. Bypassing the bakery, he went straight upstairs to figure out what to do.

Laying everything out on the small kitchen table he had enough formula for three meals, a dozen diapers, one onesie, and a blanket. Seeing that the baby was getting weepy again, Alec checked for a dirty diaper and found it to be clean. Assuming it was hungry, he went through the process of making formula. With the baby cradled in his left arms, the man scratched his head trying to recall how to make a bottle. He remembered making them when Max had been born but that was over ten years ago. Vaguely remembering something about warming up the liquid in hot water to prevent it from getting too hot he managed to make the baby something to eat. 

Sitting on the couch with his feet on the shabby coffee table, the baby ate happily while Alec thought out what to do. The child was clearly a Warlock. If Alec was smart he would go immediately to Magnus. The child would be safe with him and would be given to a Warlock that would care for him but something was stopping him. He couldn’t put his finger on it, all he knew was it would break his heart if he went to the man. The baby’s coo made him look down at the smiling child. Smiling down at it, he picked it up and patted the back waiting for it to burp. When it did, Alec instantly regretted it. He forgot that baby burps usually meant spit up. Pulling the baby away he sighed while shaking his head. The child was tiny and yawned.

Placing the baby in the basket and sitting it on the coffee table, he went to change his sweater. Two days passed with him calling out one day of work and somehow managing to avoid the Piro’s who knew nothing about the Shadow World. With a great amount of sadness, Alec accepted that he was in over his head. Swaddling the baby boy and packing up his few belongings, Alec headed into the city. Upon arrival he went to the one place that had kicked him out and threatened to kill him should he return. Knocking on the door, the Seelie from before opened up with a snarl. “I thought I told you-”

“I know, but…” He sighed before revealing what he had with him. “It’s not for me. I found a Warlock child and thought… Maybe you and your connections could get him to Magnus or someone who would take care of him.”

With raised brows, the fairy leaned forward to look at the sleeping bundle. “Definitely a Warlock. Where’d you find it?”

“He was dropped off at the steps of a church that I pass by two days ago.”

“You’ve had him two days?” Alec didn’t answer instead shrugged. The Seelie looked him over before turning. “Follow me. Don’t stray or I’ll kill you… or someone else will kill you.” Alec did as he was told until he came to what would probably be the living room but was turned into a meeting hall. “Marcielo, Cassius, Alastair!” He called leaning on the large sturdy table in the middle of the room.

“What do you wa- who the fuck is this?” A white blonde man with four spikes going bilaterally down his head and silver eyes walked in.

“This is the disgraced Shadowhunter and…” He paused for dramatic appeal only to annoy the three Downworlders. “He brought a Warlock baby. Cute little bugger.” Suddenly growing interest, the three men walked over to take a peak. 

“Aw, look at how blue he is. Way cuter than you, Alastair.” The man with curly auburn hair and a long thin tail grinned.

“Fuck off, Cass.” Alastair, the white blonde man, snapped.

“Language! Not in front of Little Blue.” He snickered at his friend, the third man was staring down at the child as if reading its past, present, and future.

“What is his name?” The intense man asked.

Looking up into dark green eyes, Alec replied, “I’ve ah… been calling him Max, but he didn’t come with a name.”

“Max?”

“After my brother.”

“Ah… Why did you bring him here?”

Alec looked down at the baby that slept soundly on his chest. “I don’t… I don’t think i’m the best fit for him. I mean… I’m not part of the Shadow World and he deserves to be raised as a Warlock. I can’t… I can’t go see… See the High Warlock.”

Marcielo stared at the dark haired man that stared at the child brokenhearted. “Your lover still searches for you. Everyone knows it.”

“I figured… I just… I can’t.”

“Suit yourself. May I?” He held his hands out.

With some hesitation, Alec relinquished the child into the Warlock’s arms. “Thank you.”

“We may be on the criminal side of the law, but we do care what happens to the young of our kind.”

“I wouldn’t have brought him if I thought you’d hurt him.”

“And now that you’ve dropped him off,” The Seelie placed a hand on Alec’s back. “Time for you to go. I’d say it’s been a pleasure but it really hasn’t. We’ll take care of the baby and we never have to see each other again. Cheers mate.”

“Thank you.” Alec stared at the baby for a second longer before turning away. He allowed himself to be lead away and kicked out of the dilapidated building. Feeling more hollow since he was first stripped of his runes, Alec ended up back in his apartment not remembering how he got there. He wound up on his couch with his head in his hands trying to breathe through the loss of yet another person in his life. Although he had only had the Warlock child for two days he had unintentionally grown attached to him. Alec knew he wasn’t able to keep him. The child deserved to be among his own and with a Warlock mark as evident as his, there was no way the two could pass off as father and son. There was also the fact that Alec was gay and up until now had never been in a relationship since settling down in New Jersey and most of his friends knew it. Trying to explain how he came to have the baby would be a mess and he didn’t have the right connection to make it possible. Giving the baby up was for the better.

Needing a distraction, Alec pushed himself off the couch and headed downstairs to makeup for all the time he hadn’t spent with the elderly couple that were like his grandparents. They gave him a disapproving look at his absence, but upon seeing his withdrawn look they patted his cheek and put him to work. After sweeping and making the floor presentable, Nonno had him sit at the piano and practice. The start was rough, but soon the melody flowed steadily. With only a few minor hiccups due to still being a novice, the couple nodded approvingly at his improving skill.

By the time hunger for dinner started to creep up on him, Alec finished his song and then bid the two farewell. He was only in his apartment for maybe five minutes when his door blew open. With a knife gripped defensively Alec spun ready to throw it at the intruder. To his surprise, the Seelie from before, Marcielo, and a female werewolf burst into the loft. “Take the child. He won’t stop crying!” Seelie cried while Marcielo thrusted the baby at Alec. The werewolf was covering her ears as bright green eyes glowed threateningly.

Blinking, Alec easily took the shrieking boy that only stopped when Alec cradled him to his chest. The baby sniffled and rubbed his face into the soft worn material of Alec’s sweater. “What’s wrong?”

“We don’t know.” The Seelie groaned while Marcielo elbowed him.

“Apparently we do.” Looking between Alec and the baby, he continued, “He’s grown attached to you and did not appreciate being separated.”

“I think instead of part demon, he’s part banshee.” The werewolf glared. “I swear my ears are bleeding.”

Rolling his eyes, Marcielo commented, “Hardly. He’s a baby of course he’s going to cry. However, this means one thing.”

“What?” Alec, the Seelie, and Werewolf asked.

“Ex-shadowhunter here is now a father of a bouncy, shrieking baby boy. Congratulations.”

“But-”

“No buts, he’s grown attached to you. He won’t be happy with anyone else and he’s already been abandoned once don’t do that to him again. You aren’t, are you?” Alec watched as the Warlock’s hand burned with a purple black fire.

“I only gave him up because I didn’t think I would be a best fit. I mean, I’m not part of the Shadow World anymore.” Alec replied honestly.

“Welcome back. Know that we will be watching you very closely.” Marcielo threatened while the Seelie grinned and the Werewolf cracked her knuckles.

“I figured. What do we do now?” He shifted the now sleeping Warlock while rubbing his back.

“Don’t you worry, we got you taken care of.” The Seelie pulled out a stack of papers from his satchel. Turning, the small group went to sit on the couch and chairs. “After we go over all this, we need to talk about your furniture.”

This time it was Alec’s turn to glare. “I arrived here with maybe $2,000 to my name. Be happy I have chairs.”

“Wow, the Clave really are dicks.” The Werewolf whacked him upside the head. “Ow, what the hell!”

“Stop bonding and let’s get this shit over with. I’ve got places to be.”

“Accalia, if you had better things to do you didn’t have to come.” Marcielo commented.

“Whatever, let’s get this over with. I don’t like Nephilim.” She crossed her arms and leaned back with her feet kicked up.

With a sigh, Marcielo took the papers from the Seelie. “These are the adoption papers. We need the child’s full name.” He looked up and waited pen poised to write down what Alec answered.

Pausing only a moment he answered, “Max Jace Lightwood. J-A-C-E.”

“Alright.”

“Doesn’t flow.” The Seelie commented as he spun his knife.

“Quiet Jafa. Your full name.”

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Do you need me to spell any of that?”

“No, but you can look it over before we ‘legalize’ it. Date of birth for Max.”

“I don’t really know. I mean-”

“He’s about a month or so old. Pick a date in July and you’ll be fine.”

“Um, July 1st.”

“Okay. We’ll make up the biological parents.” Going through the papers and writing down everything necessary, he passed the papers to Alec. “Read through, make sure everything is spelled correctly.” Ten minutes later the new father nodded. “Great. We’ll ‘legalize’ this, make his birth certificate, Social Security Number, and any other legal shit needed for you to have adopted this kid. We should have it by tomorrow evening at the latest.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome I guess. We don’t want to but he’s chosen you so not much we can do. Any questions?”

“He’s like any other infant, right?”

“Aside from being blue and eventually developing powers, yes he’s just like any other baby.”

Alec nodded relaxing at the confirmation. He helped take care of his brother he knew for the most part how to care for an infant. “I don’t care that he’s blue but I exist in the mundane world. My landlords are very much a part of my life and I have mundane friends. How should I explain Max being blue?”

“Stop seeing them?” Jafa offered receiving a glare from Alec.

“Stop trying to start a fight.” The Warlock was really starting to get annoyed with the Fair Folk. “I have this Amber necklace you can put on him when he goes out in public.” He produced a small beaded necklace with a lobster claw fastener. “When wearing it he’ll have pale skin, blue eyes, and I don’t know what color hair because he currently doesn’t have any.”

“What should I tell everyone? Most know I’m gay and many probably wouldn’t approve of me finding a child and not giving him over to authorities or something.”

“Up to you. We can manipulate those close to you to believe whatever you want to tell them. Nothing too extravagant please.”

Nodding Alec looked forward as he thought about what having a child now meant. Currently his biggest concern was what he would do with Max while he worked. “I guess my last concern right now is what to do with him while I work. I don’t tonight, but tomorrow and for the next four days I am. Nonna and Nonno might watch him, but if he’s crying from being separated from me, leaving him with them won’t do any good. I doubt the club will let me keep him with me.”

“Do you think you won’t be able to properly take care of him?” The eyebrow the Warlock raised made Alec feel stupid as if he was intentionally being thick.

“I’ll think of something.”

“Good answer. We might be able to help, but it will depend on work.”

“Okay. Well, thank you. For everything.”

“Again. Not for you. Jafa will be staying with you tonight. Accalia with me.” Marcielo stood up with the papers put away. “Good-bye Alexander. Take care of Max.”

“Thank you and it’s Alec please.” With a shrug the Warlock left with the Werewolf right behind him. 

Stretching out on the chair he was sitting in, Jafa looked like a waiting crocodile. “Just you and me now, Nephilim.”

“Joy.” Alec stood, careful not to jostle the baby too much as he walked to the kitchen. Finding some leftover Italian meatballs and sub-rolls, he made himself dinner. The apartment was quiet for an hour and then Jafa ended up upside down in his chair complaining of boredom. “Pick a book and read. Pick a movie and watch it. I don’t care.” Alec was currently in the process of feeding Max his evening bottle.

“But all you have is chick flicks and large books. You don’t even have WIFI. Boring.”

“Well, I only have movies because of my female friends and you might enjoy _The Hobbit_. It has adventure, a dragon, and fighting.”

“Now that sounds interesting.”

“Apparently Tolkien wrote it as a bedtime story for his children. If you like it, there is also the _The Lord of the Rings_ and the Silmarillion although I have yet to read the latter.”  
“I guess I’ll try it, but if I don’t like them I’m back to bothering you.” Alec looked up from _Paradise Lost_ with an annoyed look. The man didn’t say anything as he shifted on the couch with Max nestled on his chest suckling the last of his formula. By the time Alec was ready to try and sleep, Jafa finally admitted, “Alright, this Tolkien guy knows how to keep the audience captivated.”

“I’m glad you have something to entertain you. I’m going to try and get some sleep. You can have the couch. If you need anything… Don’t wake me.” Picking up the baby basket off the kitchen table, Alec walked into his room and shut the door. Checking Max’s diaper and then changing him into his pajamas he placed the sleeping baby into his basket. Making sure he was all snuggled in, Alec did his nightly routine before flopping onto his bed. Roughly two hours later Alec woke to Max crying. He vaguely remembered how tired his parents had been when his brother was first born. He finally understood why. Sitting up fully, he looked over to see the tiny body trying to push the blankets off him. “Alright Maxie, what’s wrong?” Picking the Warlock child up he did the diaper check to find it still clean. “You hungry, buddy?” With a yawn he walked out of his room gently bouncing the upset child.

“Will you hit the snooze button?” Jafa slurred from where he sprawled on the couch.

“He’s a baby, not an alarm clock.” Was all he replied as he warmed the bottle. By the time Max’s tummy was full and diaper changed Alec knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. Laying in bed with Max on chest, he stroked the baby’s back while staring at the ceiling. For once his mind wasn’t buzzing with regret or memories. The quiet was soothing. Even though he got up two more times before morning arrived, he felt more rested than he had in weeks.


	11. Me and Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised new chapter today! Next week should resume the regular update schedule unless something comes up ^_^

After making breakfast for not only himself and Max but also Jaffa, Alec decided it was time to talk to his landlords. Changing into something presentable, he bit his thumb nail as he went through a mental list of what he needed. Jafa stared at him enjoying how much the ex-Shadowhunter was starting to freak out. “What’s got you so anxious? I mean come on you used to fight demons. You fought against Valentine and those Edom demons. You made out with the High Warlock of Brooklyn at your own wedding. Whatever you’re about to do can’t be as scary as coming out as gay to the Clave. They’re assholes.”

“When do you get switched out for another?” Without looking at the Seelie, he opened the door and headed down to the bakery. He heard laughter follow him as he stepped out of the side of the building and headed towards the front. Looking in through the large windows, Alec saw Nonna cleaning up since there weren’t many people inside. Taking a breath he headed in.

Looking up, Nonna Piero smiled at seeing Alec. “Polpetto! I was wondering if we would see you today.” She paused when she realized he was holding something. “What is this?”

“Hi, Nonna.” He bent down and kissed her cheeks as he always did when greeting her. “I ah, wanted you to meet someone.”

Seeing the Seelie behind Alec her white eyebrow went up. “Is that the man you wooing?” Alec could see the judgement in her eyes.

With a look of disgust he quickly replied, “No.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!” Jafa cried offended.

“No, he’s… He’s Jafa.” Turning back to the reason he came down to the shop he took a deep breath. “I wanted… I wanted you to meet Max.” He turned his body a little to reveal a sleeping one month old. 

Cooing, Nonna started stroking the baby’s soft cheek. “He is beautiful. When did this happen? May I?” Her dark eyes sparkled as she looked up at Alec.

“Sure.” Carefully he handed over Max to the woman who cradled him like an expert. “And to answer your first question,” He rubbed the back of his neck as he thought about lying, but after everything he knew he couldn’t. “I found him on the steps of Our Lady of Sorrows. Someone had left him there in a basket… I couldn’t leave him there so I took him in. That’s why I’ve been kind of MIA for the past few days.”

“What about yesterday?”

“I,” He looked down as Max slowly woke up a little confused as to who was holding. Upon hearing Alec’s voice he calmed enough to take Nonna’s finger and make gurgling noises. “I thought it would be best for him to be with… someone more experienced but apparently Max didn’t think so.”

“Max?” Nonna was looking down into deep blue eyes and smiling.

“After my younger brother.”

“Good name. Strong name. Hello, my little Max.” Finally looking back up she narrowed her eyes. “Do you have any of his paper?” 

“Um…”

“I help, I can get you papers. Make him yours. Government won’t trust you if you aren’t kin.”

“Don’t worry, Ms. Piro.” Jafa stepped in with a smile. “We’ve got that covered.”

Narrowing her eyes in a more threatening manner, Jafa suddenly straightened up quite intimidated by the short woman. “Who are you? Why do you care?”

“I am… someone who thinks Alex here will be a great dad to little Matt.”

“Max.” Alec corrected.

“Max.” Nonna shook her head at the Seelie. “Within the day he will, in the eyes of the government, be the adopted son of Mr. Alex Lightwood. Everything is going to be fine.”  
Looking over at Alec, the grandmother looked at him in disbelief of what Jafa was saying. “You trust him?”

With a shrug, Alec nodded. “Yes.”

“Okay. Polpetto, go get Nonno he will want to meet your little Max.” Kissing the top of her head because of how easily she accepted the child as his, Alec headed out towards the back. As soon as he was out of earshot, the woman pointed a manicured nail at the Downworlder. “You listen. If you threaten my little Polpetto or his son, if anything about this adoption is sideways, if anything about your relationship with Alec is not kosher you will not live to see another day. Understand?” The Seelie’s eyes widened. “I don’t care who you are, you will not be safe. Capiche? Nonno and I will find you no matter where you try to disappear to. Va bene?”

“Yes?” He squeaked. How the hell was a 95 pound elderly mundane striking the fear of God in him?

“No question. Capiche?”

“Yes.”

“Good. If anything is wrong with Max’s paper, I will get new ones and you will not be allowed near Alexander or Max. You been warned.” She patted the man’s cheek who was still dazed by her threat. When she heard Alec and her husband leaving the back, she turned and started towards them. “Nonno! Look at our Passerotto.”

Nonno gasped as he saw the tiny being. “Ballissimo! He is beautiful.”

As the two owners gave Max their full attention Alec walked over to the pale faced Fairy. “How the hell is a mundane that terrifying? She’s an old frail woman! I could look at her and she’d break a hip!”

“She’s an Italian grandmother. They tend to be the scariest.”

“You don’t have to enjoy my fear this much you asshole.”

“I don’t have to,” Alec grinned. “But I am. Not everyday a Downworlder fears a mundane. Better get used to her Jaffa,” he patted the man on the shoulder. “She’s Max’s great grandmother.” He walked away as the Jafa groaned.

“He is wonderful child, Polpetto.” Nonno took Alec’s face in both his hands and kissed his cheeks. For most of the afternoon Alec, Max, and Jaffa hung around the store so the owners could spend time with their new great grandson. Around supper, Alec said farewell and headed back upstairs to make food, feed Max, and relax for a bit before going to work. 

With barely a knock at the door, Marcielo and Cassius walked in as if it were their house instead of someone else’s. “Smells good.” Cassius commented as his head lifted a little to smell the air.

“We have the official papers for Max.” Marcielo said dropping down into one of two empty kitchen chairs. Taking out a folder, he opened it so he could show Alec. “Your adoption packet, his birth certificate, social security card, and other important documents that make you his adopted father and him a citizen of the great U.S.A..”  
“Those better be legit because there is one crazy Italian lady downstairs that has already threatened me. I’m pretty sure she has connections to the Italian Mafia.” Jaffa shook at the memory. “She is one scary lady.”

“Noted. They will hold up in any court and Max exists in the system.”

“Thank you.” Alec took the papers and put them off to the side for when he wasn’t eating. “There’s extra food if you want any.”

“No, thank you. We have to get going.” Marcielo stood signaling for the other two Downworlders to follow. “We will be sending another one of ours to watch you at work. Make sure no one goes after the baby or you. Which reminds me,” He put his hand out. “I’m going to need your necklace for the night.”

“Why?” It was the only thing keeping him off of everything's radar.

“You wanted us to re-cloak it. Well you finally get what you want. You’ll have a guard with you at all times until I can return this. You’ll get it within the next two days.” Marcielo held out his hand impatiently.

Taking it off he let it slowly side into the other man’s hand. He suddenly felt very naked without it. “Please take care of it. It technically isn’t mine.” A shot of guilt zinged through his body and straight into his soul.

“I’ll do my best.” Then he turned and without another word left with Cassius and Jafa trailing behind him.

Getting ready for the night, Alec did everything he could think of to prepare himself for going to work with his new son. Every so often he paused trying to get used to the idea that he was now a single father. He tried his best not to panic at the thought. He was barely able to take care of himself the past nine, ten months how was he supposed to take care of another person? Not just another person, but a defenseless infant that only knew how to go to the bathroom, eat, sleep, and wail. He could feel himself begin to panic.

Taking a breath, he looked down at Max with his necklace in firmly in place. “Alright Maxie, time to go and meet my coworkers. Hopefully you charm them with your cuteness.” Maxie gurgled and then yawned. “Yeah.” He headed out and started his journey to the club. Once outside he rubbed the back of his head knowing his boss was not going to be happy. “Alright Maxie, time to woo my boss.” Making a b-line for the security office. Knocking on the door, Alec poked his head in, “Adam, can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Hey Alex.” The older man greeted. “Come on in, you’re a bit early for your shift. Everything alright?”

“Yes?” He stepped in making it apparent he wasn’t alone. “So I know I’ve called out and been acting a little off. It’s ah… I recently became the guardian of Max.”

Adam stared at the bundle in his employees arms. Max’s large eye stared at him reminding the large man of a baby owl. “You have a baby now.”

“Yes. Literally a very recent development as in I came home from work a few days ago and found out.”

“What do you plan on doing?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I want to keep working here, but with Max suddenly becoming mine I don’t really have babysitters right now and he starts wailing if he’s not in the same place as me. If he doesn’t cause trouble would he be able to come until I figure out what to do?”

Adam looked at him sympathetically. “Do you want to take a few more days off to figure everything out?”

“I would but I need the money.” Alec hated admitting it, but by now he was kind of used to it.

“Mind if I see him?” Seeing no real reason not to, Alec passed his son to his boss. Once he had him he raised him up to eye level. “Okay little man, you going to cry if your dad leaves you here for a few hours?” Maxie stared at him fascinated by his moving lips. “That’s what I thought.” With years of practice, Adam held Maxie as he addressed Alec. “Here’s what we’ll do. He can stay in the booth tonight and when on break you can take care of him. If he gets too fussy he won’t be able to come back, but if he basically sleeps you can bring him until you find a sitter. You’ve got this week and next to find one. We aren’t a babysitting service.”

“Thank you, Adam. This means a lot.”

“You’re a hard worker and I don’t want to lose you. If you don’t mind me asking what happened to this little guy’s parents?”

Looking down he thought of a somewhat believable lie that he could remember easily. “Friends from before I moved here passed. They didn’t have family you know? I guess they thought I’d be the best fit if something happened to them.”

“Sorry for your loss.”

Alec was quiet, feeling bad that he wasn’t only lying to his boss but having to pretend that some friends he didn’t have died. “Thanks.”

“Go get ready, we can inform the shift at quarter of.” He bounced the baby and talked to it softly. “Do you have any toys for him to play with or a pacifier?”

“I have a pacifier.” He pulled out a blanket and the pacifier to hand to Adam. “Thank you everything Adam.”

“Don’t worry about it. We take care of our own here. Now get ready.” Alec left the man talking in a baby voice that he would have never associated with the burly security guard. He changed relatively quickly and met the usual crew by the bar. With a loud voice, Adam called everyone together. “Alright I need everyone to gather around. Bartenders and Waiters alike please.” The small crowd gathered staring curiously at the man holding a baby. “Thank you. I know you’re all wondering why there’s a baby at the club. Alex here has just gained custody of the little guy and needs some help. Due to the suddenness Max will be spending probably the next few nights with us. We aint a babysitting service so don’t get any ideas, but this is a special case. We’ve talked and until he finds a sitter that can watch Max while he’s at work, Max will be hanging in the Security office. That’s all about the baby. Alec will be in office with me for the first half of the night. Camden and Trish will be outside with Trish on ID check. Jackson, Mal, and Steve inside with Mal on deck. Let’s get to work guys.”

As Adam turned to head into the back Trish, Camden, Mal, Jackson, and Steve crowded around Alec to offer congratulations and condolences. They didn’t have time to say much else, but they patted him on the back and then left for their stations. Petra, Ash, and Tara came up to him next to offer condolences while also being excited for him. “He’s so cute! Can we come and visit during break?”

“Don’t distract us and I’m sure Adam won’t mind.” He offered a small smile. “And during my breaks I’ll be in the break room.”

“Excellent, I’m going to try and match your breaks.” Petra grinned. “He is so little. How old is he?”

“A little over a month.”

“I remember when Ionna was that age. She cried every two hours to be fed.”

“He’s averaging two and a half.”

“Aren’t you lucky. If you need anything, let us know.” She gave him a smile before heading off to get ready for the night’s crowd. With a few more words to the other waitresses he left back to the office. 

“He’s all yours.” Adam passed Maxie who was beginning to fuss. The rest of the night Alec spent huddled in the office making sure everything was going smoothly. Maxie alternated between eating, sleeping, and fussing about. Most of the time Alec sat in the chair bouncing or holding his son, but every so often he would pace the room to quiet the upset baby. During his breaks there was at least one waitress waiting to see Maxie. It was a calming feeling knowing that everyone was responding positively to having the baby at the club. By the end of the shift Maxie had fallen asleep belly full and diaper changed. With him cradled against his shoulder, Alec was going through his locker when he felt a presence next to him. Since Steve wasn’t reacting to the person standing next to him Alec continued to ignore the person until he knew he wouldn’t look crazy. Waving goodbye to his coworker he quietly greeted, “Hello.”

“Finally acknowledging me?” A low female voice asked. The ex-hunter could hear the amusement in her voice.

Finally looking over, Alec replied, “I don’t need to look crazy in front of my coworkers and I’m assuming you’re glamoured.”

“Aint you smart.”

“As smart as any other Shadowhunter.” She hummed but gave no other response. “Are you coming back to the apartment with me?”

“I am your watcher this evening.”

Alec nodded as he quietly shut his locker. “I walk the waitresses to either a taxi or the station.”

“Aren’t you a saint.” The man only snorted before heading out to the front of the club.

The three waitresses turned with a smile. “Can I carry him?” Mila asked. “I’m heading to Ash’s place so I’m taking the train today.”

“Have you held a baby before?” Alec asked in the same weary tone he used when asking Izzy if she cooked a meal.

With a pout the young girl answered, “Yes. I babysit my cousin sometimes.” Carefully transferring Maxie into her arms, he made a small upset noise before falling back to sleep. Mila’s face lit up as the small group started towards the station.

“You sure you trust her?” The Downworlder asked right behind Alec.

Trailing a little behind so the mundanes wouldn’t hear him, he said, “I wouldn’t have given him to her if I didn’t. I’m Alec by the way.”

“I’m aware.” She looped her arm through his. He felt the cool of her skin and how there was no beating against his arm as she pressed her body against his. “Jafa has told me all about you. Did the mundane woman that you rent from really threaten him?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t there if Nonna threatened him.”

“Did you say something?” Tara asked looking over her shoulder. 

“Muttering to myself what I need to get done before going to bed.” He replied easily doing his best not to react to the woman hanging off his right arm.

The women laughed as Tara shook her head. “You work too hard! When do you have any fun?”

“When you ladies make me.”

“Oh yes, we twist your arm when we have girls night.” Petra barked. “What a rough life! People actually want to hang out with you.”

“Oh so tough.” Alec deadpanned.

“You have ladies nights?” The Downworlder asked. “I wana come! There are only two of us and the other is a werewolf.”

“By the way Ionna wants to come by and say hi to her favorite person of all time.” 

“I’ve only met her once, how am I her favorite person?”

With a shrug, Petra smiled, “You have that effect on people? You’re willing to listen to her talk nonstop about princesses and school? You willingly wore her tiara and had pretend tea with her? Take your pick.”

“You had pretend tea with a little girl!” The Downworlder cackled. “Oh my God, you are wonderful!”

Ignoring the person next to him, Alec scratched behind his ear. “It was nothing.”

“To you maybe, but a six year old? Wait til little Maxie here is talking your ear off then come talk to me. You can only listen to Moana so many times before you want to hit your head against the wall.”

“She’s not wrong.” Tara pointed to emphasise her point. “My sons love Cars and my daughter is obsessed with Jurassic park. I like Jurassic Park and Cars is pretty good but having to watch them every day…” She shook her head. “Watch everything you like while you can because soon only the children’s shows and movies will be all you watch.”

“Truth.” Petra nodded.

“I don’t watch much TV.” Alec replied.

“Good on you then. Can’t miss what you don’t really use.”

Still giggling on his arm the woman said, “She’s not wrong although I don’t see why you don’t watch more TV. You do have one and shows are entertaining. I’m more of a movie girl though.” When Alec didn’t answer he she whined, “Talk to me. One sided conversations are boring. It’s like trying to carry on an interesting conversation with Marcielo. _Boring._ ”

Through the side of his mouth, Alec replied, “You sound like Jafa.”

Jumping up and down, he squealed, “You talked to me! And I’m offended. I’m way cooler than that loser. Aren’t I?”

“No comment.” The woman next to him cackled again. Not long after the small group arrived at the station. Mila passed Maxie back to his father boarding a different train than Alec and Tara. With a farewell to his friends and knowing they were safe, Alec hopped on his train towards home. Two stops later and he said good-night to Tara. 

“Now that your mundane friends are gone can I hold Maxie?” The woman who had been glamoured asked with excitement in her voice.

“Are you visible to humans?” Alec didn’t open his eyes as his hand rubbed up and down his son’s spine.

With a sigh she replied, “Yes.”

“What’s your name?”

“What?”

“I don’t know your name. I’m not letting him be held or looked after by someone I don’t know their name.”

“Aw papa instincts are kicking in. The name’s Sylvanas Darcy, Vampire originally from Connecticut and now living in New York. Can I hold him now?”

Shifting Alec passed Maxie to the Vampire who’s eyes brightened as the baby’s looked up at her. She cooed over him and made goofy faces. While she played with him, Alec leaned his head back with eyes closed but ears listening closely to what was happening around him. By the time the train stopped at their station, Maxie was once again asleep. Sylvanus carried him all the way to the shop where Alec took him to say Hi to Nonna and Nonno. After spoiling him with love and talking excitingly in Italian, Alec finally headed upstairs. After feeding Maxie, grabbing something light to eat himself, waiting a half an hour or so to change a diaper, and change both himself and Maxie into bed clothes, Alec finally passed out on his bed.


	12. Coming Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back on schedule. Aside from my last weekend module next month, hereon I should be posting on Fridays. The last two weeks have been crazy and I appreciate your patience. I hope you enjoy this chapter. When I was first writing the last half of it I didn't know how I wanted it to go. I actually wrote out an entirely different scenario, but ended up deleting it and thus this one was born. See you next week, Angels!
> 
> PS I hope to post another shorter fanfic in a couple of weeks. Just want to finish it first before I post it so keep a look out for it. The premise is Alec gets kidnapped and everyone forgets about him. I'm heartless, I know.

By the middle of the week, the Downworlders that had deemed themselves Maxie’s guardians arranged their schedule enough to be able to have one or two of them on babysitting duty while Alec worked. On nights one of them couldn't do it, Nonna and Nonno agreed to watch after him. It took a few times, but eventually Maxie realized enough that Alec wasn’t disappearing and always returned by the time the sun rose.

The second Saturday of Alec becoming a father he found himself doing a routine outing to pick up a few ingredients for the bakery. By now the father/son pair was well known enough that the woman at the market greeted them with a smile for both. After wishing him a good day, the pair walked back for an afternoon of helping the Piro’s and practicing the piano. This plan was derailed however when the two Lightwood’s entered the Bakery to shouts of “Welcome back!” Alec stumbled back a little startled at seeing Tara, Petra, her husband Alike, Ionna, Mila, Ash, and Celia from the club. Then there was also Jafa, Cassius, Sylvanus, Accalia, Ezra and Damien twin werewolves, Lyle and Clen the other two Seelies, and Solomon a vampire. The Bakery was closed for the afternoon for the surprise baby shower the Piro’s was putting on.

“What’s this?” Alec asked as he was mobbed by the guests.

Nonna laughed, “Baby Shower of course! You and Passerotto deserve it. Come in. Party time.” Escorting the two in, the party began with everyone wanting to see the baby. Eventually Maxie was passed around for everyone to see while Ionna vied for Alec’s attention. After recovering from the initial shock, Alec was a little worried at having his two worlds collide. He wasn’t sure how the Downworlders would do with his few but very important Mundane friends. To his relief, however, there were no problems and they were interacting well. 

“Alright everyone!” Nonna clapped her hands. “Sit. Time for presents.”

“Nonna, we don’t-” Alec tried but the woman hushed him.

“No, no. Sit.” Obeying his adopted grandmother, he sat with Maxie in his lap. Leaning down she whispered, “Do you want to open them and I can hold Passerotto or do you want me to?”

Never comfortable being the center of attention for anything other than having to lead the Institute, Alec answered, “You can open.”

“Okay, my Polpetto.” She patted his cheek affectionately. “Mia amata.” Nonno looked at his wife waiting. “Hand me the first present.” The first was onesies for different ages for both nighttime and during the day. Then there was the satchel diaper bag, bottles, bibs, diapers, wipes, toys, two wrap baby carriers, and other necessities to having a baby. The club ladies and the Piro’s went in together for an oval crib that grew with Maxie while the Downworlders banded together for a changing table and a playpen. 

“Oh one more!” Sylvanus shot up and danced over. “Ez helped me.” The werewolf grinned smugly.

With a look of apprehension, Alec actually opened the gift bag. He let out a chuckled and looked at them in disbelief. “Really?” He held up a stuffed Cerberus.

“What? It’s cute and will protect him from bad dreams.” She laughed happily as she plucked the gift from Alec’s fingers and held it in front of the baby. Making some gurgling sounds, his chubby fingers grabbed one of the dog’s heads and started chewing on its ear. “See he loves it.”

“Thank you. Both of you.” The two Downworlders smiled and then Sylvanus went to sit next to Jafa who was too slow in pulling his cannoli away from the Vampire.  
Nonna took Ale’s free hand in her’s. “Nonno and I have one more thing for you.”

“It was all Nonna.” The older gentleman commented as he handed a perfectly wrapped present. 

Using only one hand, Alec unwrapped a colorful knitted blanket with Maxie’s name and birth year on it. “Nonna, Nonno it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“Every baby needs their own blanket. One he has is too thin.” And from someone who didn’t want him. Alec thought but never voiced. The rest of the party went without a hitch and at the end of the night everyone helped bring the gifts upstairs. While the mundanes had to say good-bye, most of the Downworlders stayed behind to put the crib, playpen, and changing table together. As they worked on the various projects, Alec and Ezra made something light to eat knowing everyone would be hungry again soon. Jafa and Cassius took over baby duty having won an entertaining game of rock, paper, scissors to decide who got to spend time with Maxie.

After Maxie had gone to bed in his new crib, the Warlocks magicked some extra furniture to sit on much to Alec’s exasperation. With Jafa winning who got to pick the movie of the night, _The Hobbit_ was slipped into the DVD player and everyone settled. As the music began Marcielo walked in through the front door to see his cohorts lounging. “A home is always telling of the person who lives in it.”

The group turned their head at his voice unaware of his entering. “What are you going on about?” Cassius asked.

“I am merely stating that this apartment tells one a lot about who lives here. Example, it looks to care more about the small child that lives inside and the comfort of others than for Alec himself.”

“I’m kind of poor, I don’t exactly have the funds to do anything extravagant. I literally just got things for Maxie from other people mind you, of course his things are going to be more prominent. Also, I’m simple.”

“Exactly. You’ve had months to gather personal affects even if they were little trinkets and yet the only person things in this room are books and the chair you are sitting in. No pictures from your travels, the few months you decided to make this place your residence, nothing really from before.”

“I don’t really take pictures not even when I… I didn’t take much and you can’t travel with a lot of things.”

“You are simple and care more about those around you than yourself. That is all I am saying.”

“And what brought this revelation up?” 

“I found it interesting. I remember a time when Shadowhunters took trophies.” Alec looked away as the other Downworlders shifted uncomfortably. “It’s refreshing.”

Clearing his throat, Alec asked, “What’s with the plants?” He pointed at the two large plants in his arms while three somewhat smaller ones floated above his head.

“The Fair Folk wanted me to bring them.” With a snap of his fingers two of the floating plants hung from the ceiling, the third one rested on one of the book cases, while the two larger plants took up residence on either side of the TV.

Rolling his eyes, Lyal commented, “We wanted to brighten up the place. They’re easy to care for and safe for babies and animals. Like Damien.”

“Hey!” The Werewolf barked while throwing a pillow at the Seelie who merely laughed.

“Oh. Thank you?” Suddenly Alec felt like there was more to it than what Lyal was saying but decided not to press. The Downworlders were too invested in the well being of Maxie to do them any harm, or at least that’s what he hoped. After such a long day of working the night before and not being able to fall asleep only to have a party, Alec didn’t have the energy to worry about what the Seelies were up to.

As the days and weeks passed, Maxie grew and was fought over for who got the honor of watching him. Alec rarely had trouble finding someone to watch him if he had to work or wanted to run and do errands. Slowly his apartment became filled with better furniture, a desk, more shelves, a coat rack, organic food, toiletries for when the Downworlders stayed or wound up at the apartment, and over a dozen blankets and pillows. Unsurprisingly, a guest bedroom was added for when his friends (even Alec had to admit that they were friends at this point) stayed the night or needed a place to recuperate for whenever their job (he never asked, he didn’t want to know what they got themselves into) got dangerous. Inside resided four beds, footlockers for each of them, a few more shelves, and a dresser with a drawer for each person. Alec didn’t question the first time it popped up. He had just gotten home from a long night at the club to find an extra door that was open to a bed and a passed out Cassius. Jafa greeted the tired Nephilim with a look that was a little worried about how Alec would react. With a wave of a hand and a warning that they needed to keep the room clean, he greeted his son before falling asleep on his bed.

A little over a month after finding Maxie, having to get a different job started floating around Alec’s head. He couldn’t keep working nights with the side effect of either not spending enough time with his son or running on four hours of sleep. He could feel himself slipping back into the uncaring haze he entered on occasion. The episodes were farther between now, but he knew part of the reason it was starting again was the guilt of not being with his son more and not sleeping enough.

The path to his next job happened by accident. Letting some of his Downworlder friends watch Maxie for the day, Alec was invited to spend the afternoon with Petra and her daughter. They needed to find clothes for their vacation and a present for Petra’s husband. Walking through the city with Petra and Ionna, Alec carried the few bags they had bought along the way. As he trailed behind them it reminded him of when he and Magnus went to Japan. The memory hurt but also brought him a sense of happiness at remembering how happy they had been. It was a carefree, unplanned adventure that Magnus had sprung on him since neither had anything to do. The day had been one of the best he’d had in years and he couldn’t stop smiling. Somehow Alec had managed to sneak away long enough to buy the Warlock a small present. The sheer look of awe and amazement had been enough to burn away any embarrassment Alec had felt at giving the charm. He’d never been very good at sharing his feelings with people. He hoped the Omamori still brought the man he loved protection.

The trio were walking through an especially crowded area when a woman in her early to mid-thirties, looking a little frazzled as she looked through the plethora of people, cried out, “There you are!” She wrapped her hand around Alec’s upper arm. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you. You’re late. Let’s go!” He looked behind him as Petra stared in surprise and for a moment frozen in place with Ionna’s hand in hers.As he was dragged away from his friends the Nephilim wondered if he was being kidnapped and if so how he was going to incapacitate her. He could tell she was human therefore probably didn’t need his full Shadowhunter force reigned down on her. Since everything about the situation was not normal, he shouldn’t have been surprised when she shoved him into an outdoor changing room. Even though he tried to protest that he wasn’t the one she was looking for, the woman would have none of it. Instead she went off on him for being late and what kind of professional was he.

“Here’s your first set of clothes.” Her voice said from the other side as her hands with freshly pressed clothes shot through the slit. “Hurry up, the photographer is pissed.”

Hesitantly grabbing the clothes he tried one more time but found that he was alone. With a sigh he quickly changed into a pair of designer jeans, a grey short-sleeved button up, a vest, and nice looking sneakers. He was beginning to feel like Magnus. Excluding the sneakers of course, Magnus would have worn nicer shoes. He pulled the vest down at an attempt to clear his head and headed out where he went with the flow. Sitting in the chair he was forced into, Alec made faces as makeup was applied to his face, someone styled his hair, and his beard was trimmed to look less shaggy.

“Alright, come on.” The woman returned and ushered him to the photographer. “He’s here.” She informed the man.

“Great.” He replied gruffly not looking up from his camera. “Next to the blonde.” When Alec didn’t move the woman rolled her eyes and shoved him. “Hurry up!” The photographer barked still not looking at the man. Rolling his eyes, Alec walked over to where he was supposed to be. Not smiling once he reluctantly did as he was told. At one point his eyes caught Petra’s who snickered behind her hand. Mouthing for her to help him, she merely shook her head and then leaned over to speak softly to her daughter. She was a great friend...

About an hour later, Alec was told to go and change into the three piece suit waiting for him in the changing room. With a sigh he leisurely made his way to change. He was dressed in all black except his forest green tie. He always hated suits they were stuffy and didn’t allow for much movement if he was ever attacked. Maybe hate was a strong word. He did enjoy seeing Magnus in them. Shoving anything Shadowhunter related out of his head he walked out to find the photographer.

On his way he ran into a tall young woman in a dress that matched his tie. “You must be my male partner.” Her smile was demure but her dark eyes were smoldering. “I am Gwen. A pleasure to meet you.”

“Alec.” He introduced himself while taking her outstretched hand.

“I don’t think I have seen you around before. Are you new?”

Hearing raised voices the pair looked over to see a commotion by the photographer. “I think you’re about to find out how new.” Stepping up his pace, Gwen followed after him curious as to what he meant.

The pair arrived right as a tall man only an inch or two shorter than Alec with dark brown hair shouted in an accent, “What do you mean? I don’t understand how you could confuse another for me!”

“Oh my.” Gwen muttered next to Alec as her hand covered her mouth but glee shown in her eyes. The look reminded him of Izzy.

“Where is this asshole that apparently looks like me!”

“I assume you mean me?” Alec crossed his arms unaware how the jacket pulled taunt and showed off his muscles.

The fuming model, photographer, and the woman from before all turned to face him. Although differences were evident between the two, the model and Alec did have similar physical descriptions that could have been mistaken if no one knew who the other was. “Oh no.” the woman gasped.

The model glared at Alec before turning on the woman. “You really confused this fucker for me? I am Fredrick Gambino! How could you confuse a… a plebian for me?”

“It was an hon-“

“Honest mistake? What kind of agent are you!”

Alec stepped forward and placed a hand on the angry model’s chest. “You need to step back.”

“Why don’t you stay the fuck out of this and get out of my fucking clothes? How does that sound?” The man’s navy eyes looked over the Nephilim in disgust.

“Why don’t you show up on time to your job instead of getting pissed? How does that sound?” Alec sniped back.

“Who do you think you’re talking to!”

“No one of import apparently.” Alec didn’t back down even though Fredrick stepped up in his face. “You can’t be that great if the local agents don’t even know who you are so I suggest you go cool off and apologize to this woman for an honest mistake. Although I don’t find us similar in appearance, a mistake is a mistake.”

While the model gaped in anger, Gwen started laughing next to him. “How dare you! You are a nobody!”

“You’re right.” Alec shrugged. “Thus I don’t care about appeasing your fragile ego.” Tilting his head to look at the photographer he asked, “Do you still need me or can I change?”

“We’ve come this far and we don’t have much sunlight left. If you can, please stay. Frederick you’re free to go.” The photographer dismissed the seasoned model.

“What?” Fredrick snarled as Alec raised a brow. Alec hadn’t thought the man would want him especially when the guy they originally wanted, the guy who had actual experience was right there ready to change and take the pictures.

“You heard what I said. Go. You snooze, you lose. Whatever your name is-“

“Alec.”

“Alex, you’re dressed, you’ve met your partner, and now please get up there. We need to get this done. Hup to!” The man clapped his hands and walked away. Looking over at Gwen, Alec shrugged and headed to his place. The shoot continued while Fredrick yelled and complained. All the while Alec did as he was told questioning why the photographer decided he was good enough to finish the shoot. It took ten minutes and basically everyone getting frustrated for him to start doing something right. The photographer yelled at him saying he was too stiff and visibly looked uncomfortable. Internally, Alec had to agree because he was. Why did he think this was a good idea? Looking down and while grabbing his hair in annoyance, he debated just telling the man it was a waste of time and to let him go home. To his surprise when he looked up the camera went off half a dozen times before the photographer shouted, “Yes! That’s it, keep going.” He had to admit though, Gwen was entertaining as she made sarcastic comments to encourage some upturn of his lips instead of always looking like he was ready to bash his forehead into the nearest pole. By the end he was glad the shoot was over. It wasn’t difficult per say, but having to pose was annoying and the clothes were too stiff to be comfortable.

While he was almost done unbuttoning his obsidian colored dress shirt, Gwen barged in like she owned the small changing room. Whistling, she looked over Alec’s chest that was lean with muscle. “Damn, next time we should have you dressed in less.”

“Don’t objectify me.” He commented as he hung the shirt up and started pulling on his shirt.

“That’s the biz hun. All we are are sexy bodies to sell clothes. Get used to it.”

“This isn’t actually my job.” He pointed out. “I was literally pulled off the street and lectured for being late.”

“Really? That’s gold.” As Alec left, Gwen looped her arm through his. “You should consider. I mean I’m pretty sure we would be amazing together. We’d be the next IT couple in the modeling world.”

“First, I probably have a boyfriend-“

“Probably?”

“It’s complicated. Second, I’m gay. Third, I’m not a model. I’m a bouncer.”

Sighing, she mildly complained, “Wasting your looks in a club. What a shame.” He hummed before approaching the agent. “These are yours. May I go now? My friends are waiting.”

“Yes. I apologize for the mistake. If you give me your address we will send you the money for your time.” She bowed her head. “My name is Theresa McCall by the way. Modeling agent and manager for the local branch.”

“Honest mistake… I guess.” After handing the clothes to the woman, he wrote down his name and address. “Have a great day. Nice meeting you both.” He waved and then headed towards Petra and Ionna.

“Mr. Alex!” Ionna called running at him. He easily scooped her up in his arms. “You looked like a prince! Or a groom.” Alec gave her a small smile while she went off on princesses and princes like she usually did. Petra was giggling to herself at the whole situation her friend had found himself in. By the time the trio arrived at the station to part ways, Ionna had fallen asleep.

“Thanks for hanging out with us.” The woman smiled shifting her daughter into a more comfortable position. “It was pretty cool seeing you strut your stuff up there. If I wasn’t happily married and knew you weren’t gay, I may have swooned a little.”

“Please don’t tell anyone. The last thing I need is for Jafa or anyone in the club finding out.” He raked his fingers through his hair. He could barely imagine the teasing the Seelie and his mundane friends would have fun dishing.

“I won’t say a thing but I can’t promise baby girl here won’t tell everyone she knows that Mr. Alec was a prince the other day or one of them won’t see you in an AD?”

“I’ll cross that when it happens or deny it ever being me.”

“Whatever you say Mr. Model. Have a lovely night, Alex.” She gave him a one armed hug before boarding the train in the opposite direction of him. By the time he arrived back at the bakery he was glad to be home. He spent some time with the Piro’s and then headed upstairs to settle down for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who care, I am officially a Doctor of Chiropractic! It's surreal to think I've finally graduated and it still hasn't quite hit me. Cheers everyone! Have a great week.


	13. Not a Model

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So according to my time editing the rest of Alec's history without his family part, we have one mroe chapter. That's crazy to think! We're almost there to the adventures he and Maxie will embark on with his family back in his life. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would like to thank everyone who has given this story Kudos and especially commented. You motivate me to keep posting and writing! I love you guys. Stay awesome, Angels! Cheers.

Four days after the unfortunate modeling incident Alec’s cell phone vibrated across the kitchen table as he dealt with an upset Maxie. Doing everything he could to try and sooth his son, Alec walked over while bouncing him and picked up the cell. “Hello?” He greeted into the phone while trying to shush his baby.

“Hello Alex!” Theresa’s friendly voice greeted back. “Is this a bad time?”

“No, it’s fine.” _What the hell was the agent calling him for?_

“Great. I wanted to let you know the photographer and the company loved your photos.” Alec snorted while he picked up the Cerberus plushy and waved it in front of Maxie. The baby was barely pleased with his toy dancing in front of his face. “The photographer would like for you to come back and do another shoot for him in three days if you’re available.”

Alec was quiet. Had she just said they wanted him back? It had to be a joke. He was terrible at modeling. Hell he wasn’t even a model. He ruined at least fifteen minutes of film by just standing there probably looking constipated or like he would rather enter Hell and fight Lucifer than be in that room. “You sure he meant me?”

“Yes. One Alex Lightwood.”

“I’m not a model.”

“The photographer didn’t seem to care. He said you are aesthetically attractive, could make him a lot of money, and have raw hidden talent. You also seemed to handle Gwen well when most can’t stand her.”

“She’s not that bad.”

“Says you. She’s had three partners who’d rather have an orgy with Medusa, Midas, and Umbridge.”

“I don’t know who the last person is.”

“She’s from Harry Potter. Doesn’t matter anyway, the photographer is doing a shoot with her and since you seem to have chemistry with her he wants you back.”

Hesitant because he really doesn’t want to be a model, he asked, “What is the shoot this time?”

“Underwear for an up and coming company.”

“They do realize I have scars right? I mean not just my arms but my torso too.”

“They don’t care although they are quite curious.”

“I don’t talk about them. _Ever_.”

“Suit yourself. Are you in?”

“I… I don’t know. I’m a bouncer at a nightclub and have a son.”

“Well, as I said the shoot is in three days. It’s from 1-5 with you having to be there around 12 since you’ll probably have to cover your scars. If you agree I can let you know if you can come in more around 12:30.”

Alec looked at Maxie contemplating what to do. He had been looking for a job, one that could potentially replace long nights and screwed with him spending time with Maxie and his circadian rhythm. “Is this a temp thing or are you trying to get me to sign on more permanently?” He’d been asked before while traveling, but for whatever reason this time was different and he didn’t know why.

“Honestly the way the photographer is requesting you, probably more permanent. Once one likes you a model can rise quickly because they’ll usually request you whenever they shoot. You could be big.”

“As I said, I have a son. I’m a single father. I can’t leave on scenic shoots. I’m not like most, I can’t drop everything to go and model. I can’t spend hours on site. He’ll always come first.”

“I can talk to the photographer and make it a part of your contract… If we ever make it that far. Why don’t you try a real shoot where you’re actually supposed to be working and see how you like it?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“You’ll make $250 to stand their in your skivvies and look pretty.”

“That does not help. I sound like a prostitute and no offense to them but that’s not me.” 

The woman chuckled, “Sorry, what I meant was it’s easy work for a decent amount of cash. Most starting out wouldn’t even earn that much.” This woman was great at wearing people down and currently Alec wasn’t up to dealing with people. He hadn’t been sleeping and the past two night Maxie had been getting up more frequently than normal. 

“What time and where?”

“Oh Good!”

“No, I need to know because I have work the day before and that night. And it’s not like I agree to be one of your models.” _The extra money would be great though. Maxie is a poop monster._

“Oh, well the shoot is from 1-5 at the Domino Building. I will send the address to your phone. You won’t regret it! Have a great day.” Without being able to say anything, the line went dead.

Staring down at Maxie whose face was still tear stained but much happier now that he was chewing on the ear of his favorite toy, Alec weighed his options. Was it worth it? It was only one shoot. He could say no after that and never look back. It’s not like he was signing his life away. Nodding to himself, he walked out of the kitchen to relax on the couch and hopefully lull Maxie into a nap.

Thus three days later after working a shift at the club, sleeping for a few hours, and then spending time with his son, Alec found himself at the Domino building. Feeling uncomfortable and a little anxious, he entered the suite he was told to find. Once inside he was greeted by controlled chaos. Upon being spotted, Gwen grinned and walked over. “Alex! I heard you would be here but I didn’t believe it!” She was dressed in grey satin lingerie with dark pink lace decorating the piece and nothing else. Unsurprisingly, she was quite comfortable wearing virtually nothing.

“Hello, Gwen.” He greeted eyes never straying from hers.

“Let me welcome you to this lovely shoot.” Like before she looped her arm around his and started dragging him through the room. “I guess Theresa told you we would be partners?” Nodding, his eyes looked around taking in everything and noting where exits and windows were. “Most of this shoot we will be doing together or with one to two other people. The company wants to be known for their couples underwear so we are going to be matching. I can’t wait to see what you’re wearing. There will be a few solo shots, but most of the time I will be by your side whispering naughty comments and fun gossip in your ear.”

“I just want to reiterate that I have no interest in you or any woman and that I probably won’t be a model after today.”

The woman laughed as she turned to lean on the door jam that lead to the men’s changing room. “I’m aware.” She leaned in. “I saw the way your eyes lingered on some of the guys walking around, but don’t worry I take no offense. I’m a lover of women, but I do love to tease and make people uncomfortable.”

With an amused looked Alec shook his head. “Good luck with that. You’ve never met my sister or brother.”

Glee lit up her face. “I can’t wait to get to know you better! We will take this industry by storm.”

Giving her a look, he turned to head into the changing room. “As I said, doubt I will be here again.”

“We shall see, Cutie.” She winked and then turned and left. Looking up to the ceiling for help he knew he would never get, Alec walked in to find what he was supposed to change into. A few minutes later he walked out in silk grey boxers and a robe because he was not going to flaunt the fact that he was covered in, albeit scarred, angelic runes. From what he could tell everyone in the suite was mundane, but he still couldn’t be too careful. 

The makeup artist greeted him and started right away with makeup. Most of his scars were covered with dermablend. He looked down at his arm to find his skin looking perfectly smooth and like any other mundane. His mind went back to everytime he and his siblings had gone out on a mission with glamour on; covering the thick black lines of their runes. They always blended in at the clubs they occasionally entered to kill demons. The crushing waves of longing and hurt washed over him. He wanted to see them and they were only minutes away. His hand went to his side wishing the pain away while his hair was gelled back and beard once again trimmed.

“Look at you.” Gwen got up from the chair she lounged in. “If I wasn’t a lesbian I’d be all over you like a fly on shit.”

“Lovely imagery. Even if you were straight I still wouldn’t be interested.”

“Ouch.” She pouted only to laugh when the look he gave her was unamused. “Well then,” Wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning her head on his clothed arm, she asked, “Which one of these lovely men would you Fuck, Kill, and Marry?”

Looking down at her, he answered, “I don’t know any of them therefore I can’t answer that question. Also, I’m not a fan of being touched.”

“Does it bother you that much that I’m hanging off you in a non-sexual manner?”

“A little.”

“Well think of it this way. No one will come near you while I use you as my person cuddly teddy bear and I don’t have to worry about douchebags trying to talk me up.”

“Arm, not waist please.”

“I can work with that.” Changing position she continued to look over the room. “You do realize we are going to be quite close in barely anything during this shoot right.”

“As long as they don’t require me to have sex fake or something, I should be fine.”

“Can’t fake a good time?” Not gracing her with an answer she sighed, “Alright. So no one catching your interest? These are top male specimen… physically anyways. Some are actually quite intelligent. Like Mike over there is doing this while paying for Law school and Luis is modeling and going to Med school. None are catching your eye?”

“I thought you didn’t look at guys that way?”

“I don’t, but even I can admire a beautiful body even if I’m not sexually attracted to it.”

Looking back over the room Alec already knew that none of them would be of interest to him. “I suppose some are nice to look at however I’m already in love with someone else.”

The young woman spun to stand before him with a huge smile on her face. “Who? You must share!”

“No. Besides you don’t know him.”

“Come on, please.”

“No.”

“You’re no fun.” Gwen looked a little frustrated before shrugging. Before they could say much else, the photographer called everyone together and gave them the lowdown on what was going to happen. Thirty minutes into the shoot, Gwen and Alec were called to be the next pair. Looking at the stage he started regretting his decision to come. Handing his robe to one of the assistants he went to stand next to Gwen who was already on stage.

“Damn boy, I think everyone just got a hardon for you. Even the straights.” The woman whispered causing Alec to blush a little. Trying not to think at all about what his partner had said, he stared at the photographer waiting for instruction. The man dished them out in short precise sentences. As before Alec initially got a few good shots but was too stiff and unsure.

“You’re trying to seduce her!” The photographer shouted. “Her and every woman who is about to look at this picture. Come on Alex, I know you know how to do that.” Closing his eyes he tried to center himself. He didn’t know how to seduce anyone. Hell he barely knew how to flirt. The only one he’d ever really done any of that to was Magnus and that had taken a while for him to even be comfortable doing. However... Magnus was pretty much a master at both. First time they met he shamelessly flirted and threw looks Alec’s way. It had confused him, but also released a kaleidoscope of butterflies in his stomach. Thinking _What the hell, why not?_ Alec opened his eyes while ripping a page out of his boyfriend’s book.

“That’s it!” After tapping into his inner Magnus, the rest of the shoot went without a hitch. To his surprise after the pair was dismissed Theresa informed him the photographer wanted to talk to him. Gwen whacked his arm with her hand. “You are going places!” Her excitement was contagious. Alec could feel himself getting excited with her.

“Why do you say that?” He asked trying to resist.

“Come on. A non-model gets a call back and now the photographer wants to talk to you after all the encouragement he was dishing while we were posing. You have become a favorite.”

“I don’t know how. I’m not very good.”

She raised a brow at him not believing anything he was spouting. “You killed it out there once you let go and,” She waved her hand at him. “Did whatever you did. I was seduced which my friend is very impressive. Not just anyone seduces me.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Don’t fucking lie. It looked natural and like you were looking into my soul and found something attractive and worthy of having hot sacred sex that gods would be jealous of.”

Alec’s eyes were wide and kind of twitched at the imagine. “I did not look like that. I probably looked constipated or something.”

Gwen groaned, “Whatever you say. If you keep that ‘constipated’ look you will be one of the greatest models in the industry especially if a photographer takes a liking to you. They’ll keep calling you for shoots because they like you which will keep giving you work and people like brands and other photographers will start requesting you and soon enough BOOM you’re invited to Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show-”

“Who’s show?”

Gwen frowned and then gaped at him. “You don’t? You are such a noob. It’s a good thing you found me.”

“It sounds familiar… I think.” He was pretty sure Izzy had mentioned something about a Victoria and a her Secret. Or had it been Clary to Izzy? He couldn’t remember.

“Just know it’s the biggest fashion show for female models right next to New York’s fashion week. New York’s actually has male models and you could be invited.”

“Yay?”

“I’ll make a model of you yet, Alex! Now get to the man who determines your fate.”

Rolling his eyes, he turned, “Pretty sure I determine my fate. I’ll talk to you later, Gwen.”

“You bet you will. If I don’t see you back here I will personally find you and drag you back here and be my partner.”

“Why do you care?”

“Because you actually put up with me when most run away as fast as they can-”

“You aren’t that bad.” He reassured.

“So says you, but also I like you. You’re fun even if I do most of the talking. You know how to throw back what I give. It’s refreshing and you don’t play nice. What you see is what you get and I like that.”

“Well, it was nice seeing you again even if you don’t know what personal space is.” Gwen laughed as she waved him off. Upon seeing the photographer, Ben his name was Ben, he was informed that he wanted Alec back. He wasn’t scheduled for his next shoot for another week but would like for Alec to model for it. Quite speechless because seriously he wasn’t a model! The Nephilim told him he would let him know in the next few days and that he needed to think on it. With the agreement that Theresa would give Alec the details about the shoot and he would let Ben know within the next couple of days. A handshake later, Alec trudged back home to shower, spend time with Maxie, eat, and then get ready for work.

By the middle of October Alec somehow ended up with steady work of two times a week modeling. Sitting down while bouncing Maxie on his knee and making faces he wondered how in heaven and hell he had been convinced that it was a good idea, that he was actually good at it. He still refused to look at any pictures of him. Gwen and then when Petra and the other ladies found out about his side job, they all agreed he was born to be in front of the camera. With a skeptical look, he had gone back to sweeping the bakery and cleaning up while Nonna sang to Maxie in Italian. 

In agreeing to be taken on as a model because for whatever reason Ben liked him, Alec had a few clauses that were necessary. First and foremost, Maxie always came first. He could and would cancel or deny a shoot if something was wrong with his son. Second, he wouldn’t be traveling around to different states or a place more than four hours from his home. Again mainly because he was not leaving his son and he was still a bouncer thus he needed to be back for work. Third, he would not be known by his name. People may know what he looks like but the beard could throw them off enough for them not to recognize him. He didn’t want anyone from his life before knowing he lived near New York. Thus the model known as Alex Trueblood was born. Lastly, his files would be confidential. No one would know his cell number or where he lived unless he specifically agreed to someone having that knowledge. A few more tweaks here and there and the contract was signed. Alec was officially a model.

The man’s popularity only grew until he found himself either half naked in underwear (for whatever reason there were a lot of companies specifically for undergarments) or dressed in clothes he himself would probably never wear two to three times a week. Much to her glee Gwen often found herself partnered with the man. She wasn’t wrong in her prediction that they would take the industry by storm. Aside from Ben who often was the one to call dibs on the dark haired man, more companies and photographers started taking notice of the man with raw modeling talent. By November he had dropped to three times a week at the club because he knew he wouldn’t be able to function much longer doing both. At the end of the month he worked his last shift at the club. A party was thrown by the waitresses, other security members, and bartenders. A part of Alec was sad that he was leaving, he quite enjoyed his time as a bouncer but he was being paid better as a model and the hours were more flexible enabling him to be with Maxie and the Piro’s more. Alec’s life was slowly turning over to something he could be proud of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ongoing adventures of my life... I have a job. Like a real adult job. I'm working as an exam doctor as I finish up my last part of Boards and then apply for my license. Then in September I take a certification exam so I can begin my journey as an animal chiropractor! Big things happening over the next few months. Which is scary and exciting all at once. Cheers everyone! Have a great week.


	14. Exeunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had to leave. He was nothing but a useless ex-Shadowhunter that caused more destruction in his wake than a wildfire spreading across California. So, one day he packed a bag and left to wander like Cain aimlessly. All he wants to do is go back home. Go back to his friends, his family, and most of all his love but he can't. He isn't part of the Shadow World anymore and so starts his independent life as a vagabond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we come to the end of part 2. I'm excited for part 3 because everyone is together ^_^ 
> 
> I read a fic where at 80,000 words or something the author commented how it was the slowest burn they had ever written. I jokingly messaged my friend how I felt for them and how our fic was the slowest burn ever... and the kicker is they're technically together (they never officially broke up). Just a little bit longer.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me through all the angst, war, and depressing events. It does get better. I mean, how could it not? Maxie's in the picture!
> 
> Cheers, Angels! See you next week for Part 3.

One day in early December when a light flurry of snow lightened the outside, Alec was sitting at the baby grand piano playing a soft melody while Maxie played in a playpen. It was a sadder piece than normal. Nonno walked over and sat down next to the man lost in thought. “What disturbs you, Polipitto?”

He didn’t answer right away. The words clogged his throat as his heart tightened. “It’s… In a few days it’s,” He cut himself off as he hit the wrong note. Finding his flow again, he finally finished, “It’s almost Magnus’s birthday.”

“Ah.” The old man watched Alec’s fingers gracefully run across the worn yet polished keys. “Why do you not go see him? Call him? I bet he misses you.”

“I don’t think so, Nonno. I hurt him. I abandoned him…”

“Do not think that way.”

“It’s hard not to.”

“I tell you a secret.” Alec slowed his playing so he could listen to the man without concentrating on what he was playing. “I thought I lost Nonna once. I had left her to fight in the war.” He opened his mouth to protest how the two situations were different, but Nonno shook his head. “I left her. I didn’t need to go. I had done my service and she begged me not to, but I felt it was my duty. We had been attacked. I had to help my country. Oh she was angry. She told me if I left she would not be here when I returned. That haunted me as I left. I thought I’d lost her too. I sent her letters almost everyday and never received one. Almost a year to the day I left I received one that was angry. The letter… I will never forget it. It broke my heart. It was then I knew she had left me for good, until I read the last line. After telling me how angry she was with me she told me I better return back to her.” Nonno began to smile like a fool, love still shining in his eyes even after all these years. “Said if I did not she would find me and kill me herself. Do not lose hope Alex, it is quite possible he still wants you.” Alec looked down at his hands that had stilled. He wanted to hope that Magnus still wanted him, but he knew if the man didn’t he would fall apart. Flinching when the old man’s pointy elbow nudged him, he looked over to see a sly smile on Nonno’s face. “I saw the picture of you two. He loves you as much as you love him.” Then he stood to go back to work.

Alec resumed playing as he once more was lost in his thoughts. After missing last year and not being able to see the man this year, he felt stuck. More than anything he wanted to send Magnus something. It had been over six months since a lost Downworlder had made its way to the Warlock’s door. He didn’t want the man to worry that he had died, but he honestly wasn’t ready to walk up to the loft’s door and see him. Even though Alec was to some degree still a part of the Shadow World because of Maxie, he still avoided it as much as possible. He had somehow created a mundane life, but the draw to return was always there pulling at him. He wanted his family, friends, and boyfriend back but he knew it wasn’t possible. He was a stripped Shadowhunter; he wasn’t allowed back. To return meant death via another Shadowhunter. If he thought he couldn’t go back before he definitely couldn’t be reckless now. 

Looking over at Maxie he watched his son rock on his knees and babble to his well loved Cerberus toy. He’d grown so much since Alec had first found him. He was still on the smaller side, but he was strong, curious, and just as happy as any other baby. The attention he got made him less skiddish around new people and he loved being the center of attention. The only thing Alec really worried about was the day Maxie started manifesting his powers. He didn’t care that his son would one day be able to blow something up or levitate an object, but he hoped it happened when mundanes weren’t around. He wasn’t a fan of lying or compelling them to forgetting. 

Deciding he was done practicing for the day, Alec got up and picked up his son. Maxie smiled and babbled at his father while shoving his fingers into Alec’s mouth. With a huff of a laugh, he gently took the hand and made nomming noises. The little Warlock squealed in glee while his other hand patted his father’s facial hair. After saying good-night to the Piro’s the pair headed upstairs to relax. 

The night was calming to the confusion and turmoil that had wreaked him earlier in the day. After some tummy time on the living room floor and dinner, the pair sat on the couch with a blanket over Alec’s lap and Maxie’s blanket over him. Maxie was curled in the crook in his father’s arm while Alec had a book in the other. Tonight Alec was reading Maxie The Grimm’s Fairy tale The Goose Girl in the original German. Every night now reading a book in another language had become their routine. Alec loved that he was able to form an actual night routine with his son. Halfway through the story Maxie had fallen asleep with Cerberus clenched in his hands and sucking on its ear. Once he finished the tale, he tossed the book down toward his feet and rested his cheek on Maxie’s head. Now that the apartment was quiet and he was the only one awake, Alec’s mind went back to Magnus. He wondered what the man was doing. He wondered if the man had moved on by now.

Finally getting up, Alec knew it would be hours before there was even a chance of him falling asleep. Laying Maxie down in his crib, Alec started pacing the apartment until he found something to do. Two hours later, most of the week’s laundry had been done and he was working on the bathroom he had been neglecting. Eventually he updated the calendar one of the Downworlders had put up with when he was working, movie nights with the girls and then the Downworlders, the now weekly self-defense classes, and other appointments he needed to remember or inform his friends of. Around four, Alec shuffled into his bedroom where he fell asleep only to be woken an hour later from a nightmare he hadn’t had in over a month. He groaned as he fell back with his hands covering his face. He could feel the decline starting. 

By the time December 8th arrived Alec was numb. He went through the motions of the day. Even spending time with Maxie brought very little happiness or feeling to him. The guilt he felt bit deeper whenever he realized that he was failing his son. On more than one occasion one of his friends heard him apologize to the baby for not being better. He couldn’t stop though. Another birthday had arrived for someone he loved and he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t call the person, send a present, or see them. Well, technically he could but something inside him screamed at him that he would only cause more trouble for Magnus if he tried to contact him. Alec had caused him so much pain already, he’d only cause more if he tried something. As night fell and he was left alone with a sleeping Maxie, Alec found himself sitting against the side of his bed. His finger ran down the photo booth picture that felt like a lifetime ago. Tears slid down his face as he stared. “Happy birthday, Magnus.” He muttered, wiping one hand across his Warlock’s face. By the time he stood up the sun had risen signaling a new day had come.

Not a week later, Alec stood with Maxie in his arms (one blue fist valiantly trying to be shoved in his mouth while the other grabbed his father’s holey sweater) staring at Damien, Jafa, Ezra, and Accalia grinning at him in excitement. Held out to him was a puppy roughly nine months in age looking at him with its tongue lolled out to the side. It panted happily at the father/son pair in front of it. “What is this?” Alec asked unable to take his eyes off the creature.

“Your new puppy! Merry Christmas!” Jafa cheered. His excitement caused the puppy to bark happily.

“I don’t celebrate Christmas.”

“What? But you’re a Nephilim don’t you need to celebrate the birth of your 200 times removed cousin or something?”

Finally looking up unamused, Alec answered, “Just because we are the children of angels does not mean we believe in Christianity or any one religion specifically. It was never really a holiday for us. It’s more of a Mundane thing. Why are you giving me a dog?”

The foursome looked at each other and with the best sad puppy eyes they could all manage Ezra replied, “Because we found him lost and alone. We thought he would do you some good. He will protect you and Maxie and he’s a cutie.”

“And?”

“And Marcielo won’t let us keep him.” Ezra pouted.

Sighing, Alec turned allowing the Downworlders and dog to enter the apartment. “I know you want to keep it, but I don’t even know if-”

“We already asked Nonna and Nonno, they’re smitten and think he’d be great for you.” Damien giddily smiled.

“I don’t know. I mean I have my hands full with Maxie and work. I don’t have time for a puppy.”

“He’ll be great. We’ll look after him when we babysit Maxie and so far he appears to have basic training.”

Maxie made grabby arms for the dog. “It’s friendly?” Jafa nodded enthusiastically. Slightly skeptical Alec carefully bent over so the puppy could meet the Warlock child. The puppy licked the baby’s outstretched hand. Maxie cried out startled at the new sensation before screaming happily.

“Maxie has deemed the puppy worthy!” Damien shouted with his arms up. Then the four looked at their friend pleadingly.

“Trial period.” Alec pointed his finger at them as Maxie tried to continue petting (smacking) the dog. “What’s its name?”

With a grin the Seelie said, “Lucifer.” Alec narrowed his eyes as if question whether or not the other man was serious. “What? Can you imagine telling someone that you’re going to sic Lucifer on them? It’ll be great!”

“Right. Also,” He looked over the puppy. “Luci is a she.”

“What?” The Downworlders cried dropping to the floor to look under the dog. Alec rolled his eyes before sticking his hand out for the puppy to sniff him. “Oooooh.”

“You’re staying here.” Alec told the puppy fearing for her life if she stayed with his friends. “Anything I should know about her?”

“Well, she kinda looks like a mix between a Great Dane and Pitbull, she’s a sweetheart, eats a lot, and hasn’t peed or pooped in the house yet. Also, Nonna and Nonno approve of her… and so does Maxie.”

“I gathered. Did you bring food, dishes, a bed, or anything for her or do we-”

“Shopping trip!”

_I’m surrounded by children._ Alec thought as he turned towards his room. “Let me get ready and then we’ll head out.” He left only for cheering to follow him. What had he gotten himself into?

With Maxie strapped to his chest and bundled up in a scarf, hat, and jacket, he walked out of the apartment with an entourage of three werewolves, a Seelie, and the newest member of the Lightwood family. It was cold, but not freezing enough that the party couldn’t walk ten minutes to the pet store. Unlike his father, Maxie loved the cold and ran warm enabling him to enjoy winter with only a hat to cover his head and a heavy sweater. 

Upon entering through the automatic doors, Ezra grabbed a cart while Accalia and Jafa bickered about who got to walk Luci. Looking down at his son, Alec shook his head. “What are we going to do with them?” Maxie cooed. “Yeah.” The Nephilim agreed while undoing the buttons of his peacoat. Wrapping his arms around the Warlock, Alec headed toward the dog section of the store. He watched with amusement as the others ran around finding toys, food, an ‘awesome’ collar, a bed, and other necessities for a dog. Luci enjoyed every minute of the chaos around her jumping and running with her new friends. At some point her makeshift leash was thrusted into Alec’s hand while the other four argued over what type of bed was worthy of their puppy. Bending down he stroked the dog’s head while she sniffed a giggling Maxie. 

By the time the small group returned to the apartment the Downworlders were carrying over half a dozen bags and a bed while Alec carried Maxie and held Luci’s leash. Once inside he let her roam freely as he unbundled himself and his child. The trio sat back and watched as the others set everything up and even made dinner. Alec had to admit currently adopting Luci had been a good idea.

It didn’t take long for Luci to become one of the family. She loved everyone, but was also very protective of the Piro’s, the Lightwoods, and his friends. During most days the puppy could be found lounging around the bakery where Nonno would walk her to the store to pick up a few things if they ran out. Alec secretly believed she had been owned before. She understood her commands too well for her not to have been trained before. He hoped no one was trying to find her. At this point he didn't think any of them would be willing to part with her.

At the end of December Petra held a large dinner for her friends inviting both Alec and Maxie. The night was fun and relaxing with Ionna somehow usurping most of Alec’s time while Maxie was paraded around the house. The young Warlock enjoyed the attention and luckily had yet to start showing signs of his power. To his surprise when the Lightwoods returned home for the night another door stood at the opposite end of where his bedroom was. Sylvanus, Jafa, Marcielo, and Cassius stood in the living room looking pleased with themselves.

“Surprise!” Sylvanus and Jafa yelled while throwing up their arms. The latter almost hitting Marcielo in the face.

Hanging up his and Maxie’s coats, Alec looked at the door and then his friends. “Do I want to know what that leads to?”

Marcielo rolled his eyes at the younger man, “Because we have been untrustworthy in the past. Yes, fear the new magical door.”

Pointing his finger at the Warlock, Alec reminded, “I have returned to find purple and green goo covering my walls and something that may or may not have been alive in the frig. There was also the time Alistair, Clen, and Damien were wrestling a chupacabra while Jafa stood on the table with Maxie. Or-”

“I get it, my companions can’t be trusted but I have done nothing for you to question my integrity. Now open the door before I portal out of here to drink myself into oblivion.”

“You don’t drink.” Alec called behind him as he walked over to the door. “Alright Maxie what is behind door number Four?” Opening the door he flipped the light on to find a large workout room. The floor was matted, it was stocked with weights, staves, practice swords, a stereo system, and a few punching bags. Alec was impressed and thoroughly appreciated the Warlock’s ability to make a room larger than it appears. “Thank you.”

“Glad you like it.” Sylvanus grinned. “Now you can workout even on the days you don’t have time to get to the gym or to release some stress or even when you have nights you can’t sleep.”

“And of course we want a place to beat the shit out of each other in a safe environment.” Jafa added.

Alec shook his head, “Of course. Try not to kill each other. Blood is hard to get out of fighting mats.”

“Why do you think we keep Cass, Marc, and Al around? Ow!” Damien cried having received a nice whack to the back of his head from Marcielo. “That was rude.”

“Says the one who said I was only around to clean blood. Young people.” The older man looked to the heavens as he turned and left. He had better things to do like scam annoying Downworlders or make sure his compatriots didn’t screw up on a job.

“Are you staying the night?” Alec asked watching the man head deeper into the living room.

“No, I prefer my own bed. Good-night.” He was gone within seconds the power of the portal having thrown some of the loose papers around the room.

Sylvanus whistled, “Damn, why can’t I be that cool?”

“You are, just in the let me bite you, make you high, and drink some of your delicious blood sort of way. Oh and the immortality part. That’s pretty nifty.”

“That’s not unique though. I mean you and the Warlocks are practically immortal. I’m not that cool. I can’t magically make a portal or blow shit up with my mind.”

“But you can alter memories.”

The female vampire shrugged, “Useful, but actually quite cruel. Now who wants to play Mario Carts?” The rest of the Downworlders cheered.

“Have fun but don’t be too loud. Maxie and I are going to bed.” Alec headed into the bathroom where he did his night routine and then he changed Maxie into a striped onesie. Laying down with Maxie next to him he sang quietly until the baby was sound asleep. Not long later Alec also drifted off to sleep. 

After the New Year was rung in, winter hit harder than usual. The air colder bit into a person’s bones while the wind ripped into their soul. Snow fell at least once a day, not always bad but a storm did hit the fourth day into the new year. Bundled up in a sweater, sweatpants, and a pile of blankets, Alec lounged around watching a few movies and reading. By mid afternoon the apartment was filled with the warm scent of baking bread and cookies while most of his Downworlder friends built a pillow fort and fought over who was cooler Aragorn, Legolas, or Gimli. By the time the storm ended Cassius and Alistair had cleared the snow around the bakery with a thought and the merriment continued into the night. By the time the apartment was quiet again, the Downworlders were either passed out in the spare bed or on top of each other in the living room. The two Lightwoods slept soundly in their room unaware that in a few days their world would be altered for the better.

**Author's Note:**

> All the characters from the Mortal Instrument/ Shadowhunter series belong to the author. Some of the events through this story are based on either the book series or TV show.


End file.
